Home Community Chat Transcripts-10/09/00

Relationships & Arthritis with special guest, Walt Hanks, C.H.E.S

InsightHostKJ> I guess we can start! Everyone ready to talk relationships?

Melanie> We're ready!

InsightHostKJ> We're going to do a discussion instead of a Q and A tonight. Group therapy! LOL

InsightHostKJ> I am going to ask some questions to particular people and some to the group and we can all comment.

InsightHostKJ> Let's start with a group Q....Say ME if arthritis has caused problems in any relationship for you

Melanie> ME

gypsyrose> ME

InsightHostKJ> ME

lorrie> ME

annief> ME

bethsore> ME

chester> me

poohbear> ME

Midge> me

Walt> me

InsightHostKJ> So Walt are we typical?

Walt> I think so. I've never met anyone who didn't experience some challenges in their relationships because of arthur.

Walt> But challenges don't have to end negatively.

InsightHostKJ> I'm going to go around the room and have each of you tell us about a specific problem and how you resolved it..if you did. You can, of course, decline to answer

InsightHostKJ> Annie, want to start?

annief> sure...I have a friend that I was close to she could not deal with my changes....I told her I understood, but it hurt me alot

annief> she does not call or see me anymore

InsightHostKJ> wow that has to be hard

annief> Well, actually, I think it make her face her own mortality.....

annief> but, I am blessed with other people that are great with all this..

InsightHostKJ> thank goodness for them!

annief> yes, thx.....

InsightHostKJ> Anybody else with a similar situation to annies?

InsightHostKJ> No? Ok then Beth, what about you? A specific problem in a relationship

bethsore> My kids don't understand my fluctuating abilities(they are 6 and 10) it's hard to explain to them.

InsightHostKJ> ewwwww....I can relate!

Walt> I can relate to that Beth.

Tigger6467> me too

InsightHostKJ> How do you deal with it Walt?

bethsore> One day I'm fine the next hour I'm horrid

Walt> Lot's of communication, and sometimes I just have to force myself to do things that hurt, but that my kids need me to do.

InsightHostKJ> I think we've all done that

annief> here, here

bethsore> Well there's noone else to do certain things....Taxi

InsightHostKJ> anyone have any suggestions how to deal with this?

InsightHostKJ> does it get any easier as the kids get older?

annief> I really think honesty is the best, and to educate them, they are old enough now, my 9 year old loves me, but hates my disease, she can seperate it now

Walt> In Utah, we had close friends who could pitch in when I just couldn't do something. They were lifesavers.

gypsyrose> my boys are 16 & 11, and I still feel like I'm neglecting my family

bethsore> It really hurts me and I'm mad at this disease!

InsightHostKJ> the first time my daughter told me she hated my arthritis, i felt like she told me she hated me

lorrie> Do you find that as kids get older, like 18-20 odd , that they are more demanding and less sympathetic sometimes

gypsyrose> you feel such a loss of control over your life

Walt> Gypsyrose, did it get harder as your boys got older? I'm finding that my son is less OK with it now at 13 then he was a few years ago.

gypsyrose> I've only had this 16 months

InsightHostKJ> Walt..same for my daughter....lately she hasn't been very accepting

gypsyrose> the oldest has a car now, and can do some of the running around

Melanie> My son is nearly 20. He does great now; but 18 was the pits as far as understanding or sharing anything. lol I think RA made me redefine my self and relationships. Had to set limits on some areas and defined it as getting more selfish but was really a self-survival thing. Had to explain at work, to my ex-husband, and son as well as my brother and sister. Lots of explaining.

gypsyrose> but the younger one is in a lot of sports, etc, & sometimes I just can't go to these things with him, so his Dad takes him

InsightHostKJ> I wonder if it is just the magic of teenagers

Melanie> I think thats a big piece of it, KJ

Walt> Is that black magic KJ?

Melanie> lol

annief> lol walt

InsightHostKJ> LOL Walt! I think so!

gypsyrose> is that the word, KJ? 'magic'?

lorrie> good one, walt

InsightHostKJ> well...hormones! LOL

InsightHostKJ> Melanie I think our re-defined selfs are sometimes hard for people to get used to

Melanie> That I know for sure, but like I said self-survival.

