I would like to state that when I was at my worse, bed ridden and in constant pain and no even able to do things without the help of my hubby. I would lay in bed and pray to die. I would tell my hubby that I wished I would die and he would get upset with me. But it was true. If I was able to open a bottle of pills or anything else at that time I probably would have "offed" myself. It was that bad. I am not sure if I was depressed, but I probably was. I just know that the pain and not beening able to do things myself really made me feel like if I was no longer around, everyone would be happier and most of all I would be happier because I was no longer in constant agony.
Don't you just hate it when you cannot roll yourself over in bed and have to lay there crying and contemplating if you want to bother hubby again to help you roll over in bed, even though you know that you do not like laying on your left side, but the right side was hurting so bad that anything but the right side seemed good? Then when you finally do call hubby to help you roll over and then you get to the left side and you lay there crying more, because you had to have help to roll over and then you realize you would do better on your back maybe the pain will ease up off your hips & shoulders then... so you yell, crying for hubby to help you roll over on your back, not even 2 minutes ago he walked out the room and did not get seated down good?
It's been over a year since I had a flare that bad, but I remember the helpless feeling. My hubby and I were seperated at the time, and I remember wondering how I was going to dress myself and not have to endure the embarressment of having my teenage son help me with my underclothes. Wondering "is this my lot in life?" I know how you feel. But thankfully, I've responded very well to my treatment, and the flares are few and far between. And the only reason I had the last one is because I was out of town working Katrina disaster recovery, and had to go nearly 10 weeks before I could get back for my next treatment. I learned my lesson!!Hey excuse queen, this is exactly what we are talking about when we tell you to try AD's. They really DO help. I swear!
Oh yes! No matter what hubby or son did for me 2 minutes later I would need something else. I still have the left side/right side debate going on, lol.
Take care Joonie.
Glad you are doing so well, Melissa.
I hope you continue to do soo well.
I was just saying it is sooo easy to get depressed and thinking dying is best. At that point and time it did seem like a good option. Oh and I could not take AD's becaused I did not have insurance nor money to pay for meds. Good thing pred was only for a month supply and then I split them in half, so it turned into a 2 month supply.
Wow, Joonie. I do know that awful feeling of being completly dependant on others for even the most simple task. It's humiliating. How about being in the hospital and having to have the nurse cut my food. And then not even eating because their is no way I'm having someone feed me, and I couldn't move enough to feed myself. Or even worse, a bed pan. My limbs were so swollen and just messed up I not only couldn't support my weight, but to have someone try to get me up was unbearable pain. The kind that makes you scream. Yeah, I couldn't look anyone in the eye while I was in the hospital. I don't care if it's just another day for them. It wasn't for me.
Still, to "off myself". Nope. Could never do that to my kids, my husband, my mom...hurt them way more than I was hurting.
PS don't tell anyone about the bed pan. Very embarassing.Joonie, i think that if you talked to your inlaws or hell anyone for that matter they would help you out to get the meds you needed for that if it was indeed as bad as you are sayingWhat's AD?AD = Anti-depressant
Ok, well then I can kinda answer your question now off your other thread. I responded to Humira by the next day. The day I got my shot, I felt sick and very very tired. I went home went to sleep and woke up with less swelling less pain and able to move around a little better than I had been able to move around before. I done ok for 3-4 days and then I was reverting back. And then the whole next week before my next shot I was back at square one. When I went back to my RD the next month he had me do the once every other week for a month to see if it would build up and last, but it did not. So he put me on once a week and I done soooooooo much better. It was GREAT. I had energy felt like doing something and felt like I was able to do something and I did not have to depend on hubby so much, except for little things that just annoyed me and knew I could not do.
So... answer to your question is the very next day for me.
Ummm... no they would not because at that time they did not have but one income and they were already extending themselves by helping hubby to pay our bills.
Remember? Hubby got fired lost insurance, and good paying job and went to a no insurance .25 job.
They did pay for my MTX when I was RXed it and then when the GP took me off of it because I was getting worse, and RXed me pred they paid for that. I was in limbo. No insurance, no way to see an RD, because my GP done did all he was able to do. Everything else he talked with me about ONLY an RD could do for me.
So... I had to wait 6 months before I got to an RD. Because had to wait until I had insurance again. I was not going to have in-laws pay 0 for me to see an RD and get blood done. I would never ask them for that.
And yes shannon is was that BAD. You know me... I am afraid of needles so why the hell would I give into something I so deprately ran away from 3 years prior?
Speaking of needles, I'm going for two tomorrow. Pnu and flu. Don't want to do it. You'd think I'd be used to shots by now.I am still refusing to get those shots. I done the TB EWW needle needle! I am not going to do the others, not unless she holds me down and gives them to me herself, or if she refuses to treat me which ever comes firstAnd no you cannot go on medicaid until you are declared disabled. I have applied for Low income medicaid and they said hubby made too much, they said in order to get on it you have to have no income to 00 a year. Anything over the 00 a year you could not get on it.
