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Lyn's Poem

Spring is in the air...but in
my heart and soul, winter reigns
I feel so small and unimportant.
Sitting alone in this house that
has become my prison...I wonder.
I have friends..good friends that
I can talk to whenever I need to,
but, sometimes that just isn't enough.
I can't see them, touch them...and
when this window to the world is
turned off, I'm cut off, from everything.
As the days and weeks turn to months, I ask myself,
what's the point, I'm useless, why
go on and drag everyone around me down.
I'm young in years...but feel so old.
What purpose is there for me...am I
now the one that people talk about...
behind their hands saying...what's
happened to him, he didn't use to
be like that. I see the pity in
others eyes as I struggle to stand
up out of a chair. I feel their impatience
as I slowly climb the stairs. I'm alive..
but this isn't living. Not for me.
I live for intimate contact...not the
physical kind, but rather that of the
heart, and mind. Everyone around me
sympathizes, but none can relate.
It's as if they fear me. I haven't
changed. I'm still the same person inside.
Why doesn't anyone see that. They can't
see past my body. One can. She knows
because she lives it too. When we talk
it's like the disease doesn't exist.
For a little while it's as though nothing
is wrong with us at all...then reality
crashes in. Coffee time is over and we
have to go home..she to her's and me to
mine...and those of malicious mind add
yet another paragraph to their stories.
Knowing looks and sly smiles follow us
as we leave the restaurant. The only
drawback to an otherwise beautiful friendship.
Why must life be so complicated.
Even with the full knowledge and
understanding consent of our spouses,
I can see where other's will eventually
cause problems. Damn them all. It's
little enough to ask for a little
happiness in an otherwise difficult
day isn't it? One day at a time,
jealously guarded against the time
when things must change. I already
grieve at the inevitable. Maybe
tomorrow will be better.
~Lyn

Lyn
Page last updated on October 29, 2000