Ok how many of you are in denial?
I am going to say I am. I learn and adapt to my new pain and problems and then BAM! In comes a new pain and/or problem. One day you feel good and feel like doing something, the next day in the bed with pain and just tired.
This disease does tend to change and add more to it. Like I have fibro now... woohooo! NOT! I think I now know when fibro is acting up. Not entirely sure.
It is like once you get use to something and how it feels when you need to take a "break" it changes on you or something else pops up.
I am so use to my right knee being swelled now, it does not phase me when it is swelled, it is when it is not swelled I have a problem with it. I am thinking I do not know how to act when my knee is not swelled so I just treat it like I do when it is swelled. But it sure does seem to hurt more when not swelled.
Yeah... in denial because I will not use an electric cart in the store. I rather walk around in sllllooooooooowwwwwwwwwww motion. And have people stare at me like I am the crazy one... I am not the crazy one... they are because they are walking upright and look like the Flash compared to me.
Oh well... Denial... it is one thing to get outta. But soo hard to give up something you are just not ready to give up. I have given up a lot of things the last couple of years, but they have been slowly slipping away before then. So... do not miss it too much... just wished I was able to do it halfassed again
You know I was in denial... I know it too. It was because of how much I fought not to take pain meds, and here I am popping Darvocet for the last 2 weeks. Darvocet SUCKS BTW! Does not help with the pain that much, just helps me to sleep thru my pain better.
*sings*
I am in denial... I am in denial... I am in denial...
So sorry. I am equally confused if not more. Denial. I understand . and anger probably. I think the fact that i have both is what kept me from getting a sero negative RA dx in the past. Because there is no way my RA just started 6 weeks ago. Do not where your self out what is what. Treat the RA, treat the pain and try to go from there. I know it won't be easy. But fibro is a come and go disorder. And should leave in time. It stinks who needs more pain.Thanks Milly... I was in denial about the Fibro, but today... well... now I know what my mom's friend meant when she said the slightest touch would hurt like someone hit you. Well... today seemed like every time someone touched me it hurt.
Oh well... off to bed I go... sleepy meds are kicking in.
Yep, for the most part I can relate to the denial, but with the pain and fatigue(which hubby is now noticing) denial will probably be a thing of the past. I am just hoping for some relief...like a little more long term than one day. I guess it has to be less than a day by day process.
Joonie,
I feel like that too. When people ask me how I am I say "fine!" because life goes on whether I feel good or not. Also, anytime I feel a tiny bit better I think I am going to get comepletely better so I guess I am in denial. In reality, I am just adapting and getting used to the pain, and developing new problems in addition. We are remodeling a bathroom and I got mad at my hubby because he wanted to have a bench and hand rail put in the shower. I said I don't need it-that's denial.
Laker
I know I have posted this before, but it was a turning point for me in my alcoholism. A woman came up to me after a meeting and said "maybe your denial is so strong you will never be allowed to see it". That was the first durn thing that made sense. Denial is so strong you cannot see or recognise it to even get your head and arms around it to even begin to understand it.
And I am now using it on whatever medical diagnosis I have at the moment. I get lulled into complacency for a day or two, so the squirrel cage in my head starts going "I am not really sick, its gone, I am fine, ad nauseum", then BAM something new happens to kick off my own personal arthritis/autoimmune party. The strange part was that after she said that about denial, I could start to slowly turn my alcoholism at me, and started out of denial. I am still waiting for it with my disease. I am rambling.
I guess my problem is the same, but the other side of the coin. Most of the time I feel pretty good. Something hurts to some degree most days, but I'm 44 years old and have not exactly been gentle with my body all these years. The last few days it's been my elbow. it doesn't ache, but it hurts if I pick something up that has any wieght to it. RA or natural wear and tear? I don't know.
I am extremely annoyed to have a "so far" incurable disease. It seems unreal that I would find myself in this posistion. My mind seems to tip either to one side or the other, it seems unreal so it must be, or, no. RA meds make me feel alot better, RD says I have it, I have had several short flares in the last couple of months, and 8 months ago I couldn't walk. So I do have it. But how can I? It's too unreal.
