Warning, this may be a long and depressing post, viewer discretion is advised!
Well, a quick background for those that are new or don't remember me. I am a 37 year old who was relatively healthy until 3 years ago, at the age of 34, I tried to start a family. Had several miscarriages. Started seeing a RE, reproductive endocrinologist. During the testing and fertility treatments, developed RA symptoms. Went on the have a total of 5 miscarriages, all unexplained.
After the last, my whole body swelled and became very painful. Told first fibro than seronegative ra. Have been to more drs than I can count and get dx from sero negatiove ra to UCTD to just fat and depressed, my favorite of them all!!
The strain of the uncertain dx and being ill has put a great strain on my marriage and I have lost a lot of friends as well. Recently went to the Great U of M and told I was not just fat but obese and depressed. Well, if I wasn't depressed before that I sure was after!!!
You have been greatly missed. I am very glad you are getting answers from all directions. Take care and take it one day at a time. CathyI'm sorry Michele. But I'm glad you are back online.Glad you are back! We missed you...OMG...that's horrible! I'm glad you're getting the help you need
finally. It;s been such a terrible struggle for you. That's a really
dark place to be in. I hope you get some good therapists that you can
groove with.
Please believe things can and will get better. Take care of yourself!
Michelle, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. All of us have been wondering about you and were very worried. I just hope that you continue to progress and that they'll be some definitive answers for you in the very near future. Lindy Things happen for a reason, it seems. I am glad something positive can come out of such a sad situation.
As for the husband... go with your gut feeling... but understand that he's probably been under a great deal of stress watching you go through this ordeal, and his frustration probably reached the boiling point. I'm not trying to excuse his actions or blame you in any way... but we all say and do stupid things from time to time that we later realize we didn't mean. And guys especially have trouble handling the emotional stuff, so it's not a shock that he might lash out at you - you're the closest one to him! He was probably scared to death of losing you, despite how rotten he may have been acting. It's hard to admit that; it's much easier to lash out. Kinda like the frustrated 3-year old that tells his mommy he's going to run away from home because he's mad about something that he can't quite express.
Michele,
I'm so glad to hear from you. I can't express how sorry I am for the pain you are going thru. I can't imagine how difficult and lonely you have been feeling. Please, please, let me know if I can do anything for you. You have friends here, lots of them. We have all missed you terribly. Please take care of yourself first. Everything and everyone else will fall into place.
We are just a PM away. Please take care of yourself!
Phats
< =text/>_popupControl(); (((michele))) I can totally understand where you are coming from and why you did what you did. And yes, I had been wondering where the heck you have been.
I am glad that you made thru this. I am glad that they are finally sitting up and taking notice of what is going on with you. I am NOT GLAD on the mechanism of which it took them to sit up and take notice. I just want to smack these doctors and ask them...if my sweet loving g/f was as depressed as you say...why wasn't something being done about it? Now look what you went and made her do!!! The whole heart thing and the blood clots explains a lot of your symptoms. Especially the fatigue and swelling. I wouldn't rule out RA yet either. All those meds that you had to take for fertility...I wonder how much of those contributed to the medical issues they have found and are going to continue to find.
I am so happy you are still with us Michele. Do what it takes to make you better. Please. Keep us updated as you feel like it. the rest of what I have to say I will send off in a PM to you. Just be assured that not only I love you and care about you...but my girls do too.
Oh Michele, I was afraid of something like this. I just had a feeling and was really bothered by the fact that we didn't have any way to check on you.
Please know that we were thinking about you and missed you, and we truly do care about you. You are very important around here, Girl!!
Damn, it took a lot, but you finally are getting some folks to take you seriously. AFT if you know what I mean.
Special prayers heading your way, sweetie. You are a very brave woman, and we need you round here - please don't leave us again!
Karen
Glad to hear from you. Everyone was worried. So sorry to hear things had gotten so horrible for you. Make sure your therapist actually listens and helps, or dump them! Sometimes it takes 3-4 different ones to find the perfect one for you.I was worried because I hadn't heard from you.
Rest, relax (is that possible???) and recuperate.
Hugs and healing.
Pip
P.S. It wasn't the Great U was it? Figures.
Dear Michele, we are here for you. How awful you must feel with everything that has come crashing down on you. Please, continue to write and 'don't worry' about people here being depressed, as we understand what this nasty disease can do to people. Please, continue to write , if you can with your poor fingers, and keep in touch. We were scared for you!, this is such a dumb, lonely disease. Wish INow at least you have the Dr's attention and hopefully you're on your way to a full recovery. It's a shame it had to come to this. I don't know what to think about your husband, it's just a decision only you can make. Good luck and I hope ya'll can be happy if you try to work things out.
