My Sweetheart of a Sister is on a roll
2)You
can go to the bathroom without a support group.
3)You get extra credit for
the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
4)If someone forgets to invite you to
something, he or she can still be your friend.
5)Your underwear is for a
three-pack.
6)Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
7)Same work,
more pay.
8)Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
9)Wedding dress:
,000. Tuxedo rental: .
10)If another guy shows up at the party in the
same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
11)You are not expected
to know the names of more than five colors.
12)The same hairstyle lasts for
years, maybe decades.
13)Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25
relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster
than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the
sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do
people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in
America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens
to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of
dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in
America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call
waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the
first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten
and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word
'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and
'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do we have
drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
When we were young
I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time
when:
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
Mistakes
were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing
about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the
banker in Monopoly.
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire
evening.
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old
referred to anyone over 20.
The net on a tennis court was the perfect height
to play volleyball and rules didn't matter.
The worst thing you could catch
from the opposite sex was cooties.
It was magic when dad would "remove" his
thumb.
It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn't an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.
Nobody
was prettier than Mom.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides
at the amusement park.
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."
Saturday
morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.
No shopping trip
was complete unless a new toy was brought home.
"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made
perfect sense.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for
giggles.
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
War
was a card game.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Baseball cards
in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Taking drugs meant
orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food
group.
ha ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks for making me laugh today!
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