I can’t quit crying tonight | Arthritis Information

I really can't. Woke up in so much better shape than usual today. So much less stiff, less swollen, less pain. I got so excited - even "bragged" about it on a couple of phone calls to sis and mom around noon. Then I loaded the dishwasher (overdue), cleaned a toilet, went to a store right nown the road (yippee) to buy a present (also overdue). Was only there for 10/15 minutes when the pain started hitting big time, hands, feet swelling, shoulder, elbow aching, etc etc. I'm sure you all know the drill. Went to deliver present o the same block, sat by a pool and read a book for a few hours - pain and swelling steadily increasing...and that is when I started crying. And pretty much have been doing so on and off ever since. This sucks. Please tell me that my day's activities are not what brought this on: taking care of my pets and my own very most basic needs, cleaning a toilet, loading a dishwasher and browsing a floral shop. The pain level has even subsided drastically in the last hour, but I am just as upset - if not more.

Melly? Are you to get rain sometime soon?

I have days were I wake up doing ok managable and then BAM! Back to not doing so well within a few hours. It usually seems to be when rain or storms are moving across.

Like yesterday, RA was ok nothing major or bothering me much. Then today I am just aching, throbbing, swelling and my left ankle and knee are screaming and my right knee is in a hard swell and my right calf muscle is twitching again! UGH! I am not sure if there is rain coming soon, or that my 10mg of pred is not working, but it sure is a sucky day.

I did not even get to enjoy the cookout we had. and slept and missed the food.

was going to finish with...

Hope you feel better tomorrow. And I am sure the Remacade will kick in for you soon.

Do you know what is going on with the tears now? Why are you crying? Maybe if you can type out what is going on with you, it will help. Is it grieving your healthy self? Feeling discouraged? Overtired? Let us know. We care. Love and very gentle hugs, Juliah

Hi, Melly, you didn't do anything wrong it is just that your meds haven't 'kicked in' yet. I know the feeling and my doc kept telling me I 'should' be able to do my everyday stuff, but the remicade wasn't working yet. Others kept telling me to be patient, I know it is hard, nearly impossible but tht's the way these drugs work ..way too slowly. If you can get up to 15mgs. of pred, it might help or even 20?

Amazing how powerful pred is. I'm trying to go down from 5 to 2.5 and am getting stiff after reducing from 5 to 4-1/2.

I'm so sorry you are in pain, hugs Lynda

And maybe I am "pms-ing" too. Who knows. Maybe it is that combined with the weather combined with it finally beginning to dawn on me that I really have this stupid stupid disease that isn't going to be going away.

And I hate waking up to false hope.

Thanks too Juliah and Lynda.

I think I do need to go back up on the pred. There is no point in suffering like this while I am having to play the waiting game with the other meds.

That whole false start thing this morning just got me really discouraged and scared. Or maybe there is a hormonal component to this too. You would think I could remember if I'm due my period or not, wouldn't you? But having been out of the dating / relationship scene for so long, I just haven't bothered to keep up with it

Thanks all. Sorry I am on such a downer tonight. I am sure I will get over it.

[QUOTE=mellymel]

Thanks Joonie. Maybe that is what it is. Probably it is. I should watch a weather forecast. I just don't feel like it. It's true though. I HAVE had huge increases in pain and swelling with weather changes before. It was really hot and steamy here in VA the last few days, so maybe rain is on the way.

And I hate waking up to false hope.

[/QUOTE]

Weather, PMS, and colds/flu (especially a day or two before I actually get sick) can greatly increase my pain.

Hang in there.

Tomorrow will look brighter. I did well today too until the afternoon...we have a storm comming in.

Thanks you all. You are really making me feel much better. And I am getting sleepy too, which is a good sign.

Still not sure what exactly has sent me off the deep end today. The consequences of this disease right now just have me in such LIMBO. I am out of my job, away from my friends and have no idea what is next. I just found myself thinking today of all the things I might have done differently if I had known this could happen to me. I just always lived thinking there was plenty of time for this and that - and well there wasn't.

On another note, I flipped over to the weather.com site and according to it, I should be having no aches and pains today. Actually it was worse than none. It was N/A. How funny is that? Thunderstorms are on the way for tomorrow and the next day. But apparently that doesn't jive with the "aches and pains index". Does anybody go by that? Is that for conditions such as ours exactly? I may have to start another thread to see if anyone uses that at all?

I am back to thinking that the main issue I am having might just be the whole pms thing. I haven't taken any extra pred yet and I just had to go wipe out some hot fudge sauce in fridge that was supposed to be there for making sundaes tomorrow with nieces and nephews. But that wouldn't explain the horrible swelling and pain I started having this aftrnoon would it? Is there a connection there to anyones knowledge?

Thanks again everyone. I really am already de-escalating here. Just trying to stop worrying about and predicting a whole future that is just out of my control right now. Which is a lot easier said than done. A lot easier.