Please stay in touch here and let us be your friends, we've all missed you and love you.
Michele, I am so glad you are here. I have worried about you so much, b/c a body can only take so much. You just take your therapy seriously, and SCREAM and CRY until you have nothing left. Someone has to listen, and now they are. I am so very thankful for that.
Michele, please be careful with your life. You are too precious to end this all. I understand the frustration and the thoughts, but please come to us, and express if those thoughts come back.
As far as hubby goes, you need to shelf that for a while and concentrate on you. Men say very stupid stuff when they are put under the pressure of an illness that they cannot control. Give him room, but at some time you and he will probably need help unwinding the feelings with someone. Right now that is of second consequence. YOU are first and foremost, and don't go back to that awful office. You need to turn him in for sexual advances and be done with that. I want you to find an environment that will be totally supportive.
Thank God they finally found some of the puzzle. Hang in there for the rest...we will be here cheering you on. You are a beautiful brave women, and there are plenty of people here that LOVE you to pieces! shel
Oh Michele, my heart and prayers go out to you. I hope that with the proper care that is happening, that the healing will continue. I am so sorry. I can only imagine what you were feeling. Wow Michele. I'm glad you're finally getting the care you need. But don't do that ever again. How awful for you...I wondered where you were a long with a dozen others. I pray that things will get better for you and your husband and that the docs can put an end to your search to find what has caused you so much pain.My dear Michelle, My heart is with you. I know many of the others feel the same.
I wish I had some wise words to help you heal, but my heart is just breaking right now, to think that you went through all of that. And we didn't know how much you needed someone, or how to reach you.
It's almost criminal that it took that kind of desperation to get the care you have been seeking. If they don't treat you right, you just jump right in here and let us know. I bet that between us,we could arrive at some kind of help for you. But it sounds like they are finally taking you seriously, and giving you the care you deserve.
Please, please keep in contact with us. I hope you know how much we love you! Be at peace, Sweetie.
Huge gentle hugs.
Nini
Hey Hunny........we missed you. Lots and lots you know. Like Kelly said, things happen for a reason it seems. MY GOD THEY FOUND THINGS WRONG WITH YOU LIKE YOU KNEW WERE THERE!!!!!!! FREAKING YAY!!!! Finding the problem if the first way to treat it, right??? :) So all in all, I am happy for you. I hope, regardless of the hubby issue, that all of this will work out for you. If you can get your health under control, all else will fall into place. And until then, please don't forgetMichele- I am so very sorry that you had to endure such anguish to get someone to listen to you. I am so angry with Will that he couldnt be more there for you but hopefully therapy will help him to come to terms with all of this. Please dont ever do this again, we would all miss you so much but more importantly your life is too valuable to lose. You have so much to give , you have been a good friend and advisor to many of us , we all love you lots.
You will get through this and just shout if you need any of us to help.
you are in my thoughts and prayers
Michelle,
I have been worrying about you and wondering where you were. Don't worry about posts being depressing. Everyone understands and you have been through so much. It makes me angry that you had to go through this to get help but I am glad they are finally taking you seriously. Often depression comes out of illness, why didn't the docs realize illness was the cause of the depression rather than vice versa?
Take one thing at a time and don't make any decisions about your husband for a long time yet. You are both under too much stress to make a good decision right now. Rest and be well. You are in my prayers.
Laker
My thoughts and prayers are with you. It sounds generic I know, but it is genuinely from the heart. The pain and suffering you have had to endure has been in every sense of the word, impossible to live with...understandedly so.
This disease and all that comes with it has so many different dynamics to it that when it becomes unbearable, you seek direction. When you are unable to obtain this guidance,direction and support (which is a key element), it undoubtedly must be felt as a hopeless feeling.
I truly feel for you and thought of this for quite some time, worried about the feelings that must be racing through your mind, not to mention all the pain you must be in.
IT sounds as though you are on the right track, however you may have gottenon that track. Hopefully your husband will be supportive, the Dr.'s will help heal you and the counseling will help you cope with the yuck of this disease and all it brings with it.
Mostly:
I hope you can find joy.
I hope you can make it through this pain and anguish.
And I truly believe that you can make it through this.
Jode
Dear Michele, it is a whole day since you posted and I'm wondering how you are doing???!!! Please post on this thread or start a new post to let me know how you are feeling. Please PM me anytime, LyndaI think Shelly is exactly right when she says you have to come first right now. What happens with your marriage will have to wait a bit. There will be time to sort that out and I believe counselling, both on your own and together, will be very helpful. Make sure you find the right counsellor that clicks with you, no matter what you have to do.