InsightHostKJ> Yup

Walt> Absolutely Melanie

annief> it does come to that point Melanie

InsightHostKJ> What about you Chester? Has arthritis caused a problem in a relationsip?

bethsore> The latest adventure right?

chester> well this is still pretty new.

Walt> When ti was new was when I had the most problems Chester

chester> My husband is very supportive and worried about me. he has picked up alot of the extra chores

InsightHostKJ> thats great!

gypsyrose> mine, too - he's great about that

chester> the problem is I still try to do too much and i'm a wreck by the time he gets home from work

annief> my hubby needs a halo....I am blessed

Walt> My wife is great too, but then there's the inlaws.....

chester> i too have young kids, 4 and 2

InsightHostKJ> Chester I think we all do that

chester> maybe it is till a bit of denial about this whole RA

Myrtle> My husband has been a saint. I don't know what in the world I'd have done without him through all this.

Walt> Everyone onvolved gets' to have some denial time Chester - spouse, kids, everyone. Everyone grieves.

InsightHostKJ> YOu are very lucky Myrtle!

InsightHostKJ> And some grieve longer than others

Myrtle> I know and I am thankful every single day. We'll have our 40th anniversary this year. Guess I'll keep him another 40!!

chester> i get angry when my husband says "oh today is a perfect day for a hike" because I just can't do that anymore

gypsyrose> sometimes you just feel so powerless over this thing

InsightHostKJ> wow! congratulations myrtle!

InsightHostKJ> chester...it's hard not to angry at things like that

Donna> my husband was wonderful except he could not undersatnd why I couldn't dance anymore LOL

annief> chester, time to educate the hubby....

Walt> Jusat don't make the "I can't" decision ahead of time Chester. The nature of this disease is that some days you will be up for a short hike.

InsightHostKJ> i know gypsy....but we can't give in

Del> What should we do when we're mad at everyone?

gypsyrose> true - so we try to find the things we CAN control

chester> well I haven't had any days where I have been able to hike etc in the last year

lorrie> Yes, Chester, my husband has got used to the idea I can go a short way, then sit on a bench and watch passing parade, and he has learnt to go on walking w/out feeling guilty. It's hard for him too

InsightHostKJ> Del.... I go outside and work in the garden ..relaxes and calms me...or go for a drive

Walt> The first year or two are the worst. Be patient, and keep the hope alive.

bethsore> I scream into a pillow Del...lol

InsightHostKJ> When my family hikes I go to the park with them and bring a book and a blanket and just sit and read while they hike

Melanie> Sometimes yell with each other, cry and then laugh. Clears you and your partner out of emotions. lol

Del> I'm so tired and I don't know who to be mad at so I'm mad at everyone. I know it's irrational

Walt> I get by myself and let it out Del. The anger is about ourselves and teh disease, not the others.

InsightHostKJ> I think it is important the we always reassure others that when we are angry it is at the disease and not at them..before we strike out

Walt> It may be irrational Del, but it is real, and we all experience it. Give yourself time for some pleasure now and then.

Del> When I look at how other people are just going on like nothing, I get so angry. This is the first time I've felt like this

chester> i guess i dont' want to be an observer all the time. I want to be an active participant

Myrtle> Good thought, KJ. Another thing that helps me is to look around and it doesn't take long to see someone much worse off.

InsightHostKJ> so true myrtle

Melanie> That's true. In my house, we are yellers anyway. It was just natural for them to know I was mad at not being able to do things the same anymore.

lorrie> Del, I am fairly laid back but yes, sometimes I get angry - but not with others - not worth it. I try to keep it to myself and lose myself in a book - that helps me

gypsyrose> I think the anger will eventually give way to acceptance - just learning what you can and can't do

Walt> Del, how do you express your anger?

Myrtle> I have two dear friends fighting cancer and one with MS...they'd gladly trade for arthritis, I'm sure.

Del> I need more in my life than work. I think that's part of it

InsightHostKJ> you can be chester...you just haqve to find what you can participate in...none of us give it all up

bethsore> My husband goes on like it's nothing , just picks up the slack...aaahhh

chester> that's true, but i used to be so active. we need to find other interests together as a family

Walt> So it isn't just the arthur Del?

Del> I live alone and I think some of it is loneliness.

