Girlfriend | Arthritis Information

My girlfriend has RA and I knew nothing about this disease before I met her, since then I have look up and read information on sites like RA.com etc. I try to help her anyway I can and try to do the housework wash clothes when I can so when she gets home she doesn’t have to do anything, but she is very independent. There are days when am alone I find myself crying for her and what she must be going thru, she is very strong and hides her pain well. When she is having a flare-up I have learned that is not me but her way of her coping with this disease when she with-draws from me and wants space away from me.

Welcome ddmiller!

It can be very difficult for our loved ones to sit back and watch us in our misery. Just be with her and yes, give her the space that she needs when she needs it. Sometimes we need a little pitty party then we're fine again (as far as fine gets for some of us). This is a crapy disease and not fun. I hope she is getting help from a rheumy. Let her know about this site! There are some pretty fantastic people here who are in the same boat and can give advise and shoulders (for you too)!

welcome ddmiller!!!!!

How wonderful you are for caring for your girlfriend so much. She is lucky to have you. Let her know about this site......we are a great big family here. Just keep doing what your doing and you will be a great help to her. < =text/>_popupControl();

Welcome to the board! You are a wonderful boyfriend!! You really seem to love and care about your girlfriend very much. She also sounds like a very strong woman who faces this disease head on and doesn’t let it run her life. That is fantastic. How long has she had RA?

Yes, when she withdraws from you it is not *you* she is withdrawing from. It is more like she is withdrawing because she feels that she doesn’t want to burden you with this disease and everything that comes along with it. Just let her know that you understand she is having a rough time and that it is really ok to vent what she is feeling to you. Let her know you are there to support here and that it doesn’t matter that she has RA. You love and care for her for who she is. Not what she *has*. Let her know that you cry for her and just wish you could make her feel better. She will feel so much better herself knowing that. There will be days of frustration on both of your parts. Just turn to each other and both of you will make it through those times of frustration.

Communication really is key when a partner has any kind of chronic illness. It is very frustrating for the partner of someone with a chronic illness that they just can’t “fix” it. This is especially so for male partners of someone with a chronic illness.

You seem to be a very loving and caring person and I congratulate you for that.
As a male you want to be able to fix things and must find it very frustrating to not be able to fix (help) at times.
I've talked to my partner that when I am like your GF that the best thing that she can do ( I find really helps) is for her to continue with her daily life.

The most annoying thing for me is to have someone flustering around me wanting to help (even demanding at times), it's a case of get out of my hair and let me deal with it.
If I see things are ticking along without me I find it just helps and takes some of the guilt and pressure off me.

Perhaps your GF feels a little the same and when she feels like it, will ask for assistance.

Keep up the good work.
My girlfriend has the R.A. as well. I actually did the same (and still do) thing, and looked up as much as I can on it. I find the best thing I can do to help her is give her hope, especially when she is having a flare up. Also, it sometimes helps to keep her active, for example, I got my girlfriend to come biking with me at the end of the summer for 200+ miles. welcome to the site....i have learned a lot here, and you will too.

hI, how nice of you to check in to this forum for your girlfriend. Yes , tears are part of our life. Sometimes we and those we love suffer from a lot of things. the pain, the fatigue, the crappy stuff the drugs to do us...headachy, tired, and even stiffness , YES, the meds can cause us to feel worse, for a few days until they do their work. It sounds strange, but true.

I know it is hard for you to deal with the feeling of rejection, but I know , you know it is this stupid disease and not you.

You are marvelous to write us. Please keep on posting. We are always here! Lynda

Thanks you all for your help and information. I will back off if I see her withdrawing from me and gave her some space. She is a wonderfull person that I care about very much. [QUOTE=ddmiller38]I will back off if I see her withdrawing from me and gave her some space. [/QUOTE] I'd just like to add that in my case our relationship nearly ended because I could not cope with everything that was going on around me and having to deal with the onset of RA.
I had to do my block in the end to get my partner to realize that it was not her, but my way of dealing with things and to please just give me the space to work things out.

My partner had a brief talk with a professional who helped her to understand that we are all different and that crowding me with wanting to help was not in the best interest of the relationship.

It was really getting to the stage that I just wanted out and thought that I would be better off in the bush talking to the trees.

My partner backed off, we are still together.

Thank you so much for caring for your GF. I admire your love and support of her. Make sure you are in this for the long haul! There will be many peaks and valley's and it is totally stressful on both the person with it and without it. I hope you have many years together, and keep communicating as to what she wants you to do and how you can "help".

Bless YOU!!

Your gfriend is a very lucky woman, I wished I would have had that support from my fiance' ,our relationship did not make make it through the rough of things and I miss him terribly at times. SOme things are just meant to be I suppose. Life is difficult. Life is even more difficult with this disease. Multiply that by a bazillion when you have to do everything yourself and go it alone.

I woudl have crumbled a million times by now had it not been for my daughter's support. My sister, her hubby and my mom all helped me through this as well; but, the flares are really bad by yourself, life in general is.

Hats off for all the men that stick by their woman's side through illness.

jode