I was writing a welcome to Jode and I thought of the single's ad I would write.
Sexy older woman whom you have to dope up to get intimate with. Loves to hike, bike, and adventure - but must be on handicap accessible areas. Not much of a morning person - required - you must spend the night to help me out of bed - great sense of humor - when I am not laughing I am crying. High IQ that is useless as I take a lot of drugs. Big heart and belly. More cushion for the pushin
Whether you are married or not - I thought it would be fun to read your singles ad if you were to write one
I was writing a welcome to Jode and I thought of the
single's ad I would write.
Sexy older woman whom you have to dope up to get intimate with.
Loves to hike, bike, and adventure - but must be on handicap accessible
areas. Not much of a morning person - required - you must spend the
night to help me out of bed - great sense of humor - when I am not
laughing I am crying. High IQ that is useless as I take a lot of drugs. Big
heart and belly. More cushion for the pushin www.arthritisinsight.com/forum/smileys/smiley11.gif">
Whether you are married or not - I thought it would be fun to read your
singles ad if you were to write one
[/QUOTE]
LOVE IT! I will have to think about all that........I am still chucklin' and smilin about that one! Oh so funny!
Maybe we could write tidbits and then you could compile one for us in a few weeks, it would probably be hilarious.....maybe I could even use it!
What I can think of right off the top of my head at this moment would be that he would have to be patient because it takes me more time to get from here to there and I am not as even tempered as I once was, it would help if he was extremely easy going in order to withstand my menopausal mood swings, RA bad bone days, and overall grouchiness that comes with this disease; or so that I would not snap at him, whichever comes first.
A prerequisite agreement to rub my feet and back each night would have to be signed and notarized before the first date/sleepover ( and yes people, I am not getting any younger, I may even have a sleepover on the initial date....if he is really handsome and kinda a "HOTTY" *grin*) He must also be anxious to cook or have the financial means to wine and dine me cause I do not cook that much.
Emergency runs will be a given so he needs to be a person that can hop in the vehicle at a moments notice to rush me to the ER. ( NSAID and pain relievers in full stock would be both helpful and advised.) Must not be afraid of Dr. visits, have a fantastic sense of humor, can argue in a manner inwhich I typically win ( this can be a prerequisite with a signed notary as well) and enjoys shortened long walks. Makes no difference which time of the day since I have a tendency to be a sparatic sleeper most nights.
jode
must not be afraid of needles incase for whatever reason we need something stuck into ourselves I think what you need to find is a hot sexy rhuemy! Instead of a friend with benefits, it would be a patient with benefits!ewww Hillhoney, now you are talkin'...a hotty Rheumatologist, hmmmm wonder where you can find one of those.
Here we go:
Sexy over 60 woman (that way I appear very young for my age) seeking compassionate and zealous Rheumatologist for RA care, companionship and dating/sleepovers. Must have it in good with the drug reps to ensure my extended medicinal needs which would include whatever he prescribes. Must be taller than 5'5" with an easy manner and a strong "love drive". *wink*
I am an average to slender woman, active on most good bone days with minimal whining. I am fully equipped with a grown son living on his own, a daughter in H.S., a medling mother and a dog with bad breath that barks too much. Prepared to be removed from my situation!!!!!!!!!
I enjoy the lakes, swimming, riding a bike, vacations, and watching tv with the heating pad on. Activities include but are not limited to: driving daughter everywhere all over town at all hours of the day and night for her school, her work and her bfriend's house, driving mother to Dr. appontments, and making last minute strawberry milkshake runs.
Ok, I've been reading here for awhile, but this is so funny I just had to register and reply! I'm laughing my butt off. (and that's a mean feat!)
If you compile an ad, I could post it on the singles sites, cuz I have memberships at a couple. Not because I think I'd find someone for real, but you never know. hahaha
Love and laughter,
LOL I am laughing alot on this forum this morning! It feels good.
No ad for me. I have a hubby and 4 kids. If I didn't have one, don't think I'd be in a hurry to find another.
What I really want is a little cuddly lap dog. Hubby won't let me have one though. We already have a husky who is independent and won't sit with me. And, a bunch of other critters.
Laura
This is too irrestible!
DWF with lots of baggage (I call it contents) is seeking a SWM with no drug, alchohol or SMI (Seriously Mentally Ill) complications. You must be employed because I'm never working again. I'm told I'm quite the troublemaker and if interested, you are just going to have to deal.
