Reflections On RA | Arthritis Information

 

I am just so sick of this goddamn disease and all it’s issues. I am just so over it.

The constant flaring. The depression. The grief. The many, many losses.

Adjust. Be flexible. Have patience.

This med will only take three months to work.

This one four.

Oh well, will have to try another. Start again. Another three months.

Meanwhile life stops functioning the way it used to and no one seems to notice except you….

That your life is falling apart…

That your relationships are disintegrating…

That things aren’t the same…

And they don’t seem to care either….well, that’s just the way it is…you shall have to cope while you wait…nothing else can be done…these things take time.

And all the while the capable and competent you is slipping away and you wonder if you will ever, ever find yourself again.

Now the simplest task is a challenge…

Can I get my daughter organised for school…once I ran refuges for up to ten street kids on my own…now one small five year olds life is a challenge.

Can I pay my bills…once I ran offices with great efficiency now I forget where my bits of paper are…especially the important ones?

Can I get in the shower today…once I never even thought about it…now it is a challenging task that takes half a day? I am tired before, I am exhausted after.

I have to believe that somewhere in this despair, this fruitlessness, this lack of progress…that something is going to work…something has to work…I just haven’t found it yet.

Because if I don’t believe that…I won’t survive, not the next minute or hour or day

And when you’re down to Rituxan…you so begin to wonder…will something work…something has to work.

When they diagnose us they should write some prescriptions…not for the drugs but for the things we really need…hope, faith and patience.

I am sure I saw a little bit of hope around here somewhere…now if I’m not to exhausted after my shower…I just might try and find it.  

My new name is HOPE and im around here

edited spelling left out

pin cushion39399.286712963That's funny, my name is HOPE too! And I'm always just around the corner.


Love you Cordy! Hey its my Hope twin . I hope you find us Cordy.I have a feeling it's more like quintuplets (sp) or more! Just give us a little while to gather ourselves. We're here though, I promise! Cordy, when I first joined the board you were one of the first people to welcome me and offer words of encouragement. I think it's time to return the favor.

Jay

Hi Cordy, I'm quickly learning why you are so well thought of around here with many who are so fond of you.  I especially like how you end your post on a hopeful (no pun intended), positive note.  I think it makes us all feel better to know you're strong and capable and handling things so well.  You do inspire us, you really do.  I hope we can be helpful and inspirational for you as well.  Thanks so much...all of you. 

Best of luck to you Cordy.  I wish you lots of painfree hope filled days.  But most of all peace.

xoxoxo

Thanks Crispy, it has been such a difficult year for me...things just have to get better soon. I just can't do much more. I am a tad depressed, not really surprising. I wish for peace too.  Pour your heart out love! We're here to pick you up. :) Any time! I do know that Katiekins and I'm getting there with it. At least I'm back and writing is sure helping as is all your support. It's not seeming quite as overwhelming now.

You made me cry ya bugger. Lol. Tee-hee. Who *me* ? I would agree and thank you. It does feel much better not to be alone in this now.

I just don't have many words yet...yeah, funny Cordy...honey...I so hear you in all of  your grief....just know that I am here for you, and you are my dear friend!About bloody time you turned up, Shel. I was beginning to wonder where you were and worry.

Oh, I have cleared my PM box. Sorry, it was full but I was so down I didn't even come on at all for about two weeks.

Thanks friend. I am glad you turned up at last, girlfriend.

 

I just PMed you.  Yep...been stuggling myself, and trying to get some lose ends tied up.  Love ya!  Will be back when I can feel my fingers again. 

Sorry to hear you are struggling too. Completely relate to the finger problem. 
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