A loving home | Arthritis Information

I want to be in a loving home again.

jodejjr39459.6338657407

Your mom can make the house rules cuz it's her house. But she cannot dictate your attitude. Only you are responsible for that. Remember that love is not just an emotion, it is an action. If you want to be in a loving home, love the people in it.

I meant more like...a spouse

jodejjr39459.6341203704

It will. We create our own realities.

Hugs,

Pip

Oh so true

jodejjr39459.6343402778

dysfunction is everywhere. Heck everyone I know is dysfunctional.

Have you ever wondered just how many people you have actually met, I mean talked to face to face with and were reconized as a human?

If I had to guess how many people I have met... It would be probably well below 4000 people. I wish there was a way to be able to know the exact # of people I have met throughout my life.

Sorry for the ramble... I needed my last even post for the night. I just thought I would share yet another thing that I have laid awake the last week of nights thinking about. I think of the weirdest crap while trying to go to sleep. Keep a visualisation in your head of the relationship you want. When you see
couples being loving be happy for them rather than jealous of what they
ahve. Treat people the way you would like to be treated. I know it sounds
simple but it worked for me.

not jealous of others I know each has their own problems. I am happy for other couples...especially the elderly couples who are there for eachother in their golden years.

jode

jodejjr39459.6349421296I think visualisation helps you recognise what you're looking for when it
comes along.Jode- This is a start of a new year and with it brings new hope and challenges. Really think what you want out of life and go for it. My best friend went through a messy divorce in 2006 and had a 18 year old teenage daughter who fell pregnant, a son who turned to drugs and another son who was diagnosed with asperges. At the end of 2006 she decided that she had hit rock bottom and wanted to turn her life around. She got help for her son and he is now off drugs and working and is in a steady relationship, her daughter had the baby and is also now in a realtionship that is rock solid. Her son with asperges is in a farming programme with animals and is doing good. My friend got through the divorce, changed her attitude to life and now is always smiling and laughing. She said it was the hardest time in her life but she learnt so much in that time about whats really important. There is always hope and we never know whats round the corner.It has been my experience that happiness in a relationship, any relationship, is a direct reflection of personal happiness. If I am not happy and satisfied with myself I am seldom happy and satisfied with or in my relationships, especially my marital and familial relationship.

I have found that I cannot depend on anyone but myself to provide the basis of a happy home. For my home to be happy, first I have to be happy with myself.

I know how very difficult it is to admit that I am not happy with and/or in myself and I also know how difficult it is to work through the shadows that where personal unhappiness tends to hide. However, I can also say that I know the joy that is possible when an honest and complete examination of those shadows has been undertaken.

Add the onus of a chronic condition such as autoimmune illness, and keeping a happy self-image, a happy self-awareness, and a positive frame of mind can be difficult.

It is a job of work to keep the inevitable depression of a chronic condition from overwhelming us and sending our most precious relationships spiraling into the morass of disenchantment, disillusionment, and unhappiness. The most precious of precious relationships is the one we have with our self.

Using Gogo's visualisation model, visualize yourself completely happy and satisfied with yourself. Once the visualization is manifest your home can be happy. A happy home does not depend on nor from a spouse.

Con brio, Happ

Jode,

I don't post very much but your post really hit home for me. My mon bought a very nice rv and parked it in my backyard, you ask why? It was so when she retired she could move in the rv and help me with my baby who is going on 3. Well the monkey wrench in the great plan was that my brother who is 41 would keep the best job he has ever had and finally live on his own with out my mothers help. Well my brother did not keep his job and he is now, of course, looking for my mother to help him like always. So now my mom is in a horrible mood, taking it out on me, and ignoring her very cute granddaughter. She as lost site of the fact that my RA is getting worse, and I struggle everyday to make sure that my little one does with out nothing that she needs. I am on ssdi so I am handicaped, but it does not matter, my brother needs helps so that is where she is.

I am sorry Jode, I really vented on that one. I do not understand people, for that matter I don't understand me sometimes either. I do hope things get better for you. You will be in my prayers.

Sandra

ok so my 2 cents...for what its really worth......From what Ive read, you are very focused on finding bf/husband/significant other but I really believe that you need to make the home and relationship that you have w/ those that you live w/ a positive one before a relationship w/ others can work. Im sure your mother is difficult to live w/ espially in the condition she is/is not in but having a negative outlook and a negative relationship is not going to help the situation at all. You also have to remember that she is the parent and while you are still her daughter and need help maybe she is in the point in her life where she wants it to be just her. Im not saying any of this to hurt you at all, Im just giving you my honest opinoin. But showing her negitivity all the time may be exactly wht she wants you to do, but if you show her love,kindness, etc maybe her attitude will turn around as well.Jode, it's clear the best thing for you and your daughter and grandchild is to go out on your own and get away from the awful, negative influence of your mom. For whatever reason, she can't be/do what you need her to and it's causing you nothing but grief. It sounds like going out on your own is going to be hard but will definitely be the lesser of two evils. Good luck to you. I'm wishing you the best.

Jodi,

I don't know your situation but know that you must find peace and happiness in spite of your circumstances. No one can do that for you and it is not fair to depend on another person for your happiness. That said, my husband of 25 years was from a very dysfunctional family and has succeeded in creating and nurturing a great family. You are not doomed to repeat your past or make the mistakes your family may have made. In fact, you can learn from what you are going through or have been through. It's not easy, it takes time, but you can have the family life you crave someday.

Laker

Jodi,

Stop focusing so much on finding someone. It will happen when you least likely expect it. I agree that you need to get away from your mother. That's not a good environment for anyone's welling being especially someone with ra. I wish you well and things have a way of working out.

take care

You could join a support group and meet people that way maybe. It takes time to find the right one. It is hard to meet the right people sometimes. As you go out to dinner and such and you may meet a few frogs that do not turn into a prince first. As Joonie said teh world is full of dysfunctional people. But yes it can happen. It is harder if you are sick. I tend to wierd people out. So many health problems and all. I mean i particually like people that are not around all of the time to watch me moan and whine. I talked to my fellow today but i am all stuffy no one is coming around here to catch a cold. He is a nice guy and would make me homemade chicken soup but he would have it delivered as not to catch a cold. But yes i miss even some of my bad relationships sometimes as i hate to be alone. But then i like to be alone most of the time. I guess you can count me up for disfunctional Joonie. I think it can happen for someone willing to work on it.

Milly hit on a really good idea. I know there are support groups for caregivers. I think that would be a very good place to start. Laker was very eloquent in her response. I think you've been given some good tips. I pray things get better for you. I truly believe all things happen for a reason. My son is devastated he cannot go in the Air Force like he was counting on next week. I told him he got offered a great job that he wanted but it wasn't his #1 choice, maybe a better job will be available when he gets clearance to leave.