InsightHostKJ> there are times i'll spend 3 days down and out recovering from a hike, because i really wanted to go....we make choices

lorrie> Husbands have always expected the ';woman of the h ouse' to never be sick, always on hand to do things. Motehr image? Hard for them to accept we are not always fit and well

Walt> Yes chester, find something new to do together.

Del> I don't have the energy to do any more that go to work and that gets depressing

annief> when my daughter had baseball this year, I could not walk to the field, but sat in the parking lot and my hubby gave me a play by play on hand communicators, ya work together

Walt> Don't paint us all with teh same brush Lorrie. It isn't fare, and it isn't real.

chester> lol annief

InsightHostKJ> good idea annie

lorrie> Sorry Walt - but my hubby has learnt over the past 19 years of marriagfe and is good, really

gypsyrose> my hubby has always helped out a lot - we've been married 20 yrs

InsightHostKJ> Diddy what about you? What problems has arthritis caused in your relationships?

Diddy> my husband has OA in his knees and back...he was always complaining of the pain...then guess what...RA with me.

InsightHostKJ> Yikes! Two of you in one house!

Diddy> I'm no stranger to pain...I was dx'd with fibro 7 years ago...so we both understand pain

Walt> So how did that change your relationship, or did it?

Diddy> my hubby is WONDERFUL

InsightHostKJ> Great diddy!

Diddy> i don't think it really did.

Diddy> you see, i went through a horrible marriage...Lance (that's my husband) did also and now we have each other

InsightHostKJ> gypsy.....what about you? what problems have you had because of arthur?

gypsyrose> mainly frustration and guilt because the fatigue prevents me from always 'being there' for everybody

Diddy> sounds gushy, doesn't it. But...we understand each other's pains.

InsightHostKJ> sounds wonderful diddy

gypsyrose> my parents are not in good health, either, and have depended on me for several years to help out

Walt> Ahh, the "G" word. It's always there, isn't it.

InsightHostKJ> ALWAYS!

gypsyrose> very much so - I work 40+ hrs a wk and barely can drag myself home some days

Diddy> it really is...i can't imagine going through this with someone who doesn't know what pain is.

InsightHostKJ> Were we all superpeople before or what?

gypsyrose> perhaps that's the key

Tra> think so

Melanie> lol

bethsore> lol

Diddy> well, really,i went through the fibro with someone that didn't understand...don't think he wanted to

Walt> The past is always remembered fondly, if incorrectly.

InsightHostKJ> i think we are all still super!

gypsyrose> me, too KJ

Melanie> I'll take one of those capes. lol

Del> Yeah, we couldn't be anything but super! LOL

InsightHostKJ> LOL Instead of Arthritis Insight shirts...we should get capes!

Diddy> well...i haven't met ONE person on this website who isn't absolutely wonderful

gypsyrose> with rhinestones

Del> Or crowns!

InsightHostKJ> LMAO Gypsy

InsightHostKJ> LOL Del

InsightHostKJ> i totally agree diddy!

Del> I think I need a crown, don't all of you???

Tra> me too, Diddy

InsightHostKJ> Ken...what about you? What kind of problems has arthritis caused in your relationships?

InsightHostKenA> you're all great folks!

InsightHostKJ> well of course you do del!

Diddy> read my post on "laugh"...it'll give you a clue to our relationship

InsightHostKenA> Well....things surely are not the same....have to depend on my wife for help a lot..sometimes to help me put my shirt on...

Melanie> I loved it, Diddy. lol

InsightHostKJ> i just did diddy....can i use it in the newsletter?


Diddy> i truly am blessed...went through a lot of ---- to get there...but i'm sure glad i'm there now.

InsightHostKenA> can't keep t he house up anymore like I used to...have to hire someone

Walt> How does your wife feel about that Ken?

Del> That story was funny, Diddy!

Diddy> sure you can...you can't help laugh...i was laughing when i was crying

InsightHostKenA> she understands Walt, she has severe diabetes...and now is complaining of pains in both shoulders...was to ortho today...but her on pain killers

InsightHostKenA> not sure what is happening yet...

InsightHostKenA> put her on pain killers...sorry

Walt> So you help each other Ken? That has to help.

Diddy> ken...that's OK...the housekeeper you hire needs to feel important too...now you can boss someone around

InsightHostKenA> got to sometimes...we hold each other up!

InsightHostKenA> LOL...

