which is worse? | Arthritis Information

 

I am a 16-year-old with rheumatod arthritis (duh) and I am having a bit
of an argument with a friend. She has Crohn's disease, and she seems to
compete for attention and sympathy a lot. So our question is, which is the
more serious condition? Crohn's or RA? Which is potentially more life-
threatening, and which is more debilitating/serious during a flare?

thanks to anyone who answers. She is driving me crazy and we need to
settle our score. I think her Crohn's is worse, but I want to know for sure.
What do you think?

I would say they are both pretty well even. I have a friend with Crohn's and she is sick alot. I would call a truce.

 

Hi rhov, welcome!

Since RA and Crohn's can both be potentially life threatening, and since pain and suffering are subjective, I think it would be hard for anyone to tell you which disease is worse.

If you'll hang on a bit though, one of our member's (Katie aka arriscolwell) will probably respond, and might be able to share some of her life experiences with these two diseases, as she has JRA and her boyfriend has Crohn's.

Well.......................


Every disease on earth is going to be specific to the person it's attacking. There are also varying severities of diseases. Some people have mild RA, some have severe. Some have mild Chrons, etc etc.

Let's say you both have moderate diseases. While you face the possibility of wheelchairs and assistive(sp) devices.....so does she. She faces long battles with her digestive system, struggling to keep nutrients in her body, and away from a colostomy bag. You face long battles with the function of your hands, and legs, feet and arms, and struggle to stay walking on your feet.

It's not that anyone has anything any WORSE than the other. While you both have CRAP diseases (really no other way to put it) You're walking parallel roads, each battling your own demons.


You will never be able to imagine how terrible it feels for her when her intestines double over on themselves, and coil up, crunching and squeezing. You will never understand the subconscious embarrassment she may hold over the idea that she might have an accident somewhere in public. You will never understand her frustration over not being able to eat foods that she loves and craves, without suffering for it later.


She will never be able to imagine how terrible it feels when your hands fold over and cramp, swelling to 5 times their normal size, throbbing and aching. She will never understand the subconscious embarrassment you may hold, over the idea that some days you can't even tie your own shoes, or pull on your own pants. She will never understand your frustration over not being able to keep up, or go as fast, or lift as much, or do the tiniest of tasks that you were able to do just yesterday.


But you BOTH understand what it's like to be different than the rest of the kids. You both understand how cast out you can feel. You both understand what it's like to be asked "so, how are you today?" You both understand what it's like to miss out on your favorite activities and events.

In short, the only one of you who "has it worse" is the one who can't see past the common ground. The one who lets their disease define them. You may tell her I said so, if you'd like. :)

Katie, I am so proud of you

Gale was right on, saying that you'd be able to give her a great answer. I would have just said that each person's pain and anguish is important to them. I wouldn't dream of comparing my pain to anyone elses. Everyone's pain is important and deserves to be dealt with, each as much of a trial as the other.

Katie, you gave her a great answer, as one young person in pain, to another. And you also gave her an excellent description of what Justin deals with everyday. That is something most of us just don't have the experience to do.

Rhov, It sounds like you and your friend can be each other's biggest supporter and best friend. You have the experience, at a young age, to understand the suffering of others. My prayers are with you both.

Be well.

Hugs, Nini

 

Katie put it very well, you should probably print it off and give it to your friend, although it's an odd competition for a friend to have with another friend. I've been an insulin dependant diabetic since I was 12, and Katie's right about not letting your disease define who you are. And in my opinion you're both wasting time trying to settle the score or one up your chronic disease. Who would want to be the winner of that contest.

< =text/>_popupControl(); Rhov....listen to what Katie said.  As Nini suggested, print off what she wrote and give it to your friend to read and then both of you talk about it together.  Katie is an excellent person for you to talk to about this.  She has had RA since she was a baby and her b/f has Crohn's.  I have a 12 year old daughter with JRA and Katie has been an excellent support person for her and for me.

Oh yes and btw....welcome to the board.  I am always on the lookout for teens to talk to that have JRA so I can help my daughter cope with hers so hope you will be sticking around and we will hear more from you!

Hi Rhov,

Nice to see some new youngin's round here!  I hope you'll be an active member!

Katie you gave a great response, but you forgot one thing.  It doesn't matter what the disease is, if the patient is male, they are sicker.  It is a simple fact of life; testosterone makes everything worse, LOL.  I learned that early in my marriage when my hubby and I both had the same flu bug.  He told me I wasn't as sick as he was, so I could take care of him

Anyway, I would agree with everything people have said to you, but do want to add that even getting into a discussion of who is sicker is the wrong way to approach life.  But everyone does it at one time or another, and it's not a healthy thing to do.  You both need to stop looking at things that way.

