Don't get me wrong. I have a wonderful husband who has stuck through the sickness and health part of our marriage. The problem is...since I have had my battle with arthritis my husband acts more like my caretaker instead of my husband. I am in my middle 30's and have had arthiritis for 8 years. Anyone with the same problem? Yes, I understand your problem. I have the same problem you have. I have psoriatic arthritis, and heart problems, fibromyalgia, hypothyroidism. I have good days and bad days, sometimes I just don't want to not bring up the subject, and just try to pretend everything is fine, but he wants to be the mother hen. I feel like he doesn't look at me as a beautiful woman anymore. [QUOTE=teach4grd] ... my husband acts more like my caretaker instead of my husband..... Anyone with the same problem? [/QUOTE]
Flash, my husband, has not found a good fit with his forced role of caregiver and, as a result, our relationship has inexorably and irrevocably changed. We remain best of friends and still care deeply for one another, but sickness has dulled the sparkle and tarnished the romance. We have both had to develop new degrees of patience and daily we work on our level of consideration and understanding. New perspectives are hard won and can be costly to relationships no matter the firmness of their foundations and patience, being a virtue, is never easy to find and is always difficult to maintain.
Con brio! Happ [QUOTE=ves54] Yes, I understand your problem. I have the same problem you have. I have psoriatic arthritis, and heart problems, fibromyalgia, hypothyroidism. I have good days and bad days, sometimes I just don't want to not bring up the subject, and just try to pretend everything is fine, but he wants to be the mother hen. I feel like he doesn't look at me as a beautiful woman anymore.[/QUOTE] I feel exactly the way you do. He treats me like a patient. Our relationship has changed so much. We have a toddler and since she was born, he has been the main caretaker for both of us. I have been on Enbrel for about almost two years now, and I am much better. He likes the fact that I am better and lets me take on my fair share. I just wish he could look at me the way he did before I got sick. I mean God wiling I still have 40 plus years ahead of me, and I would like to have a little romance back in the picture. I know he has been affected by this in ways I can't imagine, and I am so grateful, because many men would have bailed. I just want something besides empathy thrown my way..Do you feel the same?
Well, at first my husband went the exact opposite in our relationhsip. He kind of isolated me and built a wall of protection. (mind you we have only been dealing with this for about nine months).
He says he does not want to initiate the intimate part of our relationship...1. because he never knows when I am feeling good enough for it. 2. and recently I have learned that this is huge...he does not want to HURT me more. I guess they are just worried about us and you really have to capture that communication on a different level of existance. I don't ever picture my husband taking care of me like yours does, but there are still huge fears in his little mind.
Mine started with a wall of protection. After several years, our relationship became severely strained. We began attending church...together. This has been our saving grace. Otherwise, I know we would be divorced by now. As time passes, your mate will go through alot of changes. It is kind of like a death of a person. Grief, denial, anger, regret. You both go through it. It takes a strong relationship to survive something like this. As I have said before. I have more good things to say than bad at this point in our relationship.
Teach...I am glad you are at the place you are. We are not there yet, and part of it is we live totally separate lives...have for a long time. He is an avid Motorcycle rider, and belongs to a Christian group, and I just cannot muster the energy or the will to go and do like he does. I guess we are still adjusting, and it has been less than a year for us.
Good luck, I hope you find exactly what you want.
Shelly
Thank you so much for the prayers. We are better than we were a month ago, and he is getting the fact that I cannot do everything, and he is encouraging to do the crafty things I love. So, that is helping.
You are really lucky that u had such a caring husband I think the most important thing is to talk about it. If you both or one of you holds all of your feelings in, then nothing will ever change. Just like any big change a couple goes through or lives through, you have to be willing to talk about it with each other. Let your feelings be heard and hopefully good change will come.