Wow, the press has latched on to this with iron hands. A middle school in Portland, ME is or will be handing out birth control meds to 11 year old girls along with condoms. Some 11 year old girls have not even started their period yet for goodness sake.
What is your opinion on this?
I think its an appalling statement on society. Kids really don't need any more help to get sexually active earlier than necessary.I think it is terrible. Sex ed is one thing, but this is rediculous. Further more, how can they just hand it out. In order for me to get it, a 24 year old woman, I have to spend 300 dollars to go to the gyno. Don't they need a check up to make sure they are ok to take it?!
Take ant extra spaces out and try again if the link doesn't work.
Pip
< =text/>_popupControl();ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? And yes, I meant to yell. Alrighty then...let's just promote SEX to kids that most of them have not even had their periods yet!!! This is insane!!!! I tell ya...if anyone had given my 11 year old daughter a condom or BC of any kind I would have someone's head on a platter. This is just insane!! 11 years old!!!
We do talk about sex to the girls. But we keep it age appropriate and very honest. I understand that not all parents feel the way we do about talking with their kids about sex and they do have to learn somewhere and why not health class in school. But to hand an 11 year old girl condoms and BC without any proper education about it is just plain out wrong. Yes, we do tell our girls we would rather them wait to have sex not for our sakes...but for theirs. But we know the reality of being a teen. I really feel kids should go to their parents, a trusted adult friend, or school counselor for this kind of stuff. Not just hand them condoms at such a young age and say here ya go and that is it.
I really feel that parents should pull themselves up by the pants strings and talk with your kids about sex instead of it coming to what I feel is completely inappropriate behavior by the schools.
I understand that the best interest of the kids here is trying to be achieved by handing out condoms. But wow they really picked the wrong age to do this.
I view that just handing out the condoms and BC like this without the proper education is tantamount to giving these kids a license to have very irresponsible sex that could really mess up their lives in the future both physically and emotionally.
This is totally absurd! Totally agree with Liz, I'd have someones head on a platter
Umm, excuse me, but unless I missed something in the press, they are not just "handing out" BCP and condoms to 11 yr olds. If the parents have given permission for the students of the middle school to use the medical center, and the student (ages 11-13) requests them, then they can get BC. I think this is the right thing to do. I do not believe they are encouraging 11 yr olds to have sex. They are trying to make sure that those who are already having sex aren't getting pregnant, like the 17 girls (maybe just 0.5%, but 51 lives changed forever-mom, dad and baby) in their middle schools who were pregnant in the last 4 years.
Now I'm not sure a young girl will remember to take the pill properly, but I'm willing to take that chance to avoid worse problems. And how many girls do you think are going to make an appt and ask for BCP if they weren't already planning to have sex?
Anyone who thinks that their 11-to-13-yr-old hasn't even considered it is either the rare exception or hiding their heads in the sand.
I'm with 65....my kids would be out of that school. In a hearbeat.< =text/>_popupControl(); I can not afford private school. I don't even come close. In WI they want to start a voucher program for private school but we wouldn't qualify for that either.
I agree that this is for those kids that do not have the education they need provided to them at home. What I do not agree with is the AGE at which they are doing this and WITHOUT parental knowledge and consent. Having parental knowledge and consent could be a very good thing to have. It could open up the door for a dialouge with your children that you may not have been comfy starting with them or they were not comfy starting with you. It could literally save their lives!!
My rights as a parent are taken away from me and my child if something is done without parental consent and knowledge. It is my childs right to know that I am informed of their activities so that I can protect and educate them to the best of my ability. It is my right to know what is going on in my childs life away from home so that I can protect and educate them to the best of my ability. If your child is afraid to come to you regarding important matters such as birth control...sex...abortion...drugs...etc. and feels the need to go behind your back then maybe a rexamination of the relationship between parent/child is necessary.
Like I said before....deep down...they do have the best interests of the children at heart and this is something for those kids that don't get the proper education about sex etc. at home. It is just the age of the kids and doing it without parental consent and knowledge that I have a big problem with. I know that they do it this way because the kids would be like...mom and dad are just gonna kill me if they found out....etc. and not requiring consent and knowledge may save lives but on the other hand...it is a parents right to know and it is the parents right to educate their children about this in the manner they see fit for their family. It is just one of those stuck between a rock and a hard place situations.
