I am so, so sick of pain... | Arthritis Information

 

I just need at serious vent about how wearing continual, constant never ending pain can be.

I have been in pain for ten years with no pain relief. Six weeks ago I said to my doctors, "That's it, give me pain relief!"

So they have me on morphine sulphate and you have to start at the low levels and work up until your pain is controlled but you are not doped out. We still haven't found my balance yet. Then on Friday, my doc changed the tablets from 12 hour ones to a 24 hour one and I have been in more pain ever since.

I just don't think it is enough dosage yet and the last three days my back in particular has been so sore but today it is agony and I am completely crippled up hands, posture etc.

And my doctor is not there today so I made an executive decision and took an extra 15mg 12 hour tablet as well.

I want to scream and I am almost up to, "This pain is so bad I am gonna cry."

I am so fed up with it's constant droning in the background of my life. I am fed up with everything hurting all the time, no matter what, never get a goddamn break. I am so, so sick of it.

ARRRRGGGHHH!!!!!

Hugs! Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs,

Hugs Hugs Hugs!

Go break a dish or something!  It will help!  Trust me on this!

Pip

 

What kind of pain is it that you have? Is it like deep bone pain like something is broken? Or is it the all over pain? Or is it the pain that throbs and jabbs? Does it feel like muscle pain?

Maybe the pain you have is Fibro pain. Or even nerve pain. I am not sure. There has to be something to give you relief, but I would think the morphin would do it.

I do not know... as you know I do not even take my own pain pills, until I am drove to taking them.

Just wanted to say I am sorry, and hope they find something that will help ease your pain soon.

much huggs

Oh Cordy, I am so sorry...how do you feel after taking the extra Morophine? 

Put on some music and cuddle in a blanket and cry...that's what I have been doing. 

Love ya lots and lots and lots, shel

Cordy.  I can only imagine what it's like to have suffered for so long.  I'm glad that it seems only a matter of time now, till the best dosage is found.  I'm amazed that you withstood it for ten years.  I'm not half the women you are.  Or maybe I'm ten times the big baby.

CORDY I AM SORRY TO HEAR YOU ARE IN SUCH PAIN

IT JUST DOESN'T SEEM FAIR TO NOT HAVE BREAK IN

BETWEEN WHERE YOU CAN CATCH YOU BREATH. I AM SORRY

I HAVE NO ADVICE I JUST WANTED TO RESPOND TO YOU,

BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAYS GIVING ADVICE TO EVERYONE IT

IS VERY NICE OF YOU AND SHOWS WHAT KIND OF PERSON YOU

ARE. VERY BEST WISHES TO YOU AND I HOPE THE MORPHINE

WORKS FAST FOR YOU. YOU DESERVE A BREAK.

I am so sorry, it must just be wearing you down to nothing to suffer so long. I think you should break something too. It would help relieve the frustration. I hope you can get some sleep to give you a break from this. Let us know how you are doing.

Laker

It would feel good to smash something, but just remember, whatever you break, you'll have to clean up later.

How are you feeling since you took the 12 hr. morphine? I hope it helps soon.

I have been on narcotic pain meds for quite a long time. Currently taking Methadone 1 1/2 to 2 four times a day. But we also can have pain breakthrough as you have found. For those times I have Morphine Sulfate IR. The IR is for "instant relief". It is supposed to help right away, when the Methadone is not enough. Sometimes, even 2 of the Morphine IR do not help the breakthru pain, unless I lie down when I take it and adjust my bed to take the pressure off my back.

I'm telling you my experience, so you can understand that just the long- term morphine may not be enough at times. Especially, when you have gone too long before having anything to control your pain. You also have to be sure to take it before the pain becomes severe, because at that point, it becomes much more difficult to get relief.

You definitely need to tell your doc that the dosage of morphine he has you on is not controlling your pain. There may be nothing that completely kills the pain, but the goal is to make it manageable, so you are not at the point you got to. That is not only hard on your body, but it plays hell with your mental attitude, too.

Hopefully, once he gets your morphine up to the level you need to be at, he will also prescribe something for breakthrough pain. To me, the breakthru med is equivilant to an "emergency or quick acting" inhaler, for an asthmatic. If you can get a quick handle on the breakthru pain, then your normal pain med can control the pain and make it an "acceptable" level.

This pain, for me, is not from my RA, alone. A good deal of my pain comes from the OA in my spine, among other places. Also DDD, scoliosis, stenosis, and degenerated discs at every level of my spine.

I'm so glad he finally gave you something, but it really sounds like you need something stronger, NOW.