I'm not blonde with 36" boobs. If interested in that, move on. Don't waste either of our time. I'm short, which most men like but don't think you'll lord that over me. I've taken on larger guys than you bud. Yes, you have to be spunky to date me as I am a real challenge on every level.
I have no dangerous dogs or children, so you're safe there. Children do exist, but their nearly grown and not dangerous. No, I don't want children. I already been there, done that and at your age why are you even looking at a woman my age with thoughts of having children? It ain't happening no matter how hard you tried. I've been fixed. I do understand that is a turn on for some men as it means unlimited sex. However, there are challenges in this department which I'll go into next.
First, you have to get me to stay up long enough to have sex. This is not from a lack of physical desire but general function and a bootleg of medications that will make you think that I am an escapee from a prison pharmacy. The first piece of clothing to go are the elegant (actually cheap Walmart brand) cane (unless I'm using my wheelchair that day). Next, will be the wrist braces. Yes, they are ugly and bulky, but my hands hurt. For sure, I will be taking off my leg braces. That's the first thing you will hear if we get in a room the least bit private. Yes, it does sound like the tearing of the universe. Imagine the surprise of my previous boyfriend (who's blind) when he heard that delightful sound. But he made it past that point and if you're really, really lucky, you might too.
I will forego putting on my sleep apnea equipment for any romantic night. But it is not going to leave the room.
Now, it has been a while since I've made it to a romantic moment. There was a time when I was a real hotty in bed (if no where else). But since I continue to have joint damage and unrelenting pain, sex might not be what I remember it to be. However, if you hear screams you can count them as desire. They will probably be screams of pain and not passion, but hey consider yourself once again lucky if you got to this part.
And, I definitely will undress slowly and dress slowly for you. This is not by design but by extreme determination.
Again, I will not cook or clean. Financially, consider yourself in full support of all operations. I have ruined my credit and savings trying to get well.
So let's see what I have to offer....hum, not good looks, too many pounds, always sick and always fighting with some government agency...I guess I am the perfect date after all.
oh Deanna your post was excellent. Loved the bit about undressing and dressing slowly as I was joking about that with my husband the other day( took me an hour to remove my clothes and another 15mins to put my nightware on) Careful though as you are going to be swamped with offers nowmeds=aphrodisiacs
your braces and such are aids to make you more comfortable and they can take them off to arouse you
oh yeah baby you are a good writer but u need an editor - as soon as more than 1 0f my fingers work
We actually got through most of those obstacles to find a few romantic moments.
However, Roxy, feel free to rewrite. It would be interesting to see what you'd come up with. Since you are the only one that's actually seen a picture of me this should be interesting.
Hey, I have been losing weight. Not much, but it counts. The doctor even noticed without weighing me. That made me feel better.
In my eyes Deanna YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL !!!!! I would love to write your ad as soon as fingers work!Absolutely hysterical here! How funny is this group I wanna know! I have laughed and laughed at this creativity/truth of the matter!
LEt us not forget he will not only have to support us financially, but emotionally as well...and I agree there is no way on this earth I am able to have children and after this day of "HELL" with my daughter ( I will post it when I am calmed down but police and "her attitude" were involved I would say to anyone HELL NO I DO NOT WANT KIDS! You are sooooooooo very right, at age 491/2, no I do not want to adopt, if he has kids, hey I apologize, I will be nice to them but not take care of them. I have managed to raise the 2 most disrespectful children in the world, so I am an awful mother. ok?
SO what will entice a man to "WANT" a woman over 40 with RA? Hmmm get your thinkin' caps on all cause we are getting so much closer to completing this ad!
Ok you know the guy will want sex, he is probably/hopefully over 40.....so we all know what happens to them then. They either got to be really turned on or have a prescription which BTW: leaves them with a horrible headache but will they care.....? no cause we will send the guy to pure heaven......right? Maybe we should bring up kissing, I love kissing and cuddling.........but ooops, they haev to be careful cause of the pain factor......somebody think of something for this .......PLEASE!!!!!!!!!
.....keep 'em coming!
jode
ooooooooooo I know about those jaw joints. It inhibits more than kissing Roxy, I wanted to make you smile today. I received this email yesterdaylorster
My ex boyfriend has informed me that I did offer false advertising. Now, please remember he is blind. But he says the boobs reference is inaccurate and that I make it sound like I was a hotty when the dinosaurs roamed the earth. He assures me that this is simply not true.
Sometimes, he can be so sweet.
Lorster -