How do those of you who have quit working arrive at the decision to do so? For many of you there was no choice, you just couldn't physically do it any more, but what about the others who had a choice?
I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel better for a few weeks and then get really sick again or develop a new problem. Through sheer determination I have kept working but have given up everything else I used to do. Of course I do not look sick and try not to let on so people have no idea what a struggle it is. All they know is I have to take FMLA for a health issue.
I have an opportunity for more responsibility at work, but I am afraid to say yes because there would be more stress. I know saying no stops my career. At the same time, I have new health problems and had to double my pred - and even that is not working. And I wonder if I can even keep going like this. Working keeps me getting up every day but so much of the time it is so hard. With 2 in college and all my health expenses, it would also be a hard adjustment. And quitting makes me feel like I am losing the battle.
There is really no answer but maybe your input will help me see it all more clearly.
Laker
I was 38 when it started agressively, i lost strength and it was very painful to walk, I had my own small transport company and was involved in motorsport.
Patty...this is probably the hardest of all decisions. I am still toying with the idea that I may teach full time, but in my heart I don't really think that will ever happen. What is your heart telling you? Do you HAVE to have your income? Would your health or outlook improve if you were able to rest more? What does your family want you to do?
Often times our identity is very wrapped up in our work, and then when you suddenly stop you end up in huge depression. If your work is not how you identify yourself and you will get more rest and maybe eliviate some of the aches and pains...then it is a quality of life decision. I vote for the quality of life any day.
I had to stop working last year because it was just to difficult for me physically. I am a nurse and so I am on my feet a lot. There is no putting things off..and going home once you are there for a shift is almost impossible. I was calling in often and facing reprimand for so many call ins..and tardies (slow moving).
When I took my leave of abscence...(I couldnt bring myself to quit)..I felt like I had given up on me. I didnt realize how much I defined myself by my work. When I would meet someone new, I would still say I am a nurse. It really was tough emotionally, and financially.
That said...I dont regret the time that I was off. I needed it. I could not have worked at that time. And, I was pleasantly suprised to find that after about 9 mos off of work, I was actually able to return on a part time basis.
So I guess the point is, yes....it will be hard. And things might get tough. But only you know what your body's limits are and only you can determine at what point is going to work diminishing the quality of other aspects of your life. If you have no existance outside of work bc you are in so much pain and so exausted then it may be time to quit or at least cut back hours.
Most importantly, dont ever let anyone make you feel bad about your decision. No one can really know what you can and cant do except you.
I never had a choice, my RA just got too severe for me to be able to, so I stopped after I had Neve, five years ago. There is no way I could guarantee I could actually stay awake at work apart from anything else.I know this is a hard decision.... I had to quit working in jan 2006! It was a tough decision but I couldn't do the work anymore....I was a cna and I was afraid I would drop a patient and I always wanted to treat my patients as I would want to be treated and I just couldn't anymore. So, I filed for disability and 1 yr and 1/2 later I finally got it. So, take your time and make your decision..... Hope this helps.
I am very fortunate. I have a desk job with the (hands down!) best boss anybody could ever ask for. I work for the fed. gov't (army civilian) and I earn sick leave and annual leave and anytime I've needed to be off 'cause I don't feel good, he never questions me or gives me a hard time. Because I started so young (18) with the gov't, even though i have 20 years of service, I still have 19 to go before I'm elligible to retire. I'm HOPING I can continue to work for at least 10 more years and if need be take disability and retire early. this is something that I've thought alot about. I think that as long as my work doesnt suffer, my boss would work with me in any way I needed it. But I know someday, I may face the same decision.
Laker, I'm so sorry you're being faced with this decision. Right now I am still working (mostly desk job) but I have no idea how long I'll be able to continue. It could be 5 years, it could be next week.
You said you're being offered more responsbility and saying no stops your career. Do you mean you would be out of a job, or just that you wouldn't continue to move forward in your job? If it's the latter, then my advice would be to turn it down. I think for most people, a less demanding job lets them keep working longer.