InsightHostKenA> so i am a bit upset right now...not knowing what is happening with her..

gypsyrose> understandably

Diddy> i feel guilty about not working ouside the home...i have since i was 16

Walt> The wait is horrible, isn't it Ken.

InsightHostKJ> diddy...that was a very hard thing for me to deal with

InsightHostKenA> you bet Walt....

InsightHostKJ> Lorrie...what about you? what problems have you had to deal with?

gypsyrose> sometimes I think if I didn't work out, I'd have more energy - but a lot less income

InsightHostKJ> was a very tough decision gypsy....

Diddy> you know, i have always carried my weight financially and now i feel like i'm not...Lance doesn't make me feel that way...i just do

gypsyrose> the 'G' word, again

InsightHostKJ> seems to always be there

InsightHostKJ> how do we ease that guilt?

lorrie> I had more problems when I first married and had just been dx'd - to someone older -was his 2nd marriage. He's great now but at first found it hard to understand. So did his family. But 19 years on they now have OA, and other problems and so does he and they now realise that although I was younger, I was suffering pain, no energy etc.

gypsyrose> wish I knew - I'd bottle it

Walt> When I quit working, it was a chice we all made. Time and energy for the kids were more important to my family than the income. It was really hard though.

gypsyrose> My oldest will be in college in 2 yrs, and I'd like to be able to help with that

InsightHostKJ> lorrie...so you made it through that difficult time in the beginning?

InsightHostKJ> that was the choice i made too walt...

lorrie> Yes, but it took a coupl;e of years to come to terms with the disease and accept it. Now if I only had this site back in those days....and I was older than most of you when I got RA; you youner ones have had it so much harder

Diddy> how old were you lorrie

InsightHostKJ> I don't think it is easy at any age!

Melanie> Me either. Each age has different challenges.

InsightHostRon> I have to agree with that KJ


InsightHostKJ> although I'd rather have gotten it at 60...lol

Aaron> It's not easy at any age, but I would rather gotten it at the age I did then at an older age

lorrie> In late 30's - and working, and afraid to let on that I had the disease because of retrenchments etc. They never did find out just how bad I was. Eventually the Statre office closed in '94 sad for me but a blessing really

Giggles> me too aaron

gypsyrose> why, Aaron?

InsightHostKJ> I can really relate walt!

Aaron> Because I don't know if I could of handled it so well if I would of gotten it when i was in my 30

InsightHostKJ> but i bet you dont feel useless anymore Walt

Aaron> 30's or 40's

Aaron> I don't know life without arthritis

Giggles> Thats the same with me Aaron, I know no different

gypsyrose> I do, and I want it back!

Melanie> lol

Del> You two are real troopers, Aaron and Gigs!

Walt> Amen gypsy

Tra> me too Gypsy

InsightHostKJ> me three!

Giggles> I feel useless this year

InsightHostKJ> K Melanie...your turn...

InsightHostKJ> why gigs?

Melanie> I agree. I have a special regard for children and very young adults because you have faced things I never have and succeeded!

Aaron> I only have one probelm right now and that is that I am getting sick :-(

Giggles> having to give up work and all, I feel like I cannot contribute to anything

Diddy> cause of the drugs, aaron?

Walt> Is it the JRA Aaron?

InsightHostKJ> but you do contribute gigs

Aaron> No but It is a cold, but the problem is I have surgery on the 19th if not cleared up before I have get a different surgery date

Walt> Why does 'contribute' always have to mean money?

gypsyrose> you are still YOU, gigs, not just defined by what you do

Del> Gigs, why don't you do some volunteering at a school?

InsightHostKJ> Oh no aaron!

InsightHostKJ> very good point gypsy!

Melanie> The biggest thing for me was my relationships in general. I relate to what gypsy said about holding it all together at work and home. Burns you out. My best relationship change has been with my ex-husband. It is turning into a much gentler, loving relationship as time goes on.

Walt> Chicken soup and bed rest for Aaron then

Diddy> today's the 9th...10 days from now will be the 19th...colds are only suppose to last 10 days...we'll have to think positive on that one, aaron

gypsyrose> VITAMIN C

Giggles> not really KJ, I mean I have to have help with the housework, gee I cannot even wash myself sometimes....like at the moment I have people here installing ramps at the front and back of the house....I'm only 30 not 300

InsightHostKJ> well thats a good thing melanie

Melanie> Turn the heat up, Aaron. Keep the chills out.

