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WHAT PRICE PAIN?
A Reflection by Nanny

YESTERDAY, Spring arrived!

I put on my walking shoes. Along the way I noticed the daffodils and crocuses raising their heads to the sun; I was reminded of "new life", and that every day is a new beginning. It seemed like a new beginning for me.

What price pain?

Later my daughter and I took her children (my grandchildren) to the park. Dana, the one who originally called me "Nanny", pleaded with me to climb up into the playground playhouse and "just pretend". Oh, tired, aching muscles, be still!

"Grandma, I can't make it across the monkey bars by myself; can you help me?" "Yes, little Jessica", as I allowed her to drape her legs over my shoulders, so we could "walk" across the bars. It brought back former memories of another little girl (her Mommy). How many hours over the years have we spent at the parks and playgrounds?"

What price pain?

TODAY has started out, once again, with new life and sunshine. Yet, something has changed from yesterday. Why do I now feel like a 90-year old woman in a 55-year old body? Why today, when I swing my legs onto the floor, do they feel so heavy? Why do I feel the rhythm of my heartbeat as it throbs within my head? Where did all this extra pain come from? When did it appear? In the dark hours of the night, as I lay sleeping in my bed - as a dark stranger, yet somehow familiar?

What price pain?

"Nanny can't go to the park today. No, Nanny is okay, just very tired, and very, very sore. We'll go another day." When will "that day" come? Tomorrow? Next week? Dear God, let it be sometime soon! Let me, again, walk in your handiwork, crawl up with my granddaughter into a playhouse, swing her into the air as her hair flies freely and the wind blows her small squeals of laughter back to me.

PAIN, oh unwelcome guest, you will not yet deprive me of life!

What price pain?

Gloria Wolfe
Page last updated on January 23, 2002