InnerGlow...I am not hiding my head in the sand at all when it comes to my kids. I do have a 12 year old girl who really has not considered having sex yet. Oh don't get me wrong...I KNOW she has THOUGHT about hmmm...wonder what it is like etc. However, she has no desire to give herself to someone else like that yet. The nice thing about Danny working 2nd shift...he isn't around in the evenings with me and the girls and I have ample time to talk with the girls when the situation arises. My family is the exception rather than rule in society these days. I do have an almost 16 year old girl who when she does find herself a steady boyfriend will be whisked away to the doc office for birth control and she will be having yet again talks about sex...emotions...and relationships. This momma has lived the reality of life and parents that hide their heads in the sand and I will not do that with my children.
***edit because me and InnerGlow hit post reply at the same time and I wanted to post an answer to her lol*****
Let me add my 2 cents as well. As the mother of a 12 yo girl.
My first reaction to this was...Where the h*** are the parents that are supposed to be raising these kids? Why is the school system having to get involved in sexuality of anyone, especially children? My next thought was, the parents are either ignoring their responsibility or incapable of handling it. If someone isn't helping these at-risk kids, then we will end up with another generation of children destined to repeat the cycle.
The school system should not have to be the ones that teach a child everything. Education does not start and stop with the school bell. I do not believe that anyone entered into this decision lightly or without consideration.
I am very fortunate with my children (17yo girl, 15yo boy, 12 yo girl) in that they feel comfortable asking me or talking to me about anything, including sexuality. I have always answered their questions honestly. I don't always have massive details involved, sometimes it just isn't appropriate. But my guiding thought has been...when I was a teenager, my biggest worry if I had sex was that I might get pregnant, if my children have sex (and they don't know how to protect themselves or they have 'bad information') they have to worry about death. But my 17yo tells me that not all of her friends can talk to their parents like she can. So they have to have access to all the information that will help them make good decisions.
My hope is that the school system is providing them with not just BC options, but counseling about the physical/emotional/social consequences of having sex.
Okay, I am off my soap box now.
Andrea
I've always taught my kids that sex is a good thing that is reserved for marriage. We aren't hush hush about it, it isn't a dirty word, but that it's a special thing for a husband and wife.
If my daughter chooses to ignore that and begin a sexual relationship, she will have to endure the natural consequences that go along with it. I will not help her avoid them. I deeply resent the idea of the school system coming in and undermining and interfering in my family in this manner. And to do that without my knowledge??? Nope. I'd be home schooling if I were in that scholl district.
Its ludicrus to be handing out medications with side effects to children without adequate knowledge of their and their families medical history and without parental notification. BCP are not asprin with a short half life..they have side effects...some of which can be serious. They can be dangerous in females with a family history of blood clots and estrogen based cancers.
I'm all for preventing children from having children but handing out birth control pills to 11 year olds is not the way to go about it.
I know that the parents on here are caring and devoted but as hard as it is to imagne, there are parents out there that just put their kids on " auto pilot" and have no clue as to what they are up to. These parents are unable to control their own lives let alone their childrens. If you go to the maturnity wards in the bigger cities you will find that it is not uncommon to see a 12-14 yr old giving birth. Not all children are fortunate enough to have caring parents who talk to them.
So when you have these children who have nobody to talk to them, someone has to step up to the plate. Sometimes you have to think beyond the initial picture. We live in a society who's morals and values have deteriorated over the years. I know, it's sad.
[QUOTE=RANana]I know that the parents on here are caring and devoted but as hard as it is to imagne, there are parents out there that just put their kids on " auto pilot" and have no clue as to what they are up to. These parents are unable to control their own lives let alone their childrens. If you go to the maturnity wards in the bigger cities you will find that it is not uncommon to see a 12-14 yr old giving birth. Not all children are fortunate enough to have caring parents who talk to them.
So when you have these children who have nobody to talk to them, someone has to step up to the plate. Sometimes you have to think beyond the initial picture. We live in a society who's morals and values have deteriorated over the years. I know, it's sad.
[/QUOTE]Maybe I'm old fashioned but BC and condoms to everyday 11year olds is just not right. I worked years ago at a school for disadvantaged children. There were a lot of children who came from broken homes and homes with parents who drank, some of these kids were sexually active because they saw this as love because they didnt get any hugs, kisses and normal family physical contact and in this instance BC may have been advisable. Everyday 11 year olds having sexual relationships shouldnt happen and giving out BC to them can only act as permission to go ahead and do it.