Five years ago I was programming software for a small consulting firm when I quit because of serious issues there (unrelated to my health). My current job is a lesser position by far, because I know I couldn't keep up the way I was going, even at the most tolerant of employers. I am back to making the same salary I made ten years ago, but it is enough and provides great benefits, without stressing me too far.
Laker,For me there was no question I could not work anymore. I quit working last March. My doctor also had told me that I could not work and he said that I really needed to try and get SSDI. So I quit and I did win my SSDI. I admit there are times that I really miss working, and talking to other adults, but, I know in my heart that I made the right choice.
Sandra
You have all given me a lot to think about. I keep waffling back and forth on this. Things are in a state of change where I work and I think I could keep my current position if I want instead of moving up. This just goes against my natural "bent". I talked to the hr manager and my boss about it today. They are uncertain what direction the changes will take now anyway so I have time to mull over the hard questions. My husband may need to change jobs and that could involve a move which would decide the issue for me. I really don't know right now.
Laker
More than anything in my life I wanted to teach. I put off finishing school til the kids were all in school, then got my credentials.
I was a full time sub for ages..
When I suddenly became very ill with cardiomyopathy the decision was made for me. I couldnt walk around a classroom. I couldnt hurry my kids out of the building for a fire drill.. I couldnt move a desk.
In the interest of the kids safety first, I applied for social security and got it. I wasnt expected to live more than a couple years. surprisingly my heart improved just as my RA got really bad. sooooo I still cant work. I cant hold chalk, or a book. I cant write, my jaw locks so I cant talk so I cant lecture. I still ccouldnt hurry the kids out in case of fire...
If there was any way I could do it, I would teach. As it stands I even had to stop tutoring and I can't home school Ally like I planned.
I really struggled with giving up my job because my boss kept working around my needs, even letting me go into work when I felt like it and leaving the same way. But I worked in a financial investing firm and I really had to hear well and my meds caused ringing in my ears and that concerned me as well. I was after all dealing with someone else's money, so I finally did quit, but after 8 months they called and wanted me to go back and it broke my heart to say no. I really missed the money at first, but I have adjusted quite well. I struggled with the work question for years. I really did not have the courage to quit my job. My husband wanted me to quit I was afraid to give up the income and my "identity". However, when my husband lost his job in Chicago and was offered a job in Georgia the decision was made. I managed a dental office and it was very stressful. Even though I much prefer Chicago to the south, the lower cost of living has allowed us to survive on one income and one car. Looking back I can not imagine how I survived! Kathy_in_wlsv, I tried to send you a pm and your box was full!In my case, the decision was partically made for me to stop working. I injured my hand and shoulder at work and kept working after the injury. It got to the point that I couldn't do my part and my co-workers had to pick up the slack. Very unfair to them. In one way it was a blessing that I was forced to stop as I founded out what was going on with my arthritis. As things stand right now, I haven't work for over a year. Can't lift anything heavy, type, write, or stand for a long time. It seems that my joints are rebeling against me.
As for others, the decision to stop working can be a hard one. You have to do what's right for you. Search your heart and listen to your body. It will lead you to the right decision.
