OT - Jokes for the day | Arthritis Information

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,and still be afraid of a spider.

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 to a man's 15,000.The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

God may have created man before woman,but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Well done! thank you Sarah, Lynda That put a smile on the dial _popupControl();

Ok, I've been debating on whether to tell this joke, some people think it's funny, others just think it's horrible. I guess I'm twisted enough to think it's funny. But it wouldn't be in real life, it's just a joke.

Ok, so there's this guy and he gets a call to hurry to the ER, his wife's been in an accident. Terrified, the man rushes to the hospital and begins the long wait while the surgeons work on his wife.

After many long hours the surgeon emerges from the OR and tells the man "your wife was in very bad condition. We did the best we could and I am happy to tell you that your wife will live. However, life for the both of you will be dramatically different from here on. She will need round the clock care. You will have to feed her, bathe her, she will be incontinent so you will need to change her "diaper". She will be unable to communicate, so you will have to assess her needs and take care of them all. She is like an infant now and likely you will see no improvement. And I hope you have a healthy bank account, because her care will be very costly"

Wide eyed, the man stared at the doctor as he took this all in. Then the doctor told him....."I'm just messin with ya, she's dead"