I haven't vented in awhile so I'm gonna. Read at your own risk.
My neck hurts. Everyday I wake up with a sore neck. I can't turn it either way and it's hard to drive my car. My right knee is so bad that I can't kneel down on the ground without major pain. Dr. says it's not RA. I know the cartilage is about gone in my knees but they haven't hurt in a long time. The pain is really getting me down. I did yard work two days in a row just because I'm stubborn, and I'm hurting from head to toe. I learned to knit when I was gone on my trip, so I've been knitting every night even though it hurts like heck, because I want to feel like a normal person.
My x-rays show more degeneration in my neck and lower back and I'm scared. Ruth Bell Graham was bedridden in her last few years because of OA in her neck and back. I don't want that to happen to me. And my feet hurt so bad because of plantar fascitis and bone spurs that I can't get rid of. My husband wants to turn me in for a new model.
And my wonderful, sweet 90 year old mother wants to know why this has happened to me because her body only started breaking down recently. I just say "mom, it skipped a generation."
Well, thanks for letting me get it all out. You know how some days you want to just sit and cry for all the pain you have? I'm not sure if it helps or not, I think writing it down makes me feel better. But I also want you to know I have so many things I'm thankful for, not the least is having great people I can come and talk to here. Thanks everybody.
Miles don't feel guilty for a vent, my gosh how much pain are we supposed to take before we explode. It does help to vent to people who know exactly how you feel. When I tell family and friends I'm in a fibro flare they look at me and say I'm sorry have you took something for pain? Like two tylenol is a cure all or something.Jeez
Hang in there dear and vent all you want. I've done my share and probably will again.Sorry you're having such a bad time! Vent any time you want/need to!
Miles,
I'm sorry to hear that you're in pain. Please don't apologize for needing to vent. We all do. This RA thing can be a huge downer and we all know it. It is scary and frightening when we face what could happen to us down the road with RA. I will pray that you are able to have a normal RA life and not be bedridden. I have those same fears myself. Especially with a 2 yr old. I worry if I'll be able to take care of her until she's grown and can take care of herself all the time. I don't know any jokes nor have I had anything silly happen to me or I would offer up a good laugh for you. Instead all I can send is Hugs for you and if you need to talk I'm here.
My OA is just as bad as my RA and what scares me about it is not much can be done for the degeneration OA causes. At least with RA we have drugs that can slow progression. Oh well, doesn't do any good to worry. Just take it one day at a time.
Thanks you all for your replys. I depend on you ya know!
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. It really does bring you down when you hurt that much, and allows fears of the future to take over. It can be overwhelming.
But it brings to mind something I have wanted to ask folks. My mother has had severe OA in her knees for many years. She reached the point where she was bone on bone, no cartilage at all probably 10 years ago. And she says she hurts a lot less now than she did before the cartilage is gone! Has anyone else experienced this?
I guess I wonder about it because I am nearing that point with my hip. I have very little cartilage left in my right hip. Everyone wants me to put off hip replacement for as long as I possibly can, so I guess I'm hoping when I finally wear the cartilage down I will feel a little better!
So what do you say, oh so very wise folks out there in AI land?
Miles, I started crying when I read your post because that is exactly the way I feel some days, and if you can't tell someone how you feel you will explode inside. My Dr. says that is why I am so depressed, I have kept all my feelings inside. Honey, I feel for you and I KNOW you hurt, life is not fair sometimes. You look at some people and they seem to have perfect lives and perfect bodies, and sometimes I am so jealous. But, I bet there is something that gets them down too. I praise you for going on in spite of all that you have to endure. You have fortitude lady, where some people would give up, you don't, and that is where your strength is at.
By the way, vent all you want, that's O.K. We all need to vent.((((Hugs)))) to you, Miles. I do hope you have better days than you have bad. God Bless
Peace & Love...Neasy
Neasy, you are a very smart lady. The reason I keep pushing myself to do the things I've always been able to do, is that I haven't been able to except this disease. I'm in denial. I haven't grown up. I'm afraid if I don't push, then I won't feel "normal" anymore. Then after I've done things I shouldn't have, I hurt for hours afterwards. You'd think I'd get it after awhile, but I haven't. I'm really going to think about what you said. "Appriciate the small things". I really have to do that.
Thanks for your encouragement!
Hi Miles, It's normal to feel the way you do. It's also normal to not know how to pace yourself. Let's see, it's taken me 10 years and I still screw up and do too much and pay for it. But now I'm more selective about what I do.
I make sure if it's something I love to do and want to do, then I get on with it, do it, and expect to pay for it the next day. In the long run it was worth the extra pain. A mile hike on the beach, a long leisurely shopping trip, a ride out to the desert to go rock hounding are all worth the extra pain the next day but doing housework, moving furniture, working 8 hours or longer isn't. Prioritize.
Life is too short to not enjoy the times we can. If I can't walk that mile on the beach, I try a half mile. At least I'm out there. My feet and legs won't cooperate but all my other senses are working overtime. I can see and smell the ocean.
I'm 62 with 4 active chronic illness and auto immune diseases with cardiac and lung complications. I'm at risk of dying an early death. I'm just now accepting this and Stan and I have been talking about the future and facing this fact. He's having a more difficult time with it than I am. I don't ever want to not TRY and do something but then I know my bungee jumping days are over. I do know my limitations but I push myself to the edge. I don't recommend this for everyone but this makes me happy and I always look forward to the next challenge and when I'm rocking on the porch I can remember that I tried. For me its not denial, it's the wish to enjoy as much as I can in this life. Lindy
Awww... that is not a downer. If it made you feel better, which I know it did because you got to get it out of your system, then it was worth the read for me.
Yeah... hubbies always want to trade us in for a newer model and with fake parts to boot.
I have given up on trying to be a "normal" person and have started trying to be who I am and always have been, me. Nothing says I have to be able to get off the couch by myself. But I do wish I was a normal person so I could enjoy my kids and play with them more without getting hurt. But they understand, sometimes. Oh miles! We love you! You can always vent to us, you know that!! I'll be thinking of you, and wishing you better!
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