Bro - Yeah I heard that about the mice cells. I think it is also the same way for Humira, too.
Joonie, even with two kids? I don't see how that's possible. Sorry but that sounds really really wrong.....ok yea that just sounds jacked up Joonie im sorry
< =text/>_popupControl(); Well...I am very sick right now. I am gonna be in a ton of trouble if Danny catches me online lol. Buuuuuuuuuuut I am still technically "resting" while I sit for as long the ole bones let me.
I am sick. Bottom line. More sick than I thought I was or really let on to anyone. I do have some crying bouts now and then. Just had one when I came home from the doc office. But I felt much better after that. One cause of depression is chemical imbalance in the brain. With all the pain we deal with...the chemical make up of the meds we have to take to try and treat RA...it would be a wonder if none of us DIDN'T have a chemical imbalance in the brain. Now let's add in our environmental factors. Home life...work life...our own feelings about ourselves...hmmm..is it any wonder that some people may need an AD? Is it any wonder that at times...people may have thoughts or attempts of suicide? It is a shame it has to be like this tho.
One of the big things I have realized over the past week is things about asking for help and what a being a burden means to me and my family. I am more of a burden and MORE of a stress to them if I DO NOT ASK FOR HELP. I make my health situation WORSE if I do not ask for help. I get the "evil eye" from Danny (very scary btw) if I do not do as I am told. I have to be willing to bite the bullet...swallow thine pride...and just accept what is. And then sit and figure out how can I use this to the best of my ability. What good can come out of this to improve not only my lifestyle...but my family's lifestyle. This process DID NOT COME OVERNIGHT for me. Fortunately Danny and I pretty creative people and somehow thru a lot of trial and error...come out with a good balance for our family.
Yeah it sucks I can't cut my meat...yeah it sucks I can't open things...yeah it sucks my house isn't as clean as I would like it to be...yeah it sucks I am missing Danielles choir concert Thursday...but this is what life has handed me right now and I have to learn to deal.
Joonie tell your doctor to take a more agressive approach at your pain that is not thought to be RA. The fibro part. And see a neuroligist. Get mri of your spine if you have not done so yet. As I am not trying to ignore you i am in bad shape myself. As my joint on the top of my c spine is swollen today. Treat your pain if you can't handle it. I love you so much. You will feel better I promise. I am also coming off a high dose of pred. I had an anger fit and injured my thumb slamming a kitchen drawer. It was pred rage. I should be fine in a day or so. I just have to build my pain pills back up. As i am going from 20mg to 10mg of pred. And i will stay there for a month. I believe you are having an RA flare. I want you to post me your pains and symtems of both RA and fibro. And how they start where they are. How long you have had this and we can start from there. I cried today. The fever and pain and i had to work. and i had to catch up on work from two weeks ago as i had been a sleep. And my body wouldn't give me the time i needed. I almost never take pain meds, honestly but i am in a flare and i have to. It is more than i can take. And when i stop hurting i will stop taking them. Get pain management tell the doctor you can not handle this. Just when you are well enough give me all your info on your dx. And i am here just hurting also. We will get you out of bed. I am just not being treated for my RA yet i will get meds in a day or two and will help all i can. You are young and ill and i am sorry.
Joonie - your story is inspiring. I suspect there is alot of laughter in your house, once those bad experiences go away for awhile. My hubby hasn't realized how bad I could suddenly get if this kicks into gear. I am lucky, just plain lucky, so far. Take care ~~ Cathy
Joonie...Honey...Yep, at that time you were depressed. Anytime you will give up your life...you are depressed and overwhelmed. Please if you get that way again, get help...even from a pill. Get help...we need you, and your crazy antics to keep us sane.
I am so sorry that sounds like a really dark and scary place without money coming in that would keep the household and your disease running amuck!. I am so sorry. I think Lizzie has the corner on the market for wisdom and we all have to go through stages.
Just know that we love you.