Go to the government's weather page:

http://www.weather.gov

on the upper left-hand side of that page, you can enter in your zip code and get a forecast. The forecast is a bit more technical than the Weather Channel's, but you can get a 3-day weather history (mid-right side of your forecast page) which has temp, cloud cover, precipitation, humidity, and barometric pressure for every hour for the last 3 days. You can look at the information there and see if there is any correlation with the symptoms you've had. Melly..I am also sorry you are suffering so. I think what happened was you were on a bit of a high. You actually got to do a few things and it felt wonderful to feel "normal" again. Then, old RA flared up and knocked you back down. That is what I am reading in your posts anyway. You are in limbo at the moment, RA has you there and it is a horrible shock when that happens and you realise that a disease can halt your life.

You are dealing with shock at the moment, a whole bundle of grief and major change. That is a full plate. Be gentle on yourself. Just try and break it all up into little pieces and deal with the small bits one at a time.

It is such a loss to feel okay, do a few normal things that someone else wouldn't even think about then realise that you can't do that anymore. That simple stuff like what you did can be too much to handle.

One moment at a time for you, Melly, you are being bombarded and you can't possibly deal with it all at once, don't try to, give yourself permission to be where you are at.

The crying is part of the grief process and pain like that could make the toughest human being cry.

Big hugs, darling. hi melly, i know so well how you are feeling. after i woke from the induced coma i was unable to move. had to be lifted in and out of bed with a lifter thing like a crane . then eventually i could move but was unable to walk, feed myself or wipe myself after toilet etc etc etc, this was like that for nearly 12 mths. i had lost who i had been. a wife and mother. i couldnt be a wife to my husband and my children hand fed me like i was a baby. depression hit with a vengeance . i felt i had no reason to live. my daughter fell pregnant and i realised i had lots of reasons to live.even with the intense pain. life is so precious and be taken from us so quick without warning. so melly chin up and see all the small things that makes you special and makes you happy. Get to like the new you. every life is precious remember that. gentle hugs AllyMelly, meant to include this link for you too. It's a good one to the grief cycle and what's involved in it. Thought it might be helpful at this time.

http://changingminds.org/disciplines/change_management/kuble r_ross/kubler_ross.htm

Melly~I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well. RA is kind of an emotional roller coaster at times. It can be so discouraging when you wake up felling good....brag about it and then WAM! I always hesitate to make to much out of my good days because I know they only last so long. The good thing is that the bad days only last so long too. Try not to get too discouraged. Learn to appreciate the good days and expect the bad and then you won't get too disappointed. I think it took me the longest to learn to do this but once I have it's helped me alot....at least emotionally.

I think more than anything you likely over did it. It's sad that normal activities that we use to take for granted can do that to us isn't it? It's so hard not to jump right in and catch up on all you've gotten behind on when you are feeling better. You have to learn to pace yourself though.

Certainly sounds like your bad day had a number of contributing factors and you'll never know what exactly caused the problem. If we all knew that we'd be a lot better off wouldn't we?

Hang in there Sweetie.

I hope you are feeling better today. Let us know how you are doing. Just checking in with you this morning to see how you are doing. Let us know. love and hugs, Juliah

Thaks again all. There is some really helpful advice here that when I get myself calmed down I will be focusing on. But today, I woke up in FAR worse shape if that could be possible. Slept for an incredible 10 hours, but then I when I woke up and kind of rolled over or shifted positions, the pain in my left hip that I have been having struck with a vengeance.

But the worse thing was when I went to sit up, some crazy NEW shockingly painful pain in my lower back caused me to actually scream out and fall back over in the bed. On the next attempt it happened again. So I got my pred, pain pills etc. in my mouth from a sideways position and waited for awhile looking at my hands extra swollen, stiff and throbbing. So then next, when my feet hit the floor, there was more "level 10 pain" and it felt like there were round glass balls under the balls of my feet that were making it hard to keep my balance. I finally got down the stairs, going side to side, using my elbows against the bannisters to keep from falling.

And from there I spent the rest of my morning, afternoon crying and trying to do whatever I could like heating pads, hot bath, ice pack, pain, patches, meds to get myself under some kind of control. By early evening the stiffness and swelling had subsided for the most part and by late evening so had most of the severe pain. Then, as I do now, I just feel like I had been in a horrible car wreck and what was left of me was just made of sand and glass and the remaining pain has me somwhat nauseated.

I was this bad in the very beginning (with the exception of the lower back and hip) but have not been again for quite awhile. I am starting to feel like I have something other than or in addition to the RA and Fibro.

Ouch - just skimmed over what I wrote here and am sorry I will be boring you all with such details. But this is insane. I just can't believe that after 6 months under a Rheummy's care I am not in better shape.

I cry a lot sometimes too....no wonder....my RA is in the pits, all this care for our mom plus she is not always very nice and is extreme passive /aggresive, the weather is going bonkers with hot/cold/rain, trying to get meds, my younger brother's son ( my nephew) with cancer, and my body aches all over, I am still single and miss my life and my dog, and I am immersed in menopause.........WHHHHA!

Know you are not the only one in tears.

It will get better they say...hope you are feeling better.

jode