Skipping my meds is a strong temptation every single Friday. Sometimes I think that it would be good to do that because even if things go bad for me, then at least I'd know for sure. But I don't really know if that would make me know, because thinking I don't have it isn't really based on the facts. I think I would eventually start telling myself it was just a fluke and I probably don't really have it. And then I'd just be back where I am now, only with another huge flare under my belt. So, I guess I'll just go on as I have been. It's frustrating.
Me too. Only just realised. Only had this disease for last year, and I think I am just coming to terms with it.Sooooooooooo tired, nad its making me down, and this is just NOT me.......Sign me up on the 'those in denial' lists. I keep thinking that if I just bull my way through, then someone will realize that they have made a horrible mistake and I do not have RA. In fact, if I just click my heels three times and say the magic word, all the stiffness/pain/fatigue will magically disappear and I can go back to being the Andrea that has nine projects going at the same time---and they are being managed/completed with efficiency and grace. Instead, I am Andrea with stiffness/pain/fatigue, 9 projects (in various stages of completion), and now meds that make me nauseous off and on and that darn dx of RA is still hanging its shingle at my house.
A-
When people say, "How are you?" I figure they don't really want to know, it's like a greeting. So I always said fine, because it changes the whole direction of the conversation if you say I feel terrible. Now I say okay, I don't feel okay, but neither do I want to talk about how crappy I feel because it doesn't really help how you feel. I don't think that means I'm in denial, it's because everyone else is in denial and seriously we're all more caught up in our own stuff. I can't stand the people who reply, "Just okay?" and I get to say, I have RA. and they say Oh, and the conversation gets dragged sideways with some dumb comment about how they have arthritis in their pinky finger. The people who are really my friends know what I've been going through.Yeah, I think you nailed that one. Does the cashier at Kroger REALLY want to know how I am??Only notice in denial when some thing else goes wrong, the rest of the time I am sure I got it under control. Like when you get sick and off your meds, you start to panic. I know I do and did. Even though I do not like needles I would still panic that if I did not take the Humira I surely would revert back to where I was before I started Humira. I now know, that is not so true. Of course, you get to not doing as well as when you where taking the Humira, but not all the way back to having to depend on someone else ALL the time or even bed ridden. Or like when you get a new pain or symptom, you start to think "Great just Great! Now I have something else I have to learn to cope, deal with and learn to adapt to." But not much you can do about it other than do what you already decided you had to do if you had it. It is like when you find out you are pregnant and you were already sure before you went you where pregnant, but you had to get confirmation that you were, and then you walk outta the office a little shocked and then you start to think of everything that is going to change and how to possibly deal with a new person that depends totally on you.
That is kinda how this disease is. I depends totally on you on how it progresses and how it is treated.
Hmm...don't know if I've ever been in denial, per se, but there are days that I feel so good that I forget. Well, at least I used to have those days. As compared to some, I'd have to say I'm in pretty good shape. I'm still fairly mobile, not like I used to be, but I still do most of what I used to do before the dx. I guess it can be said that my RA is mild at this point. But I know that could change. The biggest difference is the fatigue. I tire easily. And on those days when I feel really good, and "forget" that I have RA, usually around 5 or 6 o'clock, it comes home. So to speak. My knees are in pretty rough shape, so I don't usually walk up stairs if I can help it. But I try to do 2 miles every day on the treadmill. I noticed when I started the walking routine, I felt better. Don't know how long I'll be able to keep that up, but I will as long as I can. I want to do all I can, all that's in my power, to be as healthy and as active as my body will allow me. I tell my self all the time, "I will not give in to this". Maybe that's denial. I dunno. I like call it a strong will to fight.
I'll tell ya what really burns me. I have to pick my son up at my mom's every afternoon when I get off work ( work full time). Most days, I plop in the chair for a few minutes to rest a bit. Sometimes my mom says, "What's the matter?" and I'm like, "I'm just so tired. My body hurts today." And she always respond, "Well, that's what happens when you get old." How INSENSITIVE!!! first of all, I'm only 40. And if its "getting old" then how does she explain juvenile RA? I've asked her that, and she just blows me off. So finally, I just stopped saying anything. If she's asks how I feel, I tell her "great! Thanks!" Even though I might feel rotten. And I can relate to the one with the arthritis in the pinky. My mom can't seem to differentiate between the OA in her hand and my RA all over my body. sheesh.