jode
You just hang on, girl!
I'm glad to hear you are getting help for your mom. That will take so much stress off you and that should help A LOT with the RA.
Hugs,
Pip
Jode - you are so lucky to have someone come help, and you did the right thing. I am working up the nerve to call my Dad's doctor, as I have the authority to. He needs to stop driving and home care started, but he is STUBBORN. Best of luck girl - hair grows back :) CathyJode, so pleased you've been able to get something off the ground and hope and pray that you will get relief soon, both with your Mum and the ole RA stuff. Take care of yourself!!Cathy, when my mom was still driving and knocking our mailbox off it's post. I had tried several times to take her keys, I went to her doctor and during one of her visits with him he told her she could no longer drive for her's and others safety. She said ok and there was never any mention of it again.
Jode- At the time mom was in the early stages of alzheimer's and we just didn't know it. Her doctor had also put me in touch with some home health people that would come out a couple of hours so I could have a break. I felt really guilty about it at first like I was pushing my responsibility's on someone else. But I had several people who cared about me and my mom tell me that by giving myself a break and spending some time with my husband and kids that I was doing us both good. It made it a little easier. I will keep you in my prayers I know how hard it is to care for your parents.
nora
Jode, I'm so glad you talked to the nurse about your Mom. You just cannot do all this alone, it takes too much out of you. At least her MD's office is prepared and have actually seen some signs for themselves.
I'm glad your daughter will be there soon. I know it will help to have her with you. Does she get along with your Mom or is Mom just unable to get along with anyone? In any case, your daughter will be able to offer you some support and be there for you to talk to. Did you say her b-friend was coming, too? I think that would be great, as you would have a man around in the event your Mom should become physically abusive. Has she always been like this to you? or is it something fairly recent?
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Sweetie. Be sure to keep the doctor informed of her condition. Do you have "Power of Attorney" for her, should she be unable to make decisions for herself? If not, see if you can get her to sign one, naming you as the person to make decisions for her. Take care of yourself!! Hugs
Cathy, I hope you can call your Dad's doctor soon. I know it is so hard to have to make decisions like that for a parent, especially one who is not compliant. But sometimes we just have to take a deep breath and take charge. I hope it is not too difficult for you. Take care of yourself, too.
Hugs to all, Nini
That's so scary Jode, Alzheimer's runs in my family...it's a terrible disease. Two of my aunts have it, one aunt has RA too and is in a nursing facility. She's so crippled and doesn't know anyone..I only pray she isn't in pain. Good luck to you about your mother's care, hope you get some help soon.
Hugs to all of you for your support!
jode
At the risk of sounding trite, don't forget to take care of yourself Jode. Sounds like you are going through more than anyone should ever have to.
Big hugs coming your way.
jode
Your support is so moving, thankyou from the bottom of my heart.
jode
It sounds like you have a plate full. I don't know your history, but wonder if you can work enough to live on your own and get out from your mentally ill mom's control? If you don't qualify for SSI, they are saying you are healhty enough to work? If so, why not get out of mom's house and get a job. It sounds like you need to be away from her, for your own sanity. If she is supporting you, she may feel like she has some say in your life.
You say your entire life is temporary - why not start making a life for yourself outside of your mom and whatever men you have been involved with? If you have to live off of other people's money (mom's, boyfriends, etc), they may feel they have some say over some areas of your life. If you don't want to have to ask for money every time you get a diet coke, you need your own money, not somone elses. Tough, yes. But a fact of life. I know it's hard to work when you are sick. I have had to do it, so has my husband (who has congestive heart failure). sometimes you have to do what you have to do to survive though (and not be dependent on others). i hope thigns work out for you.