Aaron> I live in Montana how do I keep the chills out? LOL

Del> I was just going to give him the same advice, gypsie

InsightHostKJ> but you contibute just by being you gigs....

Walt> Electric blankets and rice bags Aaron

Aaron> I have a history of getting phnemona and I can't spell

Melanie> I can attest to that, giggles. You have a wonderful personality that zings across the fiber optics. lol

InsightHostKJ> i know most of us couldn't imagine life without giggles...you are very important

Walt> LOL - same here Aaron, on both counts

gypsyrose> get on some antibiotics pronto, then

InsightHostKenA> C's Z's and E's for a cold...

InsightHostKJ> We're talking about relationships

Giggles> Thanks guys, you are the best

InsightHostKJ> Hey Pooh...what about you?

poohbear> I'm not a good hugger anymore.

gypsyrose> you're pretty good, yourself, gigs

InsightHostKJ> becuase you cant lift your arms?

Walt> Why pooh? does it hurt, or do you just not want to?

Melanie> What about chin hugs, pooh?

poohbear> because I'm stiff & hurt

Giggles> I have a ?

lorrie> Chin hugs? a new one on me. Great idea!

InsightHostKJ> go ahead gigs

InsightHostKJ> pooh...hugging is just being close

<Giggles> How do you go about.....well my hubby is trying to be nice, do things etc for me, but I keep getting annoyed, how can I tell him in a nice way to leave me alone

poohbear> Thanks!

InsightHostKJ> AH! When you figure that out let me know gigles!

InsightHostKJ> drives me nuts at times

Walt> Hug them with your heart pooh

Melanie> Just ask him for a little space and quiet time. Send him to do something he likes for a bit.

Debi> yeah mine gives me a huge bear hug...then gets ticked cuz I say OW

Walt> ? - before we end

InsightHostKJ> sure walt....i think some of us will take this one into overtime! go ahead walt

Giggles> yeh tryied that Mel, but he always seems to catch me pottering around and goes sick at me LOL

Walt> My challenge is building new friendships. We just moved to Maryland and I am struggling with building new friendships within the limitations of RA. Any ideas?

InsightHostKJ> Wow...tough...what about church?

gypsyrose> church, support groups?

Debi> hey Walt I hear you...I moved here 7 years ago and am just now starting to build friendships

InsightHostKJ> Hi CJ and 158...we're talking about relationships..open discussion

Melanie> When I was first diagnosed, I called the Arthritis Foundation and got phone numbers of fellow RAers to talk to.

Walt> Yes, there are relationships at Church. But it is hard when you aren't up yo playing ball or going fishing.
1
Debi> I still fee self conscious about my RA especially my hands

Del> How about a breakfast club, Walt?

InsightHostKJ> have you contacted the AF yet?

gypsyrose> I know - when I tell someone I have RA , the first thing they look at is my hands, Debi

Del> Or a card club?

InsightHostKJ> i guess iam lucky there..hands look normal

Debi> I have only told one person that I have RA...she happens to have Fibro

Walt> And my hands 'look' fine gypsy, so there is always that suspicion in their eyes.

gypsyrose> mine do, too, but they look anyway

Debi> nobody has ever said anything about my hands but my left one seems pretty obvious to me

InsightHostKJ> Walt i think it takes time to build new friendships for anyone...and probabl longer for us

Walt> Yes, that's probably true Tina. I just am not very patient at times.

InsightHostKJ> LOL....I know....another RA triat i've noticed

gypsyrose> what are your interests, Walt? Maybe find others who have the same

InsightHostKJ> we're aren't the most patient people around!

Melanie> Book club, check with library.

InsightHostKJ> Tra...what about you?

Walt> I think that's part of the problem gypsy - my interests lately are too defined by the RA

Tra> My problem is that I feel like I'm starting to become distant from my friends because I can't do a lot of the things I used to do with them, i.e. bowling, softball, hanging out out the bar, going clubbing...Sometimes, I'll go to the bowling alley just to hang out, but I think they feel sorry for me 'cause I can't bowl with them. I don't want that. I just want to be one of the gang again.

gypsyrose> understand completely

Melanie> I know that feeling, Tra. I don't want pitied, just accepted.