Hope you feel better, soon, Sweetie! Sending you gentle hugs.

Much love, Nini   

Hi Cordy, well I don't know what to say other than you know we are here for you, can't help physically but mentally maybe.  I know what you are going through, the only suggestion I have is to keep hassling your GP until you get the help you need.  The only thing I found after going through this was that my GP could only prescribe my narcotic meds for 12 months and after that she had to get a pain specialist in on the act to be able to continue prescribing, this is a govt stipulation.  Once I had attended tha pain clinic I got the green light to go ahead and have been on narcotics now for 18 months.  I takeendone every four hours more or less, I am supposed to take an antiinflammatory every 3rd day but due to GERD and terrible tummy problems I try to avoid them like the plague.  Best of luck, I hope you get some well deserved break from the pain soon.  Love always your friend Janie. 

Oh hunny. :( How have you not killed someone by now????? You're a stronger woman than I. Don't you dare let this go if the pill doesn't work for you. You do everything in your power to find something that works. You DESERVE it. As Joonie said, I'm curious as to what kind of pain it is too. Perhaps theres other things that can help you.

 

WE LOVE YOU!!!

Cordelia -

I am so sorry you are having such a tough time!!!  Hang in there with the morphine - I know you want relief NOW, but definitely ramp up S-L-O-W-L-Y.  If you take too much morphine when you are not used to it, you can die.  That's why you've got to start out slowly and work up.

Are you a redhead?  There is some research that shows redheads may respond differently to opiates than the rest of the population.  Some studies have shown that opiates are somewhat less effective; some research shows that some of the opiates are more effective in people with red hair.  I'll try to dig up my pharmacology texts tomorrow or the next day.

Personally, morphine never did anything for me except make me throw up.  It gave me ZERO pain relief after each of my c-sections.  Now, if I have surgery, I have to beg them NOT to give me morphine; I do much better with a shot of Toradol (VERY potent non-steroidal anti-inflammatory) before I wake up (I can't stand needles!!), and two vicodins and a Coke as soon as I'm awake.  Toradol can only be used for a few days at a time; I don't know if you guys have it down under.  It might help you get through this rough patch until they get the opiates squared away.
Thank you all for your incredible support as usual. I love you guys. And for all the hugs and yes, I feel like breaking something I just haven't found the right thing yet.

The is RA. Basically from what my doctor's say not only is every joint from the nose down effected, my muscles are also inflamed. The last few days my back has been so sore and my spine feels all crippled up, my feet feel like they are standing in fire, my hands are crippled up and feel like they are in fire and every single part of me from my head to my toes hurts like mad.

It just all got too much this morning. It is exhausting and wearing and after all these years I am not tolerant any longer.

The extra morphine did help. It is a drug that has always worked well in the past for me. Unfortunately NSAIDS offer me no pain relief at all nor does Pred. Tonight I will take another 12 hour also of 15mg and will call my doctor tomorrow. I have had this disease long enough to trust my own decision making when I have too.

Thank you for all caring so much and trying to help. Just venting made me feel better. I just needed to scream to people who knew what I was darn well talking about.

Oh Cordy sweetie, I am sorry you are suffering so. Did the second pill help? I am on Avinza which is a slow release 24 hr morphine pill. Honestly I don't notice a big difference, but it does take the edge off. I still take norco 3x day too. Lyrica helps some with neuropathy, but I dont think we are quite there with the dose yet. Definitely better than Neurontin though... Hang in there and keep demanding (or crying) whatever works best.

Deb

Deb,

I am on the AU version of Avinza called Kapanol. I like the whole concept of the 24hr pill using the peaking of the sustained released over my sleep time so I get rest. I just don't think we have the dose right yet as we have to go up slowly and keep playing around with dosage until we find the level that is good for me. It all takes time and a week for each new dosage to settle. The last 3 days have just been particularly painful ones for me so it is just not cutting it. I am only on 50mg and I think we may need to go up some more to get on top of it.


I am currently looking for dishes to thrown, the only problem being because of the RA I have no crockery, I can't lift them. Neve and I use a plastic picnic plates and bowls...somehow they don't have the same effect when you throw them. 

 Cordy,

 So sorry you're in so much pain! Are you this way all the time? I can't imagine what your going through. I've had very few screaming pain episodes and not for very long at that. I would stay in an ER demanding they knock me out if I hurt that bad You know what would be even MORE enjoyable to break than dishes? Those stupid ceramic trinkets they sell at the dollar stores. Most of them are SO UGLY.

