Another person with a long Whine... | Arthritis Information

 

My family- husband mostly is really taking me for granted and a lot of it my own fault. I am getting very resentful and I'm getting snappy to which he says there you go being combative on your prednisone.

 

That seems to be the only thing about my disease he remembers.

 

All my life I have been a strong woman type. I am sensitive, empathetic, nuturing to others but I've never babied myself or felt the need to be babied or have been quick to tears over anything less than say the death of my father.

 

I am very idependant and like to do things for myself. I never ask for help unless I absolutely can't do something. In the past I have enjoyed not having to ask for much.

 

OK - in Nov this year I presented with a very severe case of this stupid RA that was so bad and it would not respond to medications. It got so bad that for 3 weeks I was a complete invalid, unable to sit up, stand, walk unassisted, couldn't take care of my personal hygeine, could feed myself, nothing! It was the most terrifying thing I ever lived through and did not want to live. It was so humilating. No one here ever anticipated what I needed I would always have to ask. I was out on disability but no money was coming in and I carry our health insurance but the co. I work for is so small they were not required to pay for it while I was out and so they didn't. I took the money out of the bank to pay for Cobra but I was sick with worry on top  of everything else that I wasn't going to get well enough to work again.

 

Fast Forward to last week of Jan.

 

I got better thank GOD He is AWESOME. I had only been doing things on my own for 2 weeks but I went back to work full time. I didn't want to pay a Feb. Cobra payment because if you go back mid month or whenever you don't get a refund.

 

Not only do I work 8-5 PM, but my husband is self employeed with 20 PT people and I take care of his office work when I come home. I have found myself there until 9 PM at least 3 nights a week and one night I do my grocery shopping straight from work.

 

I swore I was going to cut out things but I don't find myself able to. #1 Even though I am feeling very fatigued, (yet I can't seem to sleep more than 5-6 hrs.), and at the end of the day my wrists, hands, ankles, feet and shins are uncomfortable- I am so thankful to be able to do things that I just can't stop.

 

Since I'm not a complainer- I just do what I have to do and consider it life...and since no one asks me how I am or looks at me I guess to see red tired eyes and how I'm gimping around....they all must think I'm fine and just keep expecting everything to be like it used to.

And then to be told I'm being nasty.

 

To tell you the truth for the first time in my life I find myself feeling sorry for myself. the whole why me with the RA, the not knowing how you are going to feel, going to pick up a pencil and having your hand throw it across the room instead, the limitations your body has....

 

What should I do?

 

Big hugsI would say probably because you are doing all of these things, your family assumes you are all better, and that you aren't sick anymore. You have to explain to them that this is a very real thing, and that although you look okay, you really aren't and if you don't pace yourself and take it easy you are going to end up just like you were in November. Take care of yourself! Insist that household chores are split up equally. My hubby and kids are very helpful around the house, and I don't even know what is wrong with me yet. They know if I have to do it all myself I won't be happy and it will show in my mood. I was always the one that did everything. I work my job 4 days a week and sell Avon PT. I have 3 days to do household things and grocery shop. But, we do alot on Sunday when everyone is home. So I'm not stuck doing it all myself. I hate the fact that it has to be that way, but it is what it is, and that's the way it's gonna have to be. I used to be supermom, but not anymore. Hang in there...tell  your husband how you are feeling and I'm sure he'll understand and be more helpful. I think very strong women have a harder time dealing with sudden illness than those who easily fall into the "I need to do less now and I need some help" routine.  It's going to take a long time for your family to readjust their thinking about you if you continue to shoulder on through the fatigue and pain.  I think it's good you're finally starting to feel sorry for yourself a bit.  In your case I think it's healthy and will help you to slow down and let your family pitch in.  I'm sure they know that you're no baby and that your health issues are real and in need of support.  Please keep us posted.  I don't know much about RA yet,but I am learning. I have had FM for a very long time. I read somewhere once that FM strikes a lot of people that are concidered type A personality. It really struck me exspecially now. It seem's like alot of the people on here are like that. Let me tell you it's hard to give up who you once was.  That's the part I think that hurts the most. You want to be everything to everyone and you just don't have it in you.You should concentrate on you IMHO.  Figure out what you need, and gently, but firmly, place everything non-essential into the 'hold basket'.  Take the time to tell your loved ones that you are taking 'me' time.  And rest, relax, and pamper yourself.  I know the fear you speak of and the need to get everything done, but, if I would have done that instead of 'pushing thru' I think I would have been a lot further along in my healing than I am now. I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time. As some have said, unfortunately the tougher you show people you are the less likely they are to 'see' what you are going through. I know the drill! My partner still says I always look like I am okay when I'm not and I should sometimes let my guard down. First we have to be able to admit to ourselves we can't do everything and that that is okay, we can and will go through times of feeling sorry for ourselves and that doesn't have to last. Strong people find that difficult to do and some of us have been brought up to just get on with it! However, it is okay to ask for help, it is okay to feel we deserve more than we get!  Has your family read much about RA and effects of it? Maybe you could get some information and subtly leave it around so they can read it. Take the time to rest when you need to and build up your strength when you can. Thanks to one and all for # 1 validating my feelings and for the good suggestions.

  Someone might be able to give u the link to the Spoons theory - to help explain why u don't have the energy to tackle all those tasks in the one day . . .

lorrie2008-11-24 00:08:21 The spoon theory

Click on the link above
A very good read...
Bodak2008-02-11 03:01:00
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