Despair, depression, feelings of hopelessness...they're all emotions we struggle with day to day, trying to cope with this disease and all the other life pressures we face. Forcefully trying to maintain a "positive attitude" by sheer will power has never worked well for me...it quickly disintegrated into denial and hiding from the truth about how I felt. It has taken a while but I've finally become comfortable facing my darker feelings, allowing them to follow their natural path, and finding some "illumination" at the end...a positive sense of who I am and where I am going. That's what this poem is about. I don't find it depressing, but liberating. It's an honest expression of how I often feel, and the light at the end of the tunnel. I write to release some of those feelings but thought I would share it with you...maybe it will help you face your own dark feelings of despair and find illumination.
Despair and Illumination
By
I cried, wet tears embracing pain,
A flowing sheet of drowning rain
That dripped through my soul’s hollow spaces,
Distorting images of anguished faces.
I sighed, echoing deep emptiness,
A fleeting plea of helplessness
That surged, a wave crashing on the shore
Of my aching soul, empty and poor.
I stared aimlessly at a darkened wall,
Enshrouded in the mist of a funeral pall,
Blurring the raw edges of my soul’s existence,
A dark shadow that kills resistance.
I whispered, an endless litany,
A stream of wrongs invoking sympathy
For sleepless nights and wasted years,
My soul drowning in a pool of fears.
I dreamed, pursued by twisted shapes
Of vampire spirits in dark black capes,
Sucking my soul, purged of life’s fluids,
Shriveled remnants of pagans and druids.
I prayed, for divine intervention,
Grasping for a promised redemption
To lift my soul from a bottomless pit
That consumed my sanity and arid wit.
I breathed, expelling dusty, dry air,
My lungs empty, a surging flare
Inflamed my soul to search for hope
As dark despair and fear elope.
Sitting alone, entombed by the dark night,
Dripping despair silenced by the sight
Of grey shadows deepening to black,
Blanketing my soul from front to back.
I sat waiting, straining to pierce the dark,
My soul pensive, anxious to embark
On a journey out of darkness to light,
A sanctuary of peace, illumination bright.
The morning dew dampened the barren ground,
Wind whispering through autumn leaves, a solemn sound
That cracked the dark veil,
Revealing the dawning light so pale.
I rose to greet the rising sun,
Arms stretched wide, a plea to come
Into the warmth of bathing light
That burned away the dying night.
O ecstasy of illumination,
Filling my soul with anticipation,
Fed by the darkness, exercised by fear,
Drained of shadows as grace draws near.
I hope you find peace and joy in your life,
Alan
dear Alan, Wow!, your imagination on a grand scale inspires me to draw, and write and think of new things. Thank you for sharing. LyndaGreat poem Alan and thank you for sharing it with us.
Alan, you should put your poems in a book.
this poem reflects the way i feel, the pain, lack of sleep and endless wanderings throughout the night.
Thankyou
Sallyak x
Another wonderful poem, Alan. I am so impressed with your talent. I've saved as many as I've seen. Where did you learn to write like that? Did you study in college? Were you mentored? Have you been published? You should pursue it - I wish I could advise you.
This is not one of my gifts, which is probably why I admire it when I see such good work.
Kathy
Thanks for all the kind words. I write to release all the stuff that gets stored inside...so it's very personal. I didn't learn to write..it's just part of who I am. As for my education, I have a PhD in Physics and work as a scientist, which I also enjoy. So writing is a hobby, something I enjoy, and being able to share it with you is a real privilege. I haven't published anything. There really isn't much of a market for poetry anymore and I'm not really interested in commercializing my writing. Thanks for your interest.
Alan
Well then. Why aren't we calling you Dr Alan????Alan,
Thanks for sharing your poems - they hit a chord with many of us. Keep writing, keep saving them, and one day publish that book !!
Lorraine
Thank you for sharing.
It is easy to see how writing poetry is such an emotional outlet for you.