Cordy- You can come smash something over my building contractors head if you want, might make them move quicker

Gentle Hugs

Lisa

Dear Cordelia, I wonder what time it is in your part of the world, it is 3am here! I'm awake after taking MTX yesterday afternoon, and then sleeping from 4pm until 7, now I'm awake at this ungodly hour.

I'm so sorry honey, that you are suffering. There must be something your doctor can do to help you?!!. I'm thinking of you and wish we could sit down and cry together. love ya, LyndaPin, thanks for the offer. It sounds like fun

 

Cordy...I hate when they try to mess with the dosage of something so important as our pain meds.  I guess we always want something to work better, but at what expense.  I think it would be a great idea to talk to your RD, and make sure adding the other pill is ok.  I don't want the effects of it NOT being ok. 

Love to you and good sleep my friend!

I am so sorry to hear about the pain you are in.  I wish I knew a way to help but I can't think of anything because yours sounds so bad.

I can send prayers and good thoughts your way and hope that is eases real real soon.

Many hugs to you Cordy!!  Hopefully when your doc gets back in the office you can get this mess with pain control straightened out.  It really sucks to be in constant continuous pain all the time.  Shel - I'm okay, don't worry. Can't call my RD because it is now 10.37pm on Tues night. But I will be calling my GP first thing in the morning as I feel like a bloody crippled, pain riddled old lady today, 

Hi Cordy,

I'm sorry to hear the pain is so bad.  Katie had some good ideas.  Or rip up things if your hands will allow.  Hugs

Cordy, we can really feel for you as most of us have felt the pain you mean. take care. and let us know how you go after being to the doctors. gentle hugs . Ally

Oh my goodness, I feel so sorry about your horrific pain, Cordelia.  I hope you soon have a pain-free day.

Nancy

Thanks ally and Nancy, I so both appreciate you thinking of me. It has to get better soon. I would be happy with my usual low extreme.  Its awful when you think you have felt the worst and then it comes up and bites you on the butt. just to let you know it can get worse.Yeah, it absolutely sucks, ally! I can do my usual amount of extreme pain without a complaint but when it just keeps rising and isn't stopping even with morphine...argh!  Look after yourself Cordy, and try to get some sleep tonight if you can. Dont hesitate to go to the hospital outpatients if it gets worse. I am heading off to bed now,nearly midnight. So goodnight and talk to yas again tommorrow.I am so sorry sweetie.  Its been about 3 years for me and I understand the pain you are talking about.  Try soaking in a bath of salt water, if you can get in and out of the tube.  Love and hugs Thanks Michele, I know you understand. Pain is slightly better today but not much, will call my doctor when they open. Only 7.40am here at the moment. At least I did sleep, not great but sleep. 

I feel so awful for you.  It must be so demoralizing and exhausting to feel the way you do every day.  I'm amazed you are as upbeat and functional as you usually are.  You obviously are a very strong person and you will conquer this, and it's good that you're asking for the extra help you need.  Did you feel better venting?  Then do it more often, we're here to listen.  Whatever it takes....do it (as long as it's not illegal) Scratch that last part....if it's illegal just don't tell us, either that or we'll just turn our "backs" so we don't see it and can't rat you out. 

Please feel better. 

 

Jesse, it is demoralising and exhausting and depressing to never, ever get a break from pain.

I feel so much better when I vent and I probably don't vent enough, because I am so used to dealing with it...but the last few days have been a nightmare.

I am usually upbeat and functional because I make a choice to be that way as much as I can. It's way more fun than being miserable but believe me, I have lot's of teary, angry, depressed, crappy moments too.

Cordy,

I hope your feeling somewhat better today. I feel so bad for you..... I understand how you are feeling cause I have had non stop pain since I was dx. Its like pulling teeth with my RD to get my pain meds. It me a whole year to get some to bring me any relief. You must be a super strong lady to deal with this monsterous pain for 10 years. You're in my thoughts.

Hugs and more Hugs

Cordy,

You were just in my thoughts today.  Hope it is a better one!

Cordelia,

I just can't believe that you have been enduring this much pain for 10 long years. Just today I was venting to my mom about how crazy it is that no matter the pain killer (in my experience yet anyway) do I actually get free of pain. Dulled (and dulled pretty thoroughly at times) but it just never leaves and it's just so draining. I now feel bad for even complaining now that I know what you have been dealing with for 10 years when I am just a year in really. I have to tell you that though I really admire that you manage to stay so upbeat and always so full of concern for others in most of your posts (under the circumstances especially), I think it is also good that you blow some steam off from time to time just to maintan your sanity. 