I am very open with my kids with regards to sex, I give my opinions and they share theirs , my 19 year old refuses to get sexually involved until she is in a serious relationship which she has never had yet. She has had boyfriends but its been the odd one here and there . She has seen a lot of her friends at her age on their own with little ones and realises its forever and its hard work. I have a son who is 16 and he knows about protection and BC but it he knows its not a permisson slip to have sex. I have a13 year old who was still playing with her barbies at 11. Childhood goes so fast and is so precious.
My children attend a private school. We live in an economically depressed town; many of the children at our school come from poor families and are on scholarship. It is a pre-K through 8th grade school. I do not know of one single incidence of pregnancy occurring in any of the students in the past 20+ years. That's not to say it hasn't happened... but it certainly is not commonplace. The school does offer sex education, including AIDS and other STD's, but the parents have to OPT IN. It is not forced. And they don't hand out condoms or birth control pills.
It is appalling! I would remove my children from the school system asap...actually I would remove them from the area. All peole will know that within that community all the girls are on BC...that spells trouble don't ya think?..... I mean comon, when the pedophiles get a whif of this these children ....YES CHILDREN are in more danger than ever! Iwould remove either gender of a child going to that school or in that community.
It is wrong, flat out wrong and it is just an example how out of control society has gotten.
Isn't all this supposed to be a part of the parenting responsibility????
Jode
For all those worried about their parental rights, it is very simple...the parents must give permission for their children to use the medical center. If they don't, then their children do not have access to the BC, the end. (Unless I've misunderstood their policy...and please correct me if I have.) [QUOTE=InnerGlow]For all those worried about their parental rights, it is very simple...the parents must give permission for their children to use the medical center. If they don't, then their children do not have access to the BC, the end. (Unless I've misunderstood their policy...and please correct me if I have.)[/QUOTE]
Jasmine, you make a good point. However, I still feel that the potential benefits outweigh the potential drawbacks.
And just to clarify my language from before, when I said consider having sex, what I intended to say was really just to think about the possibility. Middle schoolers are sexual creatures, whether they act on it or not. That was true years ago (my father lost his virginity at the age of 13...back in the 1930's) and it's even more true now.
BTW, I'm curious how many are upset by the idea that it is a prescription drug, rather than just providing condoms.
I find this unbelievable. The school should not be involved in this in any wayOk...so this topic has been on my brain all morning so I figured it was time to give yall my 2 cents. There is NO way that I would allow my daughter to go to a school where that was taking place. It is MY choice a parent when the "sex talk" will take place, when bc should be given, etc. Unless they are sexually active, which in middle school it is rare they should not be given BC espically by the school. The school does not see the kids like a dr would. Being on BC needs to be monitered by a DR and ONLY and DR. If parents were more intune to what their children were doing and had a more open relationship w/ their kids we might not be having pre-teens having sex and getting pregnant. My aunt was working at NYU while getting her PHD and there was a 9 year old that was pregnant....she did work w/ kids from the inner city so im not sure the difference in kid having sex at that age that are in the inner city compared to the burbs. I hate to sound discriminatory but im sure there is a difference. The parents need to be the ones that talk to their kids to see if they need BC or not. The school needs to be more focused on teaching these kids...That is their jobs! If they want to play Dr. they should have become a Dr, now a teacher. There are alot of different reasons why people, teenagers or adults do not go on BC. There may be religious resons, health reasons. If kids at that age think that sex is appropriate they need to learn other ways of showing their affection. Having sex is not the ony way to do that. In all honesty I do regret losing my virginity at the age that I did. Granted it was not my choice but looking back at the relationship, I shouldnt have been in it to begin w/
InnerGlow~You mentioned that your grandfather lost his virginity at 13, in that generation that was accecptable. It was also acceptable to get married at 16. So whats next? Changing the age where they can legaly marry down to 16?
See the article below (albeit based on data from a few years ago) which says 20% of teenagers are sexually active before the age of 15 (they concentrated on the 12-14 yr olds). It also says only a third of the parents of sexually experienced 14-year-olds knew about it. Do you really think they're all in the inner city?
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9C03E0D7133EF 933A15756C0A9659C8B63
[QUOTE=kelsaysmommy]InnerGlow~You mentioned that your grandfather lost his virginity at 13, in that generation that was accecptable. It was also acceptable to get married at 16. So whats next? Changing the age where they can legaly marry down to 16? [/QUOTE]
Actually that was my father, not my grandfather, and according to him, it was not acceptable for 16-year-olds to marry (even if it was legal). And 16-year-olds still get married today...I know more than one personally.