Hi all, I quit work about 4 weeks ago. It was a lot of office BS about be taking a day off( only day 2 for the year) . I was truely at my wits end with the pain of having to jump up and down all day ( I was taking patients back at a doctors office as well as up front office). A month later I am not sure if it is because I am missing the amount of movement , but I feel worse than ever. I do miss work, I try to do things that I was putting off around the house but its not like actual conversations with adults. If I could do it all over I might have thought more carefully before I jumped, Plus my shopping trips have dwindled to almost non existant I am struggling with that very issue myself. I just don't know if i can anymore. I guess i have to wait and see. Well i woke up today. I am going to have to decide pretty quick i think. It seems when i don't have fatique issues on a day like today then i can't go to sleep. But i have been bouncing back and fourth. I enjoy working and i thought i could. I keep thinking tomorrow i will be better then something new like this infection popped up and i was down again. But i can't honestly afford to expect the impossable from myself. And i am getting a clear picture this is expensive. I am going to stay with family for a while. I just can't do it for myself all the time. I wake up and there is to much to catch up. I have to be awake to pay the bills. I have created a mess. And my family doesn't get it. I have always been sick. Well now i am really sick i guess. They think she did it all of these years she'll pull out of it. Not to mention the mental confusion i have aquired. Well if i am not better by a week or two i think I will give in. I guess it is pride or just the need to get better and do something. I will see how the meds work when this infection is gone and hopefully i can. I do not know how i will react to the meds and i am racking up alot of doctors bills. If mentally i can't do anything but make a mess i don't see the point. I gave up physical labor. now maybe i have to give up office type work. My math maybe off by 4 cents here and there. I fall asleep after i tell someone i will help them. I do wake up and i am doing corrections from weeks before. I am starting to see that i thought i was doing all right and truly was not. I am just having trouble giving in thats all. Some days i think that. Other days i think if i can just stay awake. For now i have to get well first i guess and see where life goes from there.with me i have to keep an eye on the docs. Havn't even been to a specialist yet. I have to go stay with family and give my self some time to work on me. So many new things to keep an eye on. I have to get my priorities straight. Why that is so hard for me i just don't know.I was forced to retire because of RA and at my doctor's insistence. I was in and out of the elderly's homes doing evaluations and when I was in my office it was extremely high stress. I was the Director of a non profit organization that provided advocacy to the elderly. Due to my exposure to all types of illnesses and the stress my doctors insisted that I quit. It was a very difficult decision but once made I felt so much better mentally. A week into retirement I felt better physically. It's been a slow road back but I was determined to make it. It's been two and a half years since I gave up my position and looking back I realize it was the best decision I've ever made. Stopping work isn't the worst thing that can happen to you......not realizing that you should and continuing to punish your body and mind is the worst thing that can do to yourself.
Fortunately, I could quit and it didn't impact our finances or lifestyle. We lived fairly simply and my paycheck went for all the little extras that we enjoyed like travel, clothing, new sports car, housekeeper, etc. I was lucky in that respect ,so the decision to stop working was easier for me. It was the first time since I was 18 that I hadn't worked and I've enjoyed every minute of being home. I've even enjoyed doing housework. Something that was always a chore before turned into a pleasurable task. My life changed, I had more time for myself and my husband. What a new concept for me. I could truly relax and it helped me to get better over a 2 year period of time.
I wasn't in the midst of my career. I was at the end of my working life, so I just retired 5 years earlier. I had my 3 careers and was ready for freedom. It's one of the toughest decisions that any of you will have to make and only you can make that decision based on the severity of the disease and your lifestyle. Sometimes it's best to wait till you're forced to make the decision and sometimes it's best to make the decision early on. Just remember you're not defined by your work, you're an unique individual and should not be identified by your work but by your individuality. Lindy
Whether to continue working or not is such a personal, individual decision. I think the questions that others have posed to you are great and answering them may help you find some clarity.
