Home Featured Discussion Sex, Intimacy & Arthritis Sex and the Married Gimp-A Man's Point of View 

Sex and the Married Gimp-A Man's Point of View 

When you asked if I could write something about sex, my first thoughts were:

1 - What's that?  I have been married almost 25 years and have grown kids.  Sex, do I remember what that is?  Let me think a minute.  Hmmmmmm.  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....... WHAT!  who woke me?  What are we taking about?  Well, I think that is a typical reaction of an older male who is in the mid-life doldrums.  Family pressure, age, kids, job, no time.

2 - ME!  Have a problem with sex!  Ha, you are so funny.  The stud-muffin that I am, why I am like the energizer bunny, keeps on going and going and........   that's the male ego talking!

3 - How embarrassing!  I don't talk with my close friends about sex, unless it entails the first two points above!  Have never done that before.  No sir.  I don't kiss and tell!

But, I guess just this once I will break down and give it a try.  Sex and arthritis, a combination that sometimes is difficult to achieve.  For me, my arthritis is pretty much under control with medication.  I have the typical flares once in awhile and I have joints that are damaged that will never work right again.  But all in all, I only have mild pain.

What does bother me, and has a direct effect on our sex life, is the fatigue and depression that I experience.  This coupled with point number one above means that sex is infrequent at best.  I think that this fact alone could have a detrimental effect on our marriage.  When my wife is in the mood, I am the one that is too tired or too down.  Frustrating for the both of us.  We have to work hard at trying to free up time for us to be intimate, but if I have had a hard day, "things" don't work very well.  This is probably even contributing to more depression.  The good side effect about sex is the release of some of the frustrations/depression, at least for a short while.  For someone without this condition, I bet this effect is not appreciated.  Trust me, I appreciate it!

As I said, my pain from the arthritis is minor compared to some that I know.  But when we do have sex and I am experiencing pain, well, what can I say other than it is not enjoyable.  The "standard missionary" position will not work for me anymore.  We have learned to adapt, so that I am not putting weight on joints that don't want to bend.  Foreplay is a problem now with arthritis as well.  The fingers and wrists don't cooperate anymore, so our techniques have changed over the years.   Of course, experimentation has, oh how should we say this, benefits of their own!

I have been fortunate in that I met a wonderful women years ago.  And even though she knew I had physical problems, she still found at least one redeeming quality in me to marry me.  ; )  Because of our love for each other, she has adapted her life style in ways that help me, help us.  Adapting, and having a sense of humor are the keys to fighting arthritis.  Those that continue to hit the "brick wall" will not be able to have a happy and productive life.  As we get older and as the arthritis takes its toll on my body, we have learned to walk around the wall.  Doing this together, with her understanding,  has been the key to our long marriage.  And yes, even though I half-heartedly complain about lack of sex, our sex life has been good, if not interesting.

Mr. E Bunny
Page last updated on September 24, 2001