I find this interesting. I believe this happens in all families, but is never talked about. Are women really that bad? Read for yourself and let's hear your comments.
Holidays bring families together often for dinners and activities, but
sometimes, emotional dramas between women family members can stir up
chaos, instead of goodwill, says a Penn State researcher.
Dr. Cheryl Dellasega, professor of humanities and women's
studies in Penn State's College of Medicine, examines the even harsher
reality of female family feuds -- sisters who sabotage, ex-wives who
wage subtle warfare, and other family situations where women
emotionally wound each other in her new book "Forced to Be Family: A
Guide for Living with Sinister Sisters, Drama Mamas, and Infuriating
In-Laws."
She offers clinical insights and real-life stories to explain
why these female family antagonisms have a special power to hurt and
offers practical strategies to help restore relationships and reclaim
lives.
"Going home for the holidays" If so, you may witness versions
of gossip, exclusion and other hurtful behaviors: the meddling mother
who can't believe your son dropped out of college, or the sinister
sister-in-law locked in competition to prove her children are brighter,
smarter, better behaved, and more attractive than yours," says
Dellasega. "In my work with women caught up in the maelstrom of
relational aggression, some of the most emotional-and
intractable-stories I hear involve female relatives."
Dellasega has conducted research on female relationship issues
and relationship aggression, a form of bullying by girls and women. Her
books are: "Mean Girls Grown Up," "Surviving Ophelia: Mothers Share
Their Wisdom in Navigating the Tumultuous Teenage Years," "The Starving
Family" and "Girl Wars: Twelve Tried and True Strategies for Ending
Adolescent Aggression."
Female family feuds involve a special brand of Relative "RA"
(relational aggression) that can hurt more than the barbs of a seventh
grade girl ever did, according to the researcher.
"After all, your relatives are supposed to love you
unconditionally -- what does it say about you if they don't?" she
notes. "There's all the potential ammunition they have against you,
including the gritty details of your disastrous first marriage and the
times your children behaved badly, especially in 1990 when your
firstborn broke your mother's priceless glass figurine."
The drive to preserve family ties, even when those connections
aren't so positive, is called kin keeping. No matter what disputes
arise among those in attendance, the show will go on as it has for
generations.
To ease stress and anxiety prior to the holidays, the Penn
State researcher suggests creating a plan that circumvents female
family feuds: review and revise your expectations; take a look at your
own behavior and avoid triggering aggression; avoid too much food,
alcohol and togetherness; keep the focus away from yourself; and
remember that the holiday will end soon.
However, Dr. Dellasega believes in the best of women and
girls, noting, "It's a stereotype to say women are naturally mean. If
anything, we long to connect and have positive relationships,
especially with female family members."
Well, it's a good excuse for a juicy book and I'm sure that those scenarios happen in some families, but I really don't think it's as prevalent as the author would have us believe. I can honestly say there's none of that among my sisters and myself, nor was there any between my MIL or SIL. Maybe we were lucky, maybe it just wasn't in our makeup to be jealous/hurtful, etc. to each other and in the case of my sisters, we live in different states, are not very, very close and that may keep things always friendly and light too. Overall I think it paints an overly negative picture of women in general.
I don't know where they did their study, but I can tell you in my family we don't have such problems. I am 9 and 13 years older then my sisters and my sister in laws and I get along fine. Do we agree on everything, no, but we respect each others opinion whether we like it or not. Life is too short to be fueding with each other and trying to sabatoge each other, I would rather have fun with my family then be angry or nasty with them. Besides that when holidays get here we just like to EAT and have FUN!!!!!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!! xoxoxox memeIt is interesting how the bonds of family are so strong. I mean, if our friends
In one word...YES! Phats Their is some bad blood within my husband's side of the family, they aren't very close. But that is the complete opposite of my fam. I can't think of a group of people I like spending time with more than them, my sister and my brothers make me laugh so much, and I know, have witnessed how they are "their" for me in a crisis. It's funny too, because if you could have spent a day with us as teens, you would surely think that at least one of us would have taken another one out by now!!! We fought like cats and dogs.When I was growing up, every christmas was a battle. It got to the point that
hurt us like some of our family members did, we would not hold onto those
friendships would we? Why do we continue to maintain relations with
hurtful members? I know some people separate themselves over time, but
for the most part, families seem to stay connected despite all the damage
that goes on over time.
we started taking bets on who would start the fight. It was usually my mom.
Every holiday became the same way. I started dreading that part of it. As I
grew older, I realized that things were not going to change and I never
allowed a holiday to be ruined as I was raising my daughters. Now, as an
adult, holidays are festive and happy. We all have a great time and I think,
even my mom has caught onto the fact that Holidays don't have to be bad. I
found out later on also, that my mom was a victim of sexual abuse as a child
and much of it happened around the holidays when family congregated. It
seeped into her holidays as an adult. I think you have to let certain things
go in order to maintain relationships with your relatives. I'm not sure I
would maintain any type of relationship with a family member, or anyone
else for that matter who abused me as a child.My observation (my own family and friends) is that the women tend to run the household, and consequently are the organizers, caterers and waitstaff at family events. The men typically sit in the living room, drinking a few brews, watching the game, and talking about whatever it is they talk about out there. Let's be honest ladies... the holidays, and quite frankly, any family gatherings, are NOT a relaxing time for most women, but they definitely are for most men.
Just my two cents.
Personally, I prefer to dine out on Thanksgiving, but the womenfolk in my family prefer to do the cooking and the men prefer to hold the couch down and watch TV.
One of the best Thanksgivings I ever had was when I worked at a home for retarded adults. I primarily worked with the senior citizens, and on Thanksgiving, I grabbed one of the vans and brought the seniors who didn't have family nearby to my apartment to cook and eat Thanksgiving dinner. We had a blast!!!!
Nope in my family everyone helps out. On Christmas Eve we are at my in laws, everyone helps set up,clean dishes etc. or no presents get opened. Christmas is with my family we do potluck, and everyone cleans up before going home. Thanksgiving we spend with our various in laws and relatives. I have it at my house for my mother in law and one brother in law, and anyone we know who has no place to go.. My one brother has my mother at his house another is at his inlaws and so forth and so on. Then that evening we get together at someone's house and visit for a couple hours then go home. We are so stuff from the day no one needs anything more to eat we bring our drinks pop, water so forth. We have learned over the years we don't need to go over the top to have a good holiday we just need each other. Meme
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