For me, there is no way I would be able to work for someone else, and definately not full-time. I have done private, contract work part-time for the past 9 years, which has enabled me to set my own schedule and work when I feel well. I recently started my own company (children's nonprofit mental health agency) and go out to see clients, etc on the days I feel well (maybe 10 - 15 hours a week). The other days I am able to work at home - writing grants, handling the business side of the agency, etc. I also have a partner who is like a sister to me. She will attend the meetings I'm unable to attend, due to health, doctor's appts, etc. It really is the best of both worlds for me. I love the type of work I do and can't imagine not working. However, I also know I have limitations and would not last a week working for someone where I was expected to show up for work on set days and times. The downside of working for yourself is....you really have to be very self-motivated and seize the opportunities to work when you feel well (rather than go shopping, lol). I'm not sure what type of work you do, but maybe there is another option besides working full-time and disability. Maybe having someone to sit and brainstorm with you on this would provide some other ideas to bounce around. If you discover that you really don't feel able to work, that's ok too. You are the only one who lives in your body and knows what it is like to make it through each day. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make. Love and hugs, julia
There are a lot of things to consider, and life goes on at such a dizzying pace there is hardly time to think about it-everything is changing so fast. My husband will probably change jobs, causing us to move in which case the decision will be made for me. At the same time, my boss wants me to take on more management responsibility, but I can see my health going downhill again and I don't know what to say. I had a scope this week and was supposed to have a 6 week follow-up with the dr, but his office called the next day and said I "have" to come in on Tuesday. I think I won't think about what that could mean. And my daughter is unhappy in school and wants to come home for a semester, oh yeah, and then there is the remodeling project and we had out-of town guests for the weekend.
My hubby and I are fleeing our chaotic lives and taking a week vacation soon. We are hoping that will give us some time to think about what we really want.
Laker
Laker I am so sorry I know how you are feeling right about know. Back in June I had gotten a really bad case of pnemonia which caused one of my lungs to collapse which i am still having trouble with. My Rheumy walked in right after they put me with a chest tube and told me that i was done i waited to long when i was sick and i have some bad damage done. Not only that i was flaring bad and i so want to go back to work I liked my crappy little job. The day i went in and turned in all my things all i did was cry BUT YOU HAVE TO THINK about yourself and your family. I am used to always working but know this is the best cause i get to see my kids grow. I know its hard but whats more important your health or your job. You will then have plenty of time to finish remodeling and it is so much better on your joints I honestly have had less flares and my kids and husband are happier.
Good Luck on your choice
Your health and a happy family is to be honest priceless. I was a 'high powered PA', worked in court 3/4 days a week then back to the office to finish the days work. I left early in the morning returned home late at night. I am fortunate that we were able to financially still pay the bills, eat, go on holiay (if we save enough), etc and work part time. I work 25 hours a week and can lower it if I want to. My boys (hubby and son) are very happy with the arrangement and I feel I get the best of both worlds. I'm not poorly enough yet to consider 'not' working but understand both options and wouldnt hesitate to give up work if it affected not only my long term health but the happiness of my family. We only get one life and we have to make the best of it. Only you will know deep down what is acceptable to you and yours. Good look with your decision making.Laker, I'm taking my job like my life...one day at a time right now. I am having trouble working, but keep telling myself that I may feel better tomorrow, next week, next month. I'm hoping to finally get my first infusion of Rituxan on Friday, and maybe it will help. But I'm also afraid I may try to keep working too long. It feels like you're damned if you do, damn't if you don't.
Also, it goes against my "bent" too not to take on more responsibility. And apparently it goes against most manager's bents as well, since I keep telling them I'm not able to take on more and they keep coming back and asking. It's hard enough to say no, but harder still to have to do it over and over. I tell my boss what's going on with my health and how much time and energy managing it takes (doctor appts, keeping prescriptions up to date, resting), but people never really understand unless it's happening to them.
Anyway, it sounds like you have a lot going on right now, but I hope your time away will help bring you some clarity.
I should have added some of the things Lindy said also. For me, I worked for over 35 years, 3 children grown, and it was just time to retire a bit early. I am 50. I did refuse to give in for about a year, and it kept getting worse and worse. Can't sleep, so couldn't got to work, can't stay awake, so had to leave early, Dr appts, memory fog, etc etc. Then, my GP basically told me it was all in my head. Nothing wrong with me other than not wanting to go to work!! I was floored and starting thinking he was right, so I forced myself to go for another 6 months. By the end of that, I was a basket case! 2 new Dr's later, and I really am sick.