Time for improving your vocabulary. Won’t find these in the Reader’s Digest!!
Life is too short for drama & petty things, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing of one letter and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's {2006} winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteo**osis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
Those were great! Thanks for brightening my day! I decided at some point yesterday to focus on humor to cope. I rented a few season's worth of Reno 911 and am reading online jokes, etc. So thanks for adding to my treatment :) Love, Julie
Loved them, especially Bozone. LindyHere's my contribution:
rheudatoid arthritis: autoimmune disease causing inflammation of the brain resulting in rude behavior towards RA patients; commonly found in doctor's and, more rarely, in spouses of RA patients
Alan
Thanks for the smile Janice!One more and I promise to stop:
rheumatoid arphritis: obsessive fear of people with RA
Alan
I love no. 16! We have some very active, nuclear spiders around here. From my porch to my car, I almost always manage to walk through a spider web!
I now keep a stick on the porch, and wave it in front of myself all the way to the car. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm more than a little bit nuts!
Nini....your neighborns probably think you are going blind and driving a car....LOLAlan,
I enjoyed your creativity!
Came across some more funnies: Pregnancy Q&A Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
>>
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
>>
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
>>
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes
she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
>>
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during
labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air
current.
>>
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
>>
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my
wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
>>
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from
childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
>>
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
>>
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
>>
"ESTROGEN ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
>>
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3 The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker
that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8. Your not as nice as you used to be and you used to be a bitch
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
>>
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes.
6 Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and
eggshell.
4 Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
>>
AND, the Number One thing only women understand :
>>
1. OTHER WOMEN
Copyright ArthritisInsight.com