I never said that it was all innercity. What I said was that I wonder what the difference is between that age group in the inner city and the burbs.I know you didn't say it was all inner city...guess the meds are getting to my attitude today. But you did say it was rare, and 1 in 5 doesn't sound rare to me, nor does 1 in 6, nor 1 in 7.Well it is my turn on the soapbox. If you had seen the article on tv it stated that several of the girls were sexually active before the age of 9!!!!!! I am sorry but if you have a child who is sexually active unless you plan on locking them in their room or making them wear a chasity belt or unless you plan on gluing your child's legs together, they are going to continue. We can carry on saying I wouldn't let my child go to that school, or my child wouldn't be sexually active at this age, it happens no matter what people say. We can preach absitnance, we can tell our children don't do this util you get married, etc. This is the real world folks it happens, and I am sorry but if they are going to be sexually active then they should be on bc until they are adult enough to handle a child. My daughter goes to a lutheran school they have had sex education there, besides the talks and discussion I have had with her at home. We have talk about sex, std, and protection, I have told her she should wait till she gets married, but I know when she gets older she may disregard that suggestion, but I have stressed to her about bc, it is important that she knows there are choices she can make when she decides to have sex, which I hope is not till she is married, but I am not always going to be there to keep on her about waiting till she is married. The problem at this school tha was on the news, is that the girls were becoming sexually active at the age of 8 & 9, that pregnancy were high in the middleschool, the school was stepping in to help these girls because it was obvious the parents weren't, not only were they going to help the girls with bc but they were going to counsel these girls to help them understand why they were having sex now. Look around us our society is making boys and girls grow up faster then they need to. We have where boys are told by their idols that girls are nothing but "bitches" to use them, abuse them , and then throw them away like garbage. We have same people tell girls to be little play dolls for the boys, to allow themselves to be used, etc. We have teenagers out there that don't think oral copulation is sex , that it is just another game to play with each other. Kids need info on sex they need to know what std, bc, etc are, and there are too many people out there who are uncomfortable to talk to their children about sex, well wouldn't it be wiser for these kids to learn what they need to from a counsler who has all the up to date info or from some other kid on the street who doesn't know what they are talking about . I know we will never agree on what is right but I am glad there are places these kids can go to to get the info they need. memeYa know, maybe if we as adults stopped "protecting" children from the consequences of their actions, their actions would change. I would never provide my daughter with any kind of birth control. If she's gonna play grown up, she's going to live with her choice. At age 15, she is firm in her commitment to abstinence before marriage.
I think the defeatist attitude of "well their gonna do it, we better make it safe (easy)" is very harmful.
When you expect nothing much, nothing much is what you get.
Linncn, I do understand what you are saying, but what about the consequences to an (innocent) baby from an unwanted preganancy with underage, unprepared parents?
We haven't heard from any of the men on here. C'mon guys, speak up! Adoption.Excuse me but I don't have a defeatist attitude because I don't agree with you I have a realistic attitude. I would rather have a teen on bc then to have an unwanted pregnancy, and don't give me the what about all those people who want a baby. We need to accept that there are teens out there that will have sex, and that is just a fact of life. meme
Ps alot of these babies don't get adopted because there is something wrong with the baby, remember in young teens there can be more problems during pregnancy that cause birth defects.
Maybe all this school decision comes from a grant or something that the school recieves from a govt. agency or something and that is why the school is doing this. Maybe it is money motivated, maybe the school system is broke so they needed to find money somewhere and this program was available so they went with it.
I about lost it when my daughter asked for BC and I cannot even remember how old she was...too young I thought and it took my Pediatrician's daughter ( a friend) to help me understand and cope with it.
If a 9 or 11 year old little girl makes the conscious choice to become sexually active, and understands the entire process of the life cycle and what birth control does, I would think that social services would be called in to check into the family dynamics of that young girl. This is America, not some remote village.
jode
If parents do their job and teach well a higher standard to their children, and monitor situations in which their son/daughter might otherwise engage in sexual activity, their would be much less of it.
Their are alot of people who want to adopt, whether or not I "give it to you".