I have been swelling on top of my C spine since i was 30 I believe anyway that is when i remember this joint getting the better of me. As this area controls so many other parts of your body. I have gotten shots around it and in my spine even. I don't think they ever injected this particular disk as it has a node in it. I have worked threw active flares with no more help than pain cream in the past. But i have also missed work and had to change jobs because of it. I only mention it because it put me in a mager deppression at thirty. I couldn't do the things i needed to do. Work make money feed my kids. And i was basically not getting any help from doctors about at that time. NSAID and an injection shot in the muscle around it. It was called a work injury at the time. Then they decided to add plus birth defect. I always told the orthos million dollar prize to who ever fixes this thing. I have pretty well been in bed and am clearly having an RA flare. I havn't done any major work more than doing some laundry. So 14 years later i can say this is RA. The pain and disability was deppressing. If your doctors are offering you any help then take it. If they are not helping then tell them they must. Today was the first time i tried to work in a couple of weeks. So i guess i put myself under to much pressure. Injured my thumb, didn't rest. Cryed, that felt good. I shut off the phone I took a vicoden, The first one i took all week 8 days actually as i was on a high dose pred and that helped with the pain not because i am superwoman or anything. And the tylonol brought my fever down also. And i took my pred also and i took a nap. And i am stiff everywhere and tired and going to take a muscle relaxer later and get some rest. I am mentally, emotionally and physically exhuasted. I am sick. But i will be better. And i will kick butt when i feel better. I will be superwoman on that day. Get some rest Joonie and feel better.Well, my kids got on medicaid, but I could not. That is why I gave in and applied for disabilty. That is what the medicaid lady told me. She said the only way I could get medicaid. I could get the Plan First, which is birth control, and I was approved for that, but what help is that for the ole RA?
I thought it was wrong too, but that is the only way in the state of Alabama to get state health care to be declared disabled.
APPLYING FOR MEDICAID
Eligibility for Medicaid in Alabama is currently determined by four agencies. The agencies and the
groups they certify are:
The Social Security Administration (SSA)
•
Aged, blind or disabled individuals through Supplemental Security Income (SSI) programThe Alabama Department of Human Resources
•
Foster Children•
Children who receive State or Federal Adoption AssistanceCatholic Social Services
•
Refugees through Refugee Resettlement ProgramThe Alabama Medicaid Agency
•
Elderly & Disabled Programs•
Individuals eligible for Medicaid for Low Income Families (MLIF)•
Pregnant women, and children under age 19 (SOBRA) program•
Plan First (Family Planning) Program•
Breast and Cervical Cancer Program•
Emergency Services for AliensHere is a link to a PDF file of qualifications for medicaid and all the info I really did not remember. http://www.medicaid.alabama.gov/documents/apply/2A-General/2 A-1_Eligibility_Summary-11-05_LS.pdf
OMG I totally thought that said MILFYes, that really did not count as us. I gave you the PDF file to look at it is only 2 pages long. It explains the eligibility for all the health care the state of alabama has to offer.
A lot of people have the same idea as most of us, that the state of alabama would take care of their sick and poor. But they only take care of you if you have NO income what so ever. If you make any kinda money or have above certain $ amount of assests you are not eligiable for their help.
< =text/>_popupControl(); Katie...many times in many states it is the KIDS that the state will pick up the cost of health care etc. on and not the adults or parents. They figure disability issues in adults should be handled by well..SSDI or SSI etc. They also figure if you do not have a disability that you can go out there and work no matter how many jobs it takes to support yourself or your family.
It differs from state but from things I have read here...people I have known...and reading things on other boards..this is the norm especially for the more southern states and border states.
I didn't say it was right or that it doesn't suck. Just the way it is.
Yep, you got that right, Liz.
The do take care of you if you are pregnant, but you only can be treated by a doctor that delivers babies. My GP at the time when I was preggo with daughter was a family dr & a gyno, so I lucked out.
Wow some of you have been in such horrible horrible pain. I can't imagine. Hell here I sit whinning over a damn cold. For some reason a simple cold really knocks me on my a$$. Have to go for x-rays today.
That is just so horrible about the medicade in AL. I know of three states that also have guide lines but they are not ,000 a year. That is below low income. No one can live like that. That is almost saying well we will help you if you are homeless. How sad. Or at least to me that's how I see it.
ok im sorry but the state of alabama is jacked up< =text/>_popupControl(); Colds knock everyone on their butts lol.
The government programs are supposed to be there for us in a time of need. Somehow...doesn't always turn out that they are. Funding does suck for many many states too. So...they have to make these outrageous and ridiculous guidelines.
It is waaaaaaaaaay different where I live (WI). Our per capita income is higher than most states since our state is really very blue collar industrial and we have the unions with the high wages for industrial/factory workers. What Danny came make here differs by about -3 higher than what he can make in IL (Flatland! that was for Jazzie lol). The social programs we have here have very reasonable income levels that they use for you to qualify for. And programs...whew...are there programs.
OMG dont even get me started on IL public aid......I could go on and on. On top of the program being stupid, the people in the public aid dept are stupid as well. LOL There is one program for pregnant mothers that REALLY ticked me off. It said that you dont have to be a LEGAL RESIDENT and you could get on that program. Yes I understand that pregnant mothers NEED to be seen by a dr but in my opinoin you should help residents of your state first before you go helping others. I may be way off but it makes sense. How can anyone look at the US and "want" to model their government after us when we cant even take care of our OWN citizens.