25. It's not the jeans that make your
bum look fat. Liked those...especially #3
LMAO Beading...beading....beading.... right now!
SWEEETTTT!!!!!!!!!!! You have created a MONSTER mary....
Umm Mary? Why are you fondeling your beads?
Damn that's the wrong smiley......LOL
1. Never, under
any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
night.
2. Don't worry
about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian
anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.
5. If you must
choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep
the room with a glance.
7.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness
than permission.
9. For
every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport
picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the
speed of cheques.
12. A
conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit,
die anyway.
14. Men are
from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the
dishes.
16. A balanced
diet is a biscuit in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and
narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than
coming.
19. Junk is
something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need
it.
20. There is always
one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables
you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move
the ends.
23. Thou shalt
not weigh more than thy fridge.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice
contrast to the real world.
26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that
word would be 'meetings'.
27. There is a very fine line between 'hobby'
and 'mental illness'.
28. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should
not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't
dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33.
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why
we put the clocks back.
34. You should never say anything to a woman
that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an
actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time
when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your
birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all
human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic
background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average
drivers.
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is
not a nice person.
38. Your friends love you anyway.
39 . Never
be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A
large group of professionals built the
Titanic.
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