It is defeatist when you take on the attitude that their is no way to prevent kids from having sex. Kids aren't animals, they do have the ability to control themselves with parental guidance. It would be easier if society didn't embrace the idea of teens having sex like rabbits. It's in the media, in music, in magazines and the schools are promoting it as well when they say "hey, here's a free pass to all the sex and none of the responsibility".
Ya know, if everyone waited to have sex until they were in a committed, monogomous, marriage relationship.........their would be no AIDS, no syphllis or ghoneria(sp) few abortions, fewer adoptions, fewer children abused and molested....maybe God had a good reason for setting it up the way He did. Back when I was in high school, I seriously thought about having sex... but I knew my father would go ballistic (not physically harm me... just be disappointed beyond belief) if he ever found out I had done something. If there were free and easy access to birth control available at school, I probably would have gone for it.I reeeaaalllyyy wanna get in on this. But I don't wanna get jumped. LOL
In my opinion.....no matter WHAT the schools hand out, say, do, etc etc. A kid who has been raised right will ALWAYS hear their parents voice before they make a decision. B/C was avlb. to me in high school, for free. I never got any of it. I also never had sex. I knew I could, but I flat out didn't want to. I had friends who were having sex, and I would try to get them to get b/c. Most of them did. The ones that did, never got pregnant. They just had fun early sex...whatever, it was their choice.
The fact that they're handing this out to 11 year olds, makes me wonder what the hell the parents are doing. If this were in a high school, I don't think we'd even be having this conversation. Afterall, it's HIGH SCHOOL. But we're talking 11 year olds, of whom some aren't even EQUIPED yet to have sex. And yet once again, a good kid is going to hear the parents voice before making a decision. So I dunno if this totally upsets me or not.
I have to agree with Kelly on the not being able to get their records. Are they serious?? There's gotta be a law that they're going against there....
Katie, good postJust because BC is available, if you have an open and honest relationship with your kids, they will know the score. I don't think having BC available is pushing kids into sex either. Some kids have no where to go, obvious a problem with their parents not being parents.
And - I wouldn't run from the school, I'd talk to my kids...
Do I agree that I wouldn't have the right to know what's going on with my 11 year old, no. Two choices, have an open, honest relationship so your kids come to you first, or don't sign the waiver for the child to get medical care at school. Or, perhap consult a lawyer, ask if you can put a clause in there, for use in emergency situation, not for...xyz.
[QUOTE=Linncn]Ya know, if everyone waited to have sex until they were in a committed, monogomous, marriage relationship.........their would be no AIDS, no syphllis or ghoneria(sp) few abortions, fewer adoptions, fewer children abused and molested[/QUOTE]
I dunno about that. Most marriages start out with people who are committed and monogomous, but they don't always stay that way.
In a perfect world we'd certainly have no AIDS, abortions or STD's. But we don't live in a perfect world. Young children have sex. Plain and simple.
For me it's more important that my daugher be taught about protection from pregnancies and STD's than it is for her to "just not have sex" or "wait until marriage". This coming from a woman who was a virgin until marriage. Sure it would be great if my daughter wanted to wait until marriage, but at 24 and in her second serious relationship, I know that won't be the case. It doesn't bother me becuase I know for myself, being a virgin until marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I was very proud the day my daughter at the age of 19, came and asked me to go with her to the health clinic to see about getting some b/c pills. When we were in the waiting room, there were probably 7 other girls there. All were around 13-16 years of age without any parent with them. I smiled at my daughter and knew I had done something right.
Thinking back when I was a teen, there would be no way I could have gone to my mother to ask if she would go with me to talk to someone about going on the pill. I'm sure some might be thinking "yes, but you were a virgin when you married...so your parents are the ones who did something right" Yeah, true, but that caused a series of other problems. And boy, it sure would have been nice to have a mother I knew I could trust with certian issues I was having, or know that I felt close enough to go to her when I felt I needed to.
No, I'm not against what is happening at this school. It just might mean that some young girl won't be stuck as a single mom on welfare, and might possibly go on to bigger and better things in her life.
Kelstev very well put. Yes we all want our children to wait till they are married, but I also want my daughter to be able to come to me at anytime and know she can talk to me about anything on her mind and that I will not judge her but try to help her. There are too many kids out there that don't have someone they can talk to, so if they need to go the clinic and get help let them. There is too many things that can happen out there and as I said before I would rather see them on bc, instead of having babies they don't want. meme
ps this is my last post on this I will not go any further because it is a no win situation all the way around .
