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Victoria?s Not So Secrets
Victoria?s Not So Secrets
A Pin-Head in a
Haystack
In the whole grand
scheme of world events, my goings on seem so very miniscule.
I almost hate writing about this, but as ?they? all say, we
must continue on with our daily activities, work and so on.
For
the past 24 hours, I have done nothing but cry and talk on the phone.
Exactly 26 hours ago, I ended my relationship with Tom.
I
didn?t know until I ended it that I would feel as bad as I do.
But how could I continue on with a man that I really only know a)
what his favorite brand of beer is (Anchor Steam) b) what his favorite
brand of lubrication is (well, can?t remember the name but it is
tasteless!) and c) what color sheets he usually has on his bed (checked
flannel sheets). I don?t know such things as a) why he stopped painting (he
has literally dozens of huge canvasses in his attic that he has blessed
with his thoughts, imagination and color) b) his character trait that he
hates/loves the most or c) why he chose the profession he did
(television producer).
I
knew that it was mostly a sexual relationship, however, the past few
weeks we started spending practically every night together and I started
to develop more feelings toward him.
However, during those two weeks I also saw a very ugly side of
him. I knew the
relationship wasn?t healthy, although it was a hell of a lot of fun.
I have been in unhealthy relationships in the past, or should I
say involved with men who are bad for me.
I don?t know why I have always been attracted to the bad-boy
type. Possibly it is
because of missed adolescent years: when I should have been dating and
going to the prom, I was laying in the hospital bed recovering from my
first hip replacement surgery. This
time however, I chose to get out before I couldn?t.
We
spent last Friday evening together, on the couch watching the Giants vs.
Dodgers baseball game. We
were supposed to be there up close and personal to watch Bonds break the
record, but the tickets fell through.
Instead we watched the game from his house, on TV, but were able
to see the actual fireworks through his window when Bonds broke the
record for homeruns (o.k. so now y?all know where I live!)
We spent the night together, wrapped and intertwined with each
other; not knowing it would be our last night together.
On
Saturday I had the whole day to myself to do some thinking.
I knew the time had come to put an end to this relationship. We were going to talk on Sunday, but by the time we were to
get together, the bombings were going strong and he told me he didn?t
really want to talk about anything that night.
So I broke up with him over the phone.
I remember some Seinfeld episode that discussed how long you had
to go out with someone to determine if a phone break-up vs. an in-person
break-up could be justified. I
think I broke the Seinfeld rule.
Of
course, he took it like a guy and was not emotional.
I, on the other hand, started crying like a blubbering idiot the
moment I hung up the phone with him.
He wants to be friends. I
emailed him on Sunday night asking him not to call me.
Thank
God for Columbus. I had a
scheduled holiday on Monday, so no work to face.
I took myself out for coffee to my neighborhood caf?. Right when
I sat down the caf?s stereo was blaring ?Magic Carpet Ride? by
Steppenwolf. When was the
last time any of you heard that song?
Well, if we had a ?song? that was it.
Of course, I burst out into tears.
Fast
forward: it is now Wednesday evening.
The week at work has been good because of support from some
really good friends. I know Tom called me last night.
He forgot my phone has Caller ID.
I was the weak one today, I called him. I told him there were
some things I need to say to him. He wasn?t very nice. He
claimed I was ?confusing?. My
friend Mike said Tom is turning me into ?She-Devil? so he can cope.
I have made plans to go away this weekend to see my family.
I need to escape.
I
am tired of thinking about this. I
am tired of my thoughts of him taking my energy.
My problem is nothing. The
marriage of one of my best friends is now on the rocks.
Her husband recently shared with her that he didn?t want
anything to do with either her or the children.
There are innocent lives being taken around the world in
abundance even as I type this. I
will survive. Others won?t.
Until
next week, be well and be healthy.
Have a Relationships, Dating
or Sex question or comment for Victoria? Click
here to email it. Victoria cannot answer your emails personally
(well...she might if you are an incredibly handsome 30-something single
male!), but will respond to as many as she can here in her column.
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