I'm looking for a new joke book, but until then:
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, falls into a mud puddle, and then crosses the road again?
A dirty double-crosser.
Babs: Mac, help me! I'm losing my memory.
Mac: When did you first notice the problem?
Babs: What problem?
Lynda
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her
thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and
asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her
thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband
in making a living for their family . The Lord dipped His hand into the
water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls. "Is this your
thimble?" the Lord asked The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again dipped
into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires. "Is this
your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord
reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your
thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was
pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep,
and the seamstress went home happy. Some years later, the seamstress was
walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the
river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again
appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has
fallen into the river!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with
George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the
seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The
seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord It is a misunderstanding. You
see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad
Pitt . Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband.
Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in
the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands,
so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney . And so the Lord let her keep
him. The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and
honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed,
All Us Women
HOPE YOU HAVE A PAIN FREE EVENING ALL.
A "heads up" for those men who may be regular Lowe's customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works. Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Lowe's. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th. Also June 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. BTW, one has dyed red hair. Subject: Anger managementA husband asks his wife, "When I get mad at you, you never fight back..
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