Wanna kick my husband in the behind... | Arthritis Information

So I was talking to him this morning and saying how glad I was that my feet and hands are no longer hurting, and that I was hopeful that something could be done about the hip pain. Well, he "jokingly" told me that if I had HIS pain (he pulled a tendon in his hip a month ago but blew off his doctor appointment Monday to play video games with the kids A spouse not matter how much they love you can only hear about your problems for only so long. They start to think well what about me I have problems too. I think thats whays going on hereI am married to one of those his comment is always oh just suck it up quit being such a wimp.Hi, My husband couldn't be more understanding, every day he puts out my horses, goats and ducks, walks the dogs and then leaves for work at 4.30am. He then returns about 2pm and the 1st thing he does is ask me how I am, he then goes and mucks out the stables, walks the dogs again, then comes to see if there is anything I need. All this and he is 67 this year. He always comes with me to the Dr's and will always ask questions. Hows that for a loving Husband. [QUOTE=6t5frlane]A spouse not matter how much they love you can only hear about your problems for only so long. They start to think well what about me I have problems too. I think thats whays going on here[/QUOTE]

LOL - if only that were the case. I rarely mention the fact that I have pain (except for the few days last month after the car accident). I go to work every day; I serve on the school board; I attend local government meetings; I serve our family's required volunteer hours at our school; laundry is always clean, dinner is always prepared (and not from a box) and the walks are always shoveled (by me). I think he's still mad because this weekend I got after the three of them to stop spending so much time playing video games and actually DO something in the 3-D world for a change.Oh I am sorry to hear he said that.

Don't hurt your foot kicking his butt though. But I can't blame you.

Jas, he probably really thinks that. You know what big babies men tend to be. I mean geez, they get the sniffles and it's full bed rest for a week! [QUOTE=Linncn]Jas, he probably really thinks that. You know what big babies men tend to be. I mean geez, they get the sniffles and it's full bed rest for a week!

A lot of it comes back to the fact that because we have good days and bad days with RA and at times don't appear to have 'anything wrong with us', our families forget half the time what we're dealing with. Try not to hit the wall.....as enticing as it may seem you will do more damage to yourself than what it is worth, then you have to fix the hole after your hand heals.

I cannot comment because I am nto in a relationship, but I do remember "those days".

I learned how to ""ignore"" a lot, not much of a life, but that is how I would deal with it then. Some men can be caring, others total jerks. I don;t know about many of you women out there, but I cna tell you from my past experience: if all computers and game systems were to shut down for 24 hours, chaos would be among all of us! *chuckling*

jode

[QUOTE=SnowOwl][QUOTE=jodejjr] I don;t know about many of you women out there, but I cna tell you from my past experience: if all computers and game systems were to shut down for 24 hours, chaos would be among all of us![/QUOTE] Either way Jas he sounds like a good guy in general and anyone can tell (even on a message board) that you're crazy about him So I guess you gotta cut him some slack.Hey Jasmine...your not alone. All my husband does it work and comes home and sits on the couch and plays xbox. on his days off thats all he does is play xbox and nothing else. He doesnt help me around the house or anything. I know how you feel in this situation. Heaven forbid we have kids. He wouldnt help out there either. To me I feel he is married to the couch and xbox. He doesnt go to any doctor appointments with me and he doesnt go grocery shopping or help me bring groceries inside. I do it all and then some. He works full time 12 hour days 3-4 days a week and the rest he has off so has many days off in a row. I look forward to him going to work and getting out my hair alot. I work 40 hrs 5 days a week and put alot of overtime in. So he really doesnt know how much I do. But he has had many wake up calls when I have left for a couple days to make him realize things but it seems to never change even after I come home. The xbox has come between us and I think the only way it will change is if I file for divorce or something and just maybe it might change maybe it wont. So i know how you feel and what your going through.Well, I guess I can count myself as one of the lucky ones. Haven't you ladies ever heard of going on strike? Or sit down and budget how you're going to pay for the housekeeper if he doesn't start doing his half. It's one thing if he's working and you're not, but when you're both full time it's time to redistribute the household responsibilities.

I knew a lady once that took out one dish, one bowl, on set of cutlery and one coffee cup, and said "These are my dishes, don't you dare touch them". She only washed "her" dishes and the rest of her family were on their own. According to her it worked.I gotta call myself lucky as well. Course this is my second marriage and I learned A LOT from my first marriage. This second one I've done on my own terms. #1: I cook when I want to....not because it's expected of me. #2: Everyone in the house does their own laundry. Course I'm speaking of my husband...Full Grown Man, and My teenage children. My husband can wash his children's clothes. #3: If you messed it up.....you clean it up!

I learned years ago to keep my personal aches and pains to myself. Even now I rarely mention I