The fact that five out of five hundred girls are having active sex at 11 is scary to me. As a teacher the whole dynamics of a classroom changes when two (just two) people in the classroom are having sex, and Heaven forbid if they are having sex together...then the teacher is totally at a loss, b/c everyone knows and that becomes the overshadowing effect in a classroom.
Ok, I am done with that:
1. I like Lizzie have always been extremely open and honest with both my daughter and my son about sex. I have also gone a step further with my son and tried to teach him the difference between sex to him as a teenage boy, and sex to a girl. It is very different, and it goes back to always having the other persons best interest at heart. I have a daughter in a very serious relationship, do I worry...sometimes, but I do know because I have talked to both of them openly...that they are determined to wait like both sets of parents. I had this discussion with my mother the other day(she said...I wish your grandma would have given me BC pills, b/c I wouldn't have had you at 16) I guess I am with Linik...if they are going to play house they are going to pay for it too. I did not have sex before I was married...was I on my own...YES...was he on his own...YES, but we chose to wait, b/c we do believe in the beauty of sex.
2. I think if you are advertizing that 11y/o are on the pill...yep...they're going to be a preditors dream come true!!! We do not punish preditors, and so they are on the rise. It will happen...and I think the most scary thing is the step-father preditor will increase, because there will be no responsibility for it. This is a HUGE thing when I look at classes like I had last year I had 6 out of 17 kids in original parent homes!!! Now I am NOT saying that all step parents are preditors, but it is out there and huge!
3. BC pills are a perscription medicine and carry huge implications especially if something life threatening happens to the kids. If parents have no idea...and they are admitted, and there is a huge problem...well...I guess the state will be suide, and should be. My gosh ladies we are asked every time we go to the darn doctor what O/C(over the counter) stuff and vitamins we are taking. BC pills carry some heavy risks later in life. Are we going to wipe out a generation of girls just in the name of sexual convenience. Not a choice I am willing to make.
I guess that is my two cents, and I am going to end with this. Every little child born into this world no matter to what circumstance is a miracle in and of itself. I think Americans have been in persuit of the almighty dollar rather than looking at the miracle in front of them!
Done...
I am not surprised at all about this. There are several reasons why we have had our kids in private school, but this is part of the reason. I like a say on what goes on in my kids school. I have home schooled my kids when we couldn't afford private school.
You are right Mary...shoot I am still accompanying my children to the doctor, because they want me there. I can't imagine.
There are some things said that I agree with, many more than I strenuously disagree with, but like some others here, I've had enough for now.
Just wanted to explain that the medical center is not violating laws, it is following them. Not disclosing the child's medical information to the parents is a Maine state law...
"Under state law, a child can be treated for sexual or mental problems or substance abuse confidentially, prohibiting medical staff from informing their parents. "
Innerglow is right about the state law. Every state has different laws regarding release of information, but they must be at least as stringent as the federal law. < =text/>_popupControl();Oh do middle school children think about sex. That is the age when it hits. However, that does not mean that they will all act upon their thoughts. I know my daughter will not at this age because I have that kind of relationship with her. Don’t get me wrong…I do know she thinks about what it would be like etc. I can only speak about this in reference to my child…my home life…and my parenting. If you do not think that there are middle school children out there having sex then you are sorely mistaken. There are 6th…7th…8th grade girls getting pregnant and contracting deadly STD’s. It doesn’t really matter whether it is inner city or the suburbs where the BC and condoms are being handed out. Kids are kids and whether you live in government subsidized housing or own a home in the burbs…kids are going to have sex.
Link…I have to disagree with you on what you said about not taking your child for birth control. You want her to pay the price for having sex if she happens to have unprotected sex?? That price Link could be her life (literally) not to mention the life of a child she could possibly become pregnant with. You hit the nail on the head. She would be “playing” grown up because she is not a grown up!!! She is still a child!! Children make some pretty poor decisions in the heat of the moment because their brains are just not developed enough to say hey…stop for a second and slow down and think about what you are doing!!! When these kids are all wrapped in feeling good….suddenly the clothes come off and bingo bango…they are having some unprotected sex. My daughters are 15 and 12 and they are firm in their decisions to refrain from pre marital sex. But that does not mean it can’t nor won’t happen in the future. It is my job to protect my children because at times, they can not make that smart decision themselves because they are still children!!! I am not making it “easy” for them to go out and have sex if I am providing them with condoms and birth control. I am showing them that I care about their health and emotional well being. I made a decision in my past regarding sex and I can tell you from personal experience that I wish I did have a mother like me that would have handed me a condom or taken me for birth control. My life most likely would have taken a different path. You can not prevent teens from having sex. You can educate them about it…you can hope and pray that they listened to you about it…but in the end…it is ultimately their choice. What you can prevent teens from doing is completely shattering their lives because of one split second decision. And that prevention for me and my girls..is to be armed not only with education of sex and its consequences it can have..but also condoms and BC.
