Ok here is the problem:
Mother had a knee replacement done in May, other than her pottasium being too high, she also had to have a second surgery because her tibia borke.
Today when she went in for a recheck and to schedule her left knee replacement the Ortho Dr. mentioned that never in his 20 years of being a surgeon did he have this happen to him. I felt awful, my heart sank...why???? because mother's tibia broke because she was throwing a childish menatally ill tantrum and because my sis and I were not waiting hand and foot on her enough she did the unthinkable and pretended to fall or lose her balance then she really did........
My question: I just feel awful for this guy and want so very much to let him know that it was not him...that it was my mother's mental illness and stubborn bitchy ways that caused the broken tibia....should I write him a note? Make an appt. with him???what should I do? I just cannot sit back and have him think that it was in any way or form the way he did surgery, or anyhting to do with his expertise.
This is just killing me folks!
Jode
if its bothering you so much write him a letter explaining how your Mom broke her leg
Ok bu tif I write a letter, won't that go into her medical file and be shown to the insurance companies which in turn may not pay for her surgery? He rinsurance costs right at about 0.00 a month. SHould I risk that due to mental illness for her to be covered?
Would it be better for me to talk to him in person adn ask him not to mention it in her file so her surgeries will be covered?
Honestly, I do not know but truly believe this should be addressed.
Jode
Maybe you could call his office and ask him to call you back at his convenience. That way you won't have to pay for an office visit, there won't be anything to stick in the file, and he will know the truht. But I wonder if he'd just write your talk in the files anyway, just to clear himself of any wrong doing. He might be worried about a malpractice suit.
I should hope he wouldnot be worried about malpractice, the man is a genius, truly. And to top that off he is a wonderful human being.
We would never ever file a lawsuit because my sis and I know exactly what happened and we also notified our brother about it. Just mental illness and her wanting more attention...........I told her today....(cause she said that I spoke out of turn and was not appropriate in the Dr. office today, and subsequently argued the entire way home) Anyway, I had to tell he rthat she does not get to decide what I say in public or in a Dr. office, that she cannot and will not dictate to me my thoughts nor my conversation.........she is totally offbeat and is totally mental and as soon as I can make my own way we will have her committed or in a nursing home but till I can support myself ( and my brother and sister agree upon this)she will have to remain in the home and I have to put up with this crap.
I was thinking just to make an appt. for a consult for about 15 min is all it should take to notify him and let him have a "leg up".
jode
Is it no wonder that in my father's late years he had an affair...after his accident, he used to complan about this exact thing but neglected to tell any of we three kids that our mother was mentally ill, I guess perhaps he had no idea but knew he could not withstand her constand detrimental behavior and putting others down CONSTANTLY.
Oh well.
jode
Geez "MALPRACTICE?" noway...this man is wonderful....I want to take him home!!!!!!! And I mean, I really want to take this guy home with me!
I just feel so badly that he thinks that any of this was caused by him. It was her, all her........
Jode
Jode - does this doctor know anything at all that she has mental issues? If not, I vote to have him call you at his convenience and relieve his mind and yours. Don't give a hint to any one on his staff what it's about, except you need to talk to him about your mother when he has a free moment. Tell him its off the record and he doesn't strike me as if he will then write it up in the notes and cause problems. He will probably be so relieved, that he will go on to being even a better doctor. I admire the fact you are thinking about contacting him. Good luck.""I vote to have him call you at his convenience and relieve his mind and yours. Don't give a hint to any one on his staff what it's about, except you need to talk to him about your mother when he has a free moment. Tell him its off the record and he doesn't strike me as if he will then write it up in the notes and cause problems. ""
Now that sounds like a good plan...thankyou. It is not that she is constantly in that state, but she does have her moments...thus having someone sorta keep an eye on her and that someone is me...She does have her issues and he am pretty sure he knows of some of the issues and can see by her meds that she has some mental problems. You are correct in that I DO NOT WANT his staff knowing about this at all if possible. HE is such a kind and thoughtful surgeon and excellant at what he does and let me tell you, not all Dr.'s/surgeons are that "human" and considerate, as we all know.
Her outbursts and manipulating situations and people do happen around here and they are tough to get through that is certain, but it is also a part of her mental illness. Someday my life will not be filled with all this turmoil! ( Another reason why I sometimes sneak off and go to my daughter's apartment!) *wink*
Thank you!
jode
What a night, after going over all this my siblings and I have come to the conclusion ( as my sis and I had earlier in the summer)that the tibia must have been cracked shortly after her initial surgery when the rehab was so diligent. Fast forward to the "bad nursing home" where the PT was even more aggressive and more of it.
WHen she did her fit after we brought her home after being in a Nursing home and catered to, she probably made it worse. Then when she lost her balance and caught herself surgery knee ( with the walker in front of her) it was enough to really crack it.I was standing there and heard it and thought her leg looked funny.
Because her tibia was not straight when we brought her home from the initial nursing home and even the Nurse aids had to constantly straighten her lower leg out when she would lay down, that is our indicator that one thing built on another until the bone could take no more.
Geesh, I am so sorry for going on and on about this but I cannot sit still and allow the surgeon to think it was his work that caused the problem. Plus by nature I am honest and I really hate dishonesty
Anyway, her bones may not be in the greatest shape but since her second surgery she has done so well and is more cautious with her knee....still babying it quite a bit and that is fine with us. Probably the biggest difference is that her OT and PT were to be limited after the second surgery which helped immensly, it was not the..."ok.....make that knee go back and then pull it forward""....2 days after surgery which works well for some but not for her.
I was not always in her room in the hospital when the surgeon would make his rounds and I would certainly hope she would not have indicated to him in any form or fashion that it was his fault.
I worry too much, but to me, worry wort and all, it still bothers me. You would not believe the money we have wrapped in this and what it is doing to her finances........but for a more pleasant life it is worth it and she really doesn;t do anything else so relieving her of pain is priority. Plus, her right knee was in really bad shape and we are more than certain her left knee is.
After all this I think I am going to run away! (lol) ooops, can't no money...but I can still dream!
Thanks for letting me vent, these past few months have been immensly difficult for me to cope with. It is crucial that I have the time line correct and all the facts straight so that I am accurate. I want to be well prepared when I call the ortho so I am not wasting his time.I hope he doesn;t think I am a fool. I am hoping mother didn;t state something awful to him while in the hospital. I am so weary of picking up the mess and problems she leaves behind her.
Again thankyou...and I will have to find out somehow if my mother blamed him to his face when I wasn't there, for him to mention it again sort of makes me wonder.
jode
Hi Jodie,All her medical and mental documentations are known by the Dr. We have always been very upfront withthat and maybe that is why he takes such good care of her. She sees a Psychiatrist several times a year and is monitored closely concerning her medications. My sister is medical power of attorney and all that because she is the eldest and my brother is the youngest yet is VP for an insurance company, he travels and also his son has cancer so he has his hands full right now.
Perhaps the ortho already realizes the potential of her mental disease and he is brilliant so I am sure he has probably already figured out what the prob was....maybe I am just a worry wort and should let it go.
jode