Cami, you came up with some good questions. but if you have not been in her shoes you don't know. I was working two jobs when I got down to a wheel chair within two months. If my husband had not been working, I would have been out on the streets. When you have RA, people don't want to hire you, because they know you have limits and going to have special needs, also no one wants to hire anyone over 50. It's very hard to move back in with family. Her mother sounds a lot like my husband, I know a lot about what she is going thru. I also see a lot that her mother is going thru. She most likely knows she loseing it and to have an adult child and grandchild move in, has chance her life. If she is anything like my husband, she wants it done her way and will not listen, she thinks her way is the only way. My husband tell me to get out every time I try to get him to do something. Sometimes he thinks I'm stealing his money. (both our checks goes in the bank and after bills, not much left to steal...LOL) There is no way he would let one of his children move in and do what they wanted to, he would have to have control. He thinks he has control over me...but I know better.
Jode, thinking about you, pray things get better. If they don't maybe you could find someone who needs light care, that you could take care of for room and board. good luck
jode
Jode,
Don't get angry with me because I'm saying this with the best of intentions.
Didn't you say before that you thought your mom had dementia or Alzheimer's? Don't you think if you get her some help, things might be better for the both of you? Mental illness is a disease, just like your RA. If she really is that ill, leaving her alone wouldn't seem like a good idea. I do think you need to take care of yourself, but what about the help you mom so desperately needs? You are angry at her for being controlling and mean, but if this the disease, you shouldn't hold this against her - you should try and get her help.
jode
jode
Jode,
I'm going to take this to PM.
After reading some of your posts, All I can say is get the hell out and let your poor mother have some peace in her old age. She don't need you and your daughter + boyfriend and new baby on the way. You do have a choice, why don't daughter and boyfriend get a house and you move in with them. Sounds like you are wanting to get rid of mom so you can have her house. Why should your x husband pay daughter insurance? Should'nt her boyfriend do it. Why should Brother and sister take her and you get the house. If you can not even buy your own cokes, who is buying the food and paying the bills. Could you pay them, if mom was gone? This is a form of abuse, on your part, you are abuseing your mother, because you are ill and blaming everyone but yourself. You sound like you are the one who is mental ill and you need the help.
If you do not like your life then chance it. I have worked for years with RA. There is work out there. I'm 49, almost your age and I work everyday taking care of people like your mother, I know what she's like, I deal with it every day, but she has a right to a life with out you and your problems. If you are able to go out and date and shop or even set and talk on the phone you are able to work....NO one owes you.
If you do not want other people judging you, then don't post on an open board. This is my opinion and I have a right to post it and if I knew you and where you lived, I would send someone out to make sure your mother and her money is being taken care of.
Sorry you are sick, please get the help you so desperately need.
j
.
jode
No one can use you without you LETTING them. If it's so bad, get out. Get out on your own and stop being dependant on others.
I don't understand why you went off no kweenb as she brought up some good points and was not judging you or attacking you. You sound very angry and bitter jode. I know that can't be good for your health. You continue to complain incessently about your life and how horrible it is living with your mother. You don't seem to care that she is mentally ill - just continue to find fault with her and paint her to be the devil. I'm sure she is hell to live with. So get OUT! You don't have a job Jode. You are living off your mom. You pay no rent or anything, yet you complain about grocery shopping and answering the phone. You are painting a picture of being a martyr. I guess you've figured out by now that you don't get a gold star (or anything) for what you are (begrudgingly) doing. You are clearly not taking care of your mom out of love. What is it for? For the house? It sounds like you feel you've invested time (not money) into this and that you at least damn well deserve a house once mommy dearest dies. Deserve. Strange word that is. Your mom is not only letting her grown, unemployed daughter live with her rent-free, but she's letting her knocked up, un-wed granddaughter and her BOYFRIEND (not fiance, not husband) move in. I don't know many grandma's that would do that. Most would tell their granddaughter to make better choices and get married before spreading their legs wide open (shocking thought to get married before "accidentally" getting knocked up). And why can't the baby's DADDY take some responsibility and get a place for them to live? He was man enough to impregnate your daughter. He should be man enough to support them. How weak he must feel to have to move into his pregnant girlfriend's mentally ill grandmother's home, along with mom. (any relation to the Spears?). BTW Jode, you mention you are trained as a counselor. Do you have a masters degree or a doctorate degree? You seem to have the "victim role" down really good. It might be time to use some of your "counselor training" to problem solve. As for teaching special ed, I hope you have more empathy for the "special" kids than you do for your mentally ill mother. Why does your illness deserve compassion and support, yet the woman who chose not to abort you gets none? Why not get a job. Stop living off of men, or mama, or daughter, or K-Fed. We all make choices in our life. I refuse to believe that your sad state is 100% a result of circumstances out of your control. Make better choices. Teach your daughter to make better choices (may be too late for that). Get angry with me or anyone who says something that you don't want to hear. Or...continue complaining about the same crap you've been complaining about for the past month + and see where it gets you (nowhere). It's up to you. You won't have to account for any diet coke purchases when you make your own money. No one is making you a victim but yourself.