Katie…we might still be talking about this even if it were high school kids getting handed out the stuff. Part of the point here that some of us are upset about is the without parental consent and knowledge thing. I want to see my child’s records and I have the right to see them since I am MOM. Kids raised right will hear moms voice almost all of the time. Not all the time tho lol. They are still working out making decisions for themselves and sometimes do not want to hear moms voice in their head lol.
I never would have been able to go to my mom when I was a teen and talk about sex etc. But I didn’t have the best home life when I was a teen. I was one of those kids that wasn’t raised right and had moms voice in the back of her head. I do make sure that if my children are not comfy coming and talking to me about anything…that they have other mentors that I trust in place to talk to.
I also personally know a 16 year old that became pregnant and has recently married after the baby was born and her husband graduated high school. As far as I know she is still in school continuing to get her education. They no longer live at home either. I really hope these kids do succeed with this, but we all know that the odds are really stacked very highly against them.
Liz you do make a good point for todays age, and disease. I guess it comes down to knowing who they are dating as well. I know that when Eleya is 18, she will make the decision, and at that point she will have to carry responsibility. Brandon....I am just not sure about him. No girlfriends yet, and not a whole lot of interest other than looking and being nice.
I could not with a clear conscience help my daughter do something that I think is harmful to her. Just as I won't give her a basement to drink alcohol with her friends, just as I would never supply her with clean needles should she turn to drugs, I would not give her a way to make sex a thoughtless activity. If she should decide to partake, she will do it with the knowledge that she might be facing life changing consequences, including pregnancy or std's. If my daughter decides to harm herself, she will not be helped along by me. Ever. I'm her mom. She's too important and too cherished by me and her dad for that.Well put Link! My sentiment's exactly!
Thanks Gale [QUOTE=Linncn] Ya know, if everyone waited to have sex until they were inLet's get a little of our facts right.
AIDS is a pandemic of mostly heterosexual people. It's only in America that it's a 'gay' disease.
How many wives, in the good, old days were given STD's by their men?
You'd have fewer abortions if people abstained - but how many of them are because their kids are too afraid to tell their parents what happened and try to 'hide' it further?
What is wrong with adoptions? At least it's not the aforementioned 'abortions' - so to drop this in here as a 'bad' thing makes no sense. There are many, many infertile couples in this world - and quite a few of them on this board too.
Child abuse can be directly correlated to the stress parents are under - magnified by socioeconomic conditions and a lack of a support network - things magnified for pregnant kids on their own after their own family kicks them out.
Most molested children are molested by FAMILY MEMBERS.
So...to those who think God may want marriage and family only - I'd like to point out - What Would Jesus Do?
He'd forgive and reach out and help.
Pip
Link..sorry…I will still have to politely and respectfully disagree with your opinion regarding this topic. I do respect your feelings on it and if this is what works for your family this is what works for your family. You do make a couple of valid points, but the bottom line is that I feel turning a child a loose into the world of sexual adventures without any safety precautions is just not something I could or would do. You might understand that better after reading my story. If a parent does not want to give their child BC or condoms then so be it. I would implore that the parents heavily educate the child on the consequences of having unprotected sex. I would also implore that you are informed at all times of your child’s health and medical records.