I can't believe all it took for the doctors to give you the basic treatment you have deserved, but I am so relieved that you finally have some answers. Please take good care of yourself and although it may be hard to post right now, just let us know that you're alright, even if that post has just two words.
I will be thinking about you and sending some healing energy your way.
I can't say anything that others haven't already said, but I do want to repeat it ... I'M GLAD YOU'RE STILL WITH US!
It truly is sad that it took something this serious for the doctors to take notice. I am very thankful that your husband woke up when he did. Not happy about his "dear john" letter right when you were at your lowest. But, thankfully, it looks like he is back on track too.
Rest, relax, and recoup! I truly wish you the best and will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Michele,
I am so glad you are here with us. You would have missed. I am so sorry for everything that is happening to you. Please keep posting so we can know that you are ok....Let us know how treatment is going.
Sending you GIGANTIC Hugs!
Michele,So sorry for what you've been through, Michele. Hopefully now things can get sorted out.
Stay strong and be well!
Kelly
So sorry for what you're going through Michele. It is just sickening that it took something like this for the Dr's to get their heads out of their butts and realize SOMETHING is wrong!!
Many many prayers and hugs your way!!
Take care of yourself- let us know how you are when you can.
((hugs)))
Amy
(((((((((((((Michele))))))))))))))
Got nothing to say as everyone else already said it.
Missed you greatly.
Many hugs and much love to you
What you have been through is dispicable! I fought for a while telling Dr's that the pain was NOT all in my head but nothing like you had to.
Michele, I will be praying for you and also that NO woman has to go through what you did in order to receive proper medical care.
Michelle I'm so glad you are okay. You are in my prayers.Ditto what everyone else had said! We wish you the best and please come on line and talk to us when you need someone.Wow, I am truly touched at the outpouring of love and support I have gotten. This is by far the most difficult thing I have dealt with. Going through detox at the same time makes it that much worse.Im so glad to hear from you Michelle.....Just remember that we are here for you ALWAYS!!!!
Michele, I'm so sorry for all that you've been going through. You must have felt so very alone. I wish that I lived close to you, I would help you any way that I could. God only knows why you've had to go through what you have, but finally something is being done for you. I can't even imagine how frustrating and hopeless this has all felt for you. Please, take care of yourself. You are a precious jewel, and you deserve a life. I wouldn't tell you what to do, all I'm saying is, your husband is causing you more grief than you can handle right now. This is your time to get well. It's not about him, (which I feel he's been thinking all along), it's about you. All your energy needs to be focused on YOU.
Be strong! You don't realize the strength you have inside you! You have so many friends here, Michele. We love you very much. I'm so thankful you are here.
Michelle,
A day at a time, that's all you can do. Easier said than done, but please try to focus on yourself and try not to get into issues with your husband at this time. I'll be thinking of you. Be well.
Michelle, I am new to the board but wanted to give you my best wishes. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. Please hang in there!
Christina
Michelle; I've been busy with work, the new puppy and just life in general and haven't seen this yet. I'm so, so sorry that things came to this; but I hope you are getting the help you've needed for so long now.
You'll be in my prayers sweetie. I hope things are getting better for you.
Hang in there.
Michele,< =text/>_popupControl(); You are sounding much better Michele!! YAY!!! We are here for you girlie!!!
Much love and many hugs!!!!!
Michele,
It does sound kinda generic, but yes, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm glad you are now getting the help you need and deserve.
Michele, as I was thinking about how difficult things must feel right now, I didn't even think about the detox. My heart goes out to you.
I understand how hurt you are by what your husband has done, rightfully so, and the last thing you need to hear is him defending himself. Now is not the time to make any permanent decisions about your marriage, with all you have been through, and especially if your mind still feels cloudy. Tell Will if he wants this to work, he should start supporting you and taking care of you ASAP, and then he should be patient, so that when you are feeling better, you will sit down together and decide how (or whether) to work things out.
The saying's old but true...take it one day (or hour or minute) at a time.
Sorry to hear you are going through these tough times. Keep God in your heart and all will be well.
MOT
Michelle,
I just saw this post. I so hope the therapy is helping and always know you are not alone. Sending all good wishes your way.
Please take good care.
xoxo
Crispy
Michelle, I am so very sorry for the pain and suffering you have been through. Depression is such a horrible illness, but fortunately one that can be treated. You have suffered a tremendous amount of loss in your life and I'm sorry for that. I have you on my daily prayer list and will keep you committed to prayer on a daily basis. Please feel free to email me anytime at Jhenry227@cfl.rr.com. love and hugs, juliahMichelle, always remember you are not alone. I'm glad you are still here with us. Has anybody heard from Michelle?Hi Michelle, remember we are all here waiting to listen and help at anytime, never feel alone, hugs and prayers, Janie.
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