I really hope this new pain regimen (once the kinks are all ironed out) ends up being the right one for you. You certainly deserve a break for yourself! 

Best of luck!

Mellt

Oh, Melly, no you are completely right I definitely do need to vent way more often. It isn't until things get 'extreme' my assessment that the need to vent comes on, I suppose. Up til then I just endure I suppose. Pain can become normalized even though you still feel it. My doctors actually apologized to me when I first asked for pain meds six weeks ago because they hadn't realized that I didn't have any, I suppose because I hadn't got in there faces about it.

I feel completely able to encourage others even though I may be feel like total garbage. I suppose I don't see one canceling out the other. I enjoy helping other people. I hope I give them in encouragement and hope and a way through most times.

But yes, I also need to speak up and ask for support and vent when I need.

Talked to my doctor today and she is putting me back on the 12 hr sustained release morphine and increasing it.

Thanks Mary and angy for you thoughts and kind words too.

At least today, I have managed to sleep through the pain.

And you shall get more of me blowing off steam. Cordelia39351.005462963Cordy you are just like my mom and I. You need to be needed. You're a nurturer, a carer, a giver. It's a wonderful personality to have, I love it. But the downfall is that sometimes you end up thinking about yourself last, and when you do that, you can no longer be that giver that you so desire to be. So take care of yourself FIRST more often. Cause we like you taking care of us. :) *hugs* Yes, Katie, what you say is true, I naturally help other people, can't really seem to help myself but just being on here gives to me too.

When I was dxed I had nothing. I didn't know about AI at that time. I had no support at all. I felt isolated, alone, despairing and confused. I really enjoy helping especially the newly dxed who are in shock because I so remember how terrible it was without an AI in my life.

Now, I can't imagine life without all of you. Just being on the board keeps me going every day because hey, some days recently as most of you know for many reasons I have stood on the edge of darkness. I have now had 48 hours of this sheer hell and I have to say I have had it.

I am so over RA.

I am so over pain.

I am done.

I am finished.

I am pissed off.

I have had it.

Enough.

Unfortunately RA isn't done with me so I will have to find a way through, geez, I hate that.

I have my old pain meds in me tonight, doc changed it via phone today,  so hopefully I will sleep but they take a few days to settle back in. Meanwhile I plan to be on my doc's doorstep in the morning as we have to get this solved.

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

This is so sucky. I'm sorry!!! :( Man there has to be a better word for it then that. Who the hell came up with "sorry" It's dumb.  Oh, I will camp out if I have to but no, I won't have to do so. Her and I have a really good relationship, she will see me just about anytime I need her too. We talked on the phone yesterday but she was swamped with patients and we didn't get it finished but if I turn up...she will see me.

Thanks Katie.

I just woke up...it's 6.35am here on Thursday morning. I am starting to feel the pain kick in again in the last ten minutes...god, I hope it is not going to be as bad today.
I'm hoping with you!!!! It's 3:30pm over here in the panhandle of FL, and I'm going to take a nap. I'll be sure to make it a good nap, one fitting for you AND me. Haha how's that sound?? ;-) That sounds great. I am relying on you , Katiekins.  Hi Cordy, I'm new to this site, and I think I messaged you before, but I'm so sorry you're in such pain.  You'll be in my prayers.  I would think that the morphine would work, maybe it will just take some time.  Like somebody said, break something that will help.  I'm also tired of feeling tired and the pain.  The pain is awful.  Try listening to some nice music and read a book that you would like, maybe that might help.  Or maybe there is a DVD you might like to see to try and take your mind off your pain.  Well, take care of yourself my many Hugs, Hugs, Hugs goes to you.  God Bless you.    Dotti51

we love ya!

deb

Man I hope the doc can be of some help.  I won't even complain any not with what you are dealing with.  I am so sorry things haven't looked up but I sure hope they do soon.Thank Dotti and Robin for your kind words.

I am still in agony today but at least I am going to crash my doctors in an hour. Lol.

Deb - she took me off the 24hour tablet and put me back on the 12 hour ones I was on that was at least doing something but she has increased the 12 hr ones also. No, it hasn't worked yet because it takes them a couple of days to settle back in...the tablets, so to speak. I am going to ask her what else she can give me in the meantime as Neve is at a friends today, tonight and tomorrow so I can completely crash if I need to.

Hope it made sense this time.

A hug each...

Alrighty Cordy, I'm awake and it was a doozy of a nap. Do you feel better!??!?! 
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