*****WARNING***** The following post is going to be a very personal post. It does apply to the current thread and is not going to be bashing anyone etc. It is being posted so that I can hopefully show my side of the coin on this issue from a little more personal of a level and hopefully help people at least acknowledge that there are valid points on each side of this coin. With that being said…here goes nothing lol.*********
I am extremely passionate regarding this issue. As if you guys couldn’t tell lol. This is because at 16 years of age, I became pregnant and made the choice to adopt out my baby. At that time in my life, I had very selfish parents that were wrapped up in their own lives and too busy to care about the lost teenager that was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was shuffled back and forth between my fathers home and my mothers home. Neither home situation was the best place for me let alone any other kid. I became a part of a blended family at 15 years old. My father remarried a bi-polar woman (who never took a med for it or went to any counseling for it so home life was pretty much h*ll) with 3 sons…2 of which still lived at home. My mother and her b/f had decided to live together and that brought on a step brother and sister so to speak. Eventually he and my mother did marry. I was tossed to the side by both sets of parents in favor of my step brothers and sister. This is a pretty normal situation for most families. However, this is one of the many reasons that young women are out there having pre marital unprotected sex. They are not getting the love and the attention from their parents that they deserve and need to have. Young adolescent boys have the ability to zero in on these lost little girls and really take advantage of them. Long story short, I became pregnant. My decision to adopt out my baby was the best one for HER. Not for ME…but for HER. If only my parents (or the school had condoms and BC available and notified my parents) would have taken the time with me when I had a boyfriend to sit me down and say…looks like you guys are getting pretty serious. It is time to talk about whether you are thinking of having sex or not. It is time to talk about not only the physical issues like pregnancy or STD’s, but also the emotional issues of sex and BC. If these talks would have happened with me, my entire life would be different. However, I do not regret for one millisecond carrying my daughter to term, giving her life, and then giving her a life. Adoption is not a bad thing. I don’t see how it can be. I gave a human being a life and I gave what I feel is the greatest gift of all to someone…a child of their own.
However, adoption is a difficult choice to make as it comes with many stigmas attached to it. It is not an easy decision and it impacts every facet of the person’s life that made the choice to adopt out for the rest of their lives. If I can save my child from making that agonizing decision, you can bet a month’s worth of dirty diaper changes I will save my child from making that decision by putting them on birth control and giving them condoms. If
I would just rather have these kids be able to get their hands on birth control and prevent many agonizing decisions they may need to make. However, I still feel 11 is a little young to hand out condoms and BC. I really feel 12 is a better age to start with the handing out of condoms and BC.
Where is that child now that I adopted out all those years ago? She is my oldest daughter that I occasionally talk about. She is the one making me a gramma!! This also just backs the findings of research that girls that are born to teenage parents are more likely to have unprotected pre marital sex than girls born to parents out of their teens and in their 20’s etc.
Sorry for the rant and ramble. I just wanted people to really look at this topic with open eyes and have a real life story to relate to on the possible consequences of not putting those crib rails up so to speak and keeping their children safe not only from diseases and pregnancy, but also the emotional aspects of sex.
Well said Pip....very well said.Let me spell it out a little better just to make sure you guys understand this time.
If you take a married couple, they were virgins when they wed and were faithful to each other through out their lifetime, their would be little chance that either would end up with a sexually transmitted disease, right?
Now, take that idea further and apply it to everyone (men and women) and what you have is a society where things like std's are practically non existant.
Understand now?
Both of my children are adopted and my husband at the time and I were one of those lucky adoptive couples who waited 8 long years for our second child because in the "80's it was nearly impossible to be "ok'd" to adopt and it was even more difficult to adopt a second child.
I had endometriosis BTW which was so severe they gave me a total hysterectomy at the tender age of 21. With this they also had to remove part of my bowel and part of my bladder. I had no other means of becoming a parent.
jode
""If you take a married couple, they were virgins when they wed and were faithful to each other through out their lifetime, their would be little chance that either would end up with a sexually transmitted disease, right?""
True...and wouldn't that be a nice world to live in. I would love to have my children grow up in a world which that is the "norm". But it just aint so anymore. I truly wished it was and I am a divorced parent. My children both became sexually active at a young age, maybe due to the dynamics of our family maybe not...afterall I came from an extremely stable family with a nana to take care of all of our everything in a huge house in an upscaled burb.I was sexually active before I married at age 18.
To this day my daughter does not want to marry even though her bfriend truly does. To this day she can recite the latest stats on divorce because she researches it often to watch for geographic trends...where is the safest and most reasonable place to live in the United States. What is the divorce rate this year compared to last year or 5 years ago, what socioeconomic class has the highest crime rate and divorce rate ect. So she has a head on her shoulders and is aware and concerned. She was sexually active waaay before she could drive, was honest and upfront with me about it from the very beginning and I took her to her Peds office to get her on birth control.
My question to her was this: if I scream and yell at you to not become sexually active will you stop? A: no
If I refuse to allow you and demand you stop being sexually active will you stop. A: no
Is there anything at all I can do to make you reconsider this act