First off, competing for sympathy as your friend is doing means that she is feeling very sorry for herself and is "looking for love in all the wrong places" (Sorry that's an old-timer's song reference!). 

Sympathy is not love, but sometimes people need to have others feel sorry for them, just so they can feel they are cared for.  It's just not a good way to go through life.  I would much rather have people admire my accomplishments, in spite of any hardships, than pity me for my troubles!

Secondly, true friends would never compete in that way.  They would be concerned about each other's feelings and health, and would never feel the need to quantify who is sicker!  And no matter how sick you are, or how difficult your life is, if you look at others you'll always find someone else who is suffering more - or less.  But what's the point?  We should all just be there for each other, no matter where we fall on the "pity scale".

well said katie. 

Both give me problems every day and it bounces back and forth between them depending which is worse, and my experience could be completly different then someone elses.

Both are NOT fun, both can be dibilitating, etc etc

That's what Rabbi Harold S. Kushner would call the Suffering Olympics.Oh, I like that very much, Gimpy!  Thanks, I must remember that!Nicely put Katie and Hillhoney.

As a JRA and now RA sufferer, I try not to let people know.  Not that I want to hide having a disease, but I notice a change in how people treat me.  I do not want to be treated as a "handicapped" person.  I would rather suffer in silence than to let others around me know my pains.  I've learned that we can all complain but it isn't gonna matter or make a difference so why complain??
....and the more you complain the worse you feel.....

Well I'm not saying folks should never complain.  We all need to complain sometimes.  Sometimes we just need to vent all the stuff that's weighing us down, and that's what nice about a board like this, you can vent to people who truly do understand.

I just don't think it is wise of people to want to be identified by their misery.  If you start to define yourself by your suffering, you lose your perspective.  You lose your gratitude for the wonderful gift of life. 

Trying to achieve a title of the "sickest" is a decision to give up on life and it's joys.  And when you give up, you stop trying to reach for the things that would make you feel happier and healthier.  It's a very common and very sad cycle.

thanks so much for your answers everyone! she was diagnosed with
"severe" Crohn's and doesn't let anyone forget it. I love her to death, but
she does have her imperfections. such as driving me absolutely crazy
talking about medications and how she's feeling. Just not stuff anyone
wants to know. She gets arthritis too, but it's caused by a flare of Crohn's.
How similar or different is that from RA? Pain level and/or severity?

And since I have RA (pretty newly diagnosed) how long does it take for it
to go into remission, and will I always be in pain or does it come and go?
How likely am I to suffer permanently? I will still be able to do everything
everyone else can, won't I? And if not, how long do I have before I notice
"disabilities"?As far as the arthritis/chrons thing.....eeehhh it's not REALLY arthritis. Since chrons is an inflammatory disease, nothing is forcing it to stay in the intestines. The same as nothing is forcing RA to stay in your joints. It just does for whatever scientific reason. However, for some people with Chron's they find it common to have swelling in their feet and hands. It's not necessarily like the swelling you and I get. It's not located in the joint, it's just all over in the hands and feet. I'm unclear if it's water swelling, or actual inflammation, you might want to look that one up. Again, the severity is going to differ from person to person. But from my experience, the Chrons swelling of hands and feet is nothing like RA. RA would be much worse.

The time it takes to hit remission is, again, going to vary from person to person. The goal is to get on medications that will calm the disease,and kick you into remission. So if you can find a good med that you respond well to, your chances of remission are much higher.

How likely are you to suffer permanently? That depends on your response to medications, again. I wish there was a better answer for that, but there just isn't.

You will most likely be able to do everything anyone else can do. Most of the time. With all disease there come limits, the hard part is learning how to deal with those limits, and not letting them control you. You will start to learn what you can and can't do, and how to adapt to situations so that you can keep doing things you love. We have all learned how to adapt!
Hey. I have JRA and my best friend has crohns. We compete too. she is often talking about how much serius crohns is then JRA. i dont know what to tell you except that what everyone said is great. I try not to get into it with her, i have my own stomach issues they are just not dx, but i can sympathize a little and am sure that any belly problems i have she probably has worse, at the same time, she is ussually ok but flairs and then isnt. so she is suprised when she doesnt feel well therefore complains about it more. in my case my joints always hurt its just a matter of how much so im used to it. Both noth fun, but not really comparable except that we both take prednisone :) i know i'll always have some pain in my joints. I'm not completely in
remission yet, but getting much better. how much pain will i have from
day to day? i know it varies, but will it be kind of a dull ache at the most?Hehe again, it varies. Sometimes I go weeks with an annoying dull pain everywhere. Other times I don't have anything. And still other times I can walk around for ages with annoying sharp painful stabbing....everyone is just so different! It's really hard to say.
Copyright ArthritisInsight.com