InsightHostKJ> Tra....my friends adjusted to that...but it took awhile...they don't look at me with pity anymore

Debi> yeah I hear you TRA evryone here is big on cross country skiing...they ask me but i always have an excuse..noe they don't ask me

InsightHostKJ> my best friend still drives me crazy at times..but only cuz she loves me

gypsyrose> but you don't want to be treated differently - like you might break

Melanie> right

Tra> that's what I'm afraid of...that they'll just stop asking me to join in, because they know that I probably can't

InsightHostKJ> i know....and it's hard

Del> Tra, I have the girls over on Thursday nights. We call it Girls Night Out. We just sit around and gab. It's a relaxing way to stay close

Debi> My bset friend of 20 years..just noticed this summer that I had trouble with my left arm

InsightHostKJ> sometimes it seems like we have two choices...be thought if as hyprochondriacs or pitied

InsightHostKJ> thats a good idea Del

Tra> I used to get together with the girls, but we would go to the bar and hang out, now I'm not supposed to be drinking because of all of the drugs

Walt> Exactly! Just what I've been feeling lately Tina

InsightHostKJ> we play cards with our friends once a week...i can do that.....and we all enjoy it

Melanie> Just don't withdraw from folks. I find myself doing that and its not good.

Del> We've been doing this for about 4 years now. We drink coffee.

InsightHostKJ> Maybe its just a pahse Walt?

Giggles> I have a high school reunion next year, I have put off going to the last few, but my best friend from school has made me promise to go, I'm a bit worried

gypsyrose> I'll bet you'll pleasantly surprised, gigs

Walt> Probably Tina - this has been one hell of a year

InsightHostKJ> Tra....drink non alcoholic beer and act just as stupid as they do..it's fun..i promise!!! LOL

CJ> Giggles, you should go

Melanie> I was too, Giggles, because I had that bad foot. The first person I saw was in a wheelchair, had just broken her leg. I didn't have to explain a thing. lol

Aaron> I don't have to much problems with my friends now, I have alot of very caring friends, but I don't think my best friend understood very well this last year when i came out of remission

InsightHostKJ> That it has Walt...i can't even imagine being thru what you have gone thru

Del> What year is this Gigs?

Giggles> Hmmmm not sure, none of them know whats going on ( I hid it real well in school ) but I use to get teased alot called hypocondric etc,

Melanie> Hopefully, they grew up, Giggles.

InsightHostKJ> does he undertsand now aaron?

Giggles> year 8, 20 year reunion

Aaron> I don't know if she understands now, I haven't seen her for awhile now that I moved back to montana, and the last time i did see her she was going through a bad devorcie and look I can't spell again

Giggles> we can only hope Mel

InsightHostKJ> Tra...you can have a good time at a bar without drinking...it did take me awhile to realize that

Aaron> I know all about that teasing Gig

Giggles> makes me feel real nervous about going back

Melanie> You can have the best time at a bar when not drinking (just watching everybody else) lol

InsightHostKJ> <-----former lush

InsightHostKJ> LOL

Melanie> lol

InsightHostKJ> true Mel!

gypsyrose> wino, myself

Del> I agree. You won't be the only one not drinking

Tra> How, KJ? It's so tempting. i don't think I can deal real well with the drunks if I'm not one of them. I guess we could give the coffee shop a try...Miller Lite is probably going to go out of business, though, lol

Giggles> I'm a cadbury kid, a glass and a half does me every time LOL

Melanie> No, Tra. If Miller survived my drying out, they will your's. lol

InsightHostKJ> Tra....some of the drunks do get on my nerves...but mostly they are funny!

Walt> How to feel useful - the designated gimp, I mean driver. :)

Aaron> I will take you to the bar Tra I promise not to slip any Vodka into your coke lol

InsightHostKJ> There ya go Walt! LOL

InsightHostKJ> we have a new meaning in life! LOL

Melanie> Tra, you can go and wait until everybody has had a few drinks and act like the life of the party. No one else will know the difference anyway. lol

InsightHostKJ> Does anyone feel better now then they did before the chat?

Tra> a little, KJ

Melanie> I do. It always helps me to hear from all of you.

Walt> Well, I've got to get up early in the morning. Time to go to bed. Thanks everyoen for your support, ideas, and friendship!

Aaron> I still have a cold I was helping it would go away during the chat kj

InsightHostKenA> I feel better....