Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife,
Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter
and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There
was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged
nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find
the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it
wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our
new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging
between my legs She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I
reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable,
she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like
claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly
rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this
predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was
fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully
impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are
not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen
floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all
snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to
suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to
the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about
my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about,
which it was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
Why is it that only the women laugh at this?
Whispered, I cant see the pictures but thats the funniest thing I've read in ages... (sorry for the pain inflicted), but I've read this twice and really laughed out loud. Thanks for the light relief.i never got the pics either, this is an email joke and i can't get some other great videos
and pictures to show up on the screen..if anyone wants extra cat videos , etc, pm and i'll email ya... glad that helped wills! :)
it cracked me up too and had to share.. and i'm female! hee~
Sorry, me again, I've laughed myself to tears whilst reading this to husband.... who also found it very, very funny. Big thanks, I needed this laugh today.Hahahahaha!!! That was great!!! Subject: You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One
Dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve
Party. We turned on a night light, turned the
answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and
put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab
company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the
front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard,
scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat
shut in the house because she always tries to eat
the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to
get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot
pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want
the driver to know that the house will be empty for
the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that
I will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say
good-bye to my mother ." A few minutes later, I get into the
cab.
"Sorry I took so long," I said, as we drove away. "That
stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke
her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She
tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck.
Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her
from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat
ass downstairs and threw her out into the back
yard!" The cab driver hit a parked car...
I'm bumping this, lol
hey did anyone get the cat tat email?
is there anyway to copy and paste pics... seems they won't go thru..
thanks for the other joke... H! :)
Thanks for those 2 jokes. I now have tears running down my cheeks from laughing so hard. I will definitely show hubby when he gets home.
Deb
These were excellent!! Laughed - actually still laughing!!
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