Jode, I do know what it is like to live with someone who is Mental my 89 year old Father-in-law lives with us and he is a hand full. But I do have a husband who helps a lot. It is still very hard, so I feel for you trying to care for your mother. What got me is that you don't like her and you are useing her and her home. She has a right to do what she want in her home. If she wants to be mean so be it. If the two of you can not get along you should leave. As far as dateing and getting out I think it is wonderful that you are able. No one should be alone and you sound like you are even tho you have people around. You are too unhappy, That is not good for you or your mother. You don't have to do it all, there is help, if you are entitle to a food card, your mother should be able to get someone to come in and help with cleaning or shopping. You should not have to do it all. But you sound like you hate your mother, so you shouldnt be there. It could get out of hand and someone will get hurt. I do hope you find someone to make you happy, I wish you the very best.
What part of Indiana did you live in? Do you know where Elwood IN. is? That is where I'm from.
Jode, Please, please don't let these two new people, who know nothing about you or what you are living with, drive you away!
You have a lot of friends here and I know that I will stand by you, and I'm sure many of the others who have been here a while, will do the same.
It is sad, really, that people sign on for the first time, and have the nerve to criticize someone when all they have done is read some posts. They are not you, and do not know what you live with. Please pay no attention to them, Jode. God knows, you have enough grief in your life already.
I am here whenever you need me!
Much love, Nini
I'm not new to Arthritis insite, I have been coming in and reading for a while now. I have to work so I don't have time to come and post and be friends. There are two sides to this story, sure would love to here from mother and if you all believe everything that is said here, I feel sorry for you. some people just need a pity party and you guys are giving her a big one. If she is this unhappy, you need to incourage her to get the help that she needs. It really sounds like she been on predisone for to long and it has effected the way she deals with life. We all know what theses Meds will do after a while. I do wish her well, would just like to see her get help. Well I need to go to bed have a long day tomorrow.Jody,
I am sending you bunches of hugs, you are in a rough situation, do not let these two mean, awful people run you off, this board is here for support!
Cami and Linda58 you should be ashamed of yourselves, who knows who you actually are, with your combined 6 posts, leave this poor woman alone!
Jode, here we go again. those mean spirited "alias" people who just like to lay doggo for a while, before spewing their venom.
j
Jode, I'm thinking about you, hung in there.
Jode, I will miss you very much if you leave us! As you can see, you have a LOT of friends here. Please don't let a couple of sad, cruel people make you leave us! This is the time when you really need some support from our group. And we do want to be here for you.
That is what we are all about. Standing by each other when we need help. Pretty much all of us will need to vent at one time or another. And we should be able to...that's what a group like this is for.
If you really feel like you need a break, I certainly understand that, but don't let anyone drive you away. Take a break if it's what you really want to. We will be here for you anytime you need to talk or ask advice, or just vent.
Take care, Sweetie. I know you are excited to have your daughter with you. Try to focus on that if you can. Feel free to PM me anytime you want to.
Much love, Nini