Anger | Arthritis Information

 

I have noticed for the last few months on this board how much anger is
coming across in many of our posts (mine included) and it concerns me
how most of us handle this issue. It seems to me that it is ok for people
here to be sad, depressed and every other emotion but the minute
someone here gets angry and expresses it in any form, they are attacked
and told to STOP.

I was always under the impression that anger is part of the grieving
process and through my experience working with sick people, the anger
tends to present itself in all forms.

I know I'm going to get some angry responses from this post but I think it
is worth bringing up to everyone.

Anger is a form of grieving and maybe we all need to ask ourselves...why
we are lashing out at each other?   Are we really angry at eachother or are
we just totally pissed about the physical destruction going on in our
bodies? And it is easier to project our anger into other areas or people in
our lives.

Has anyone really ever thought about this? It is ok to be angry, in fact a
healthy part of moving toward acceptance of what is going on.

Also, what can we do to more constructively vent our anger?
Any input?lorster39424.3405092593

Is it justifiable anger?

Or is it anger because of stress from being so ill?

Lori - I got beat up bad when I first got here too because I was full of anger, but the behind-the-scenes pming of people in here who reach out in love got me through it.  I think some posters forget that there is always a missing part to every situation and I have no idea who you (the one reading this post right this monent) have friends with in here via pm.  So all this righteous, justifiable anger is absurd because nobody in here knows the whole story of someone else.  I was raised to mind my own business.  Do I slip, you bet. 

Sure I am angry, but venting in here, and being encouraged along the way to accept what is happening has made this bearable and my anger is disipating (plus I got diagnosed and some medical treatment finally).

My thanks to every poster here, from the hater to the lover.  Cathy

Lorster, I am really impressed by your insight and wisdom that you show in this post.

I agree, anger is VERY much part of grieving and it needs to be acknowledged as valid.

My only concern is that the personal attacks have gone to a point of trying to destroy each other, which was the reason I asked people to remember why we all come to this forum.

I think anger is still one of those emotions that we all find difficult to talk about and express. Many of us were not taught as children how to deal with anger in a productive and non-harmful way.

I hope that the perceptive questions you have presented make us all think. I hope that we all take time to ponder on them and step back and observe how this part of grieving affects us all.

I think when you are so angry at the physical destruction that this disease has had on your body and your life, it is very difficult to stop and separate what is making you so angry. You just lash out.

Thank you, so much for posting this and raising such brilliant questions. Well done.

Hi Lorster. I feel that my anger comes and goes. Sometimes I'm more excepting of this disease than other times. I don't know why. Well, I do know why. It's because my pain isn't under control. 

I try hard not to take it out on other people. I only live with my husband, my kids and other family members are on the other side of the country. And if I get mad at anyone it's him. And he sure doesn't deserve it. So I internalize it. I've always kept my feelings to myself anyway, that's just my make-up. But I do wish I knew a constructive way to express it. Sometimes I wish I could go somewhere and just scream. Where no one could hear me. Or cry. But those feelings are fleeting. By the time I drove to the "place" I'd be over it. I think therapy would help. Someone who knows how to help people who have chronic pain.

anger is a very valid emotion however it is not an excuse for being rude, disrespectful, condenscending and just plain nasty.  Unfortunately too many people here choose to express their anger in totally negative ways.  The choose the anonomity of the internet to forget basic manners and then turn around and blame it on their disease or worse blame it on another poster for "making" them react that way.  This behavoir is the reasons I was against political threads.  The anomosity carries over to every thread. And frankly the nasty threads all have the same core 5-6 people posting in it so in reality a very small group of people control the tone of this board

Anger at a situatioin is a very real reaction and should not be ignored.  But you have to look inside yourself to figure out why you are reacting that way.  No one can tell you why.  Sit down with a piece of paper and write " I am abgry because..." and start listing everything that comes to mind..everything.  Then put the list away for a day or so.  Then pull it out again and evaluate each thing on the list.   Write down next to each item what you can do to  change or modify the situation.  ANger can be worked through once you start trying to solve the issue.  Yes I know you can't change RA but think about how you can help to improve your physical health. 

How can we improve the tone of the board yet still allow emotions...thats easy...  Treat EVERY poster with respect, treat them as equals, accept the fact that others emotions and opinions are as valid as your own, avoid baiting others and allowing yourself to be baited.  take responsibility for your words

people vent her all the time and are not bashed...its all the nastiness that gets to everyone.  anger is not an excuse for that

..and 'you' is used as a general term not a specific one

Good post, BuckeyeI often read but don't usually post to the angry, personal attacks, because frankly I can't understand how someone could be so angry and say such horrible things to a virtual stranger. I figure they're just really angry people in the real world too. I have a friend who can be very angry, and when she blows it's frightening, but she gets over the incident immediately and the person she lashed out at is turned to mush. She thinks that's how everyone should handle frustration, she honestly thinks there's NOTHING wrong with her. You pose a good question Lorster, but it's probably not going to make much of a difference. The Golden Rules get kind of brushed aside in the www.Well, there's a fine line between people "expressing their anger" and people
being abusive or harassing other posters. When does "stating your opinion"
cross the line into harassment? I've seen it happen a bunch of times on this
board. Guess that's the price we pay for having an unmoderated board.

It's fine to feel feelings and acknowledge those feelings, but how we act
them out is a conscious decision that we are responsible for. Not giving in to
every base emotion doesn't necessarily equal suppressing emotions. It's up
to us as individuals to learn how to express those emotions in a non-
damaging way. When we push them in it turns to depression, but I don't
think it serves anyone to start flame wars, either.Good post, Buckeye.  I came to this board and was offered nothing but friendship, open ears, warm hearts and lots and lots of useful info. I was/am angry about RA and have vented but I wouldnt dream of being nasty to anyone on the board, for me thats not what it's here for. I've been on and off the board in the last few weeks and have caught the tail end of some really 'stamp in the corner, two year old nastiness'. PMing is for me when its like that. I've been told by others that this type of thing comes and goes... here's hoping its going.Well said, all.  I think that for many, the anonimity of the internet makes it a lot easier to be cruel for some people.  I think these are people who likely hold it all in in real life with people they are face to face with.  People that are timid.  Passive aggressive, ya know?  Like the nice guy you know that turns into a demon behind the wheel where he is somewhat sequestered from having to face those he is hostile to.

Very good thread.

It's all about R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Hope you are all having a superfantastic and comfortable weekend!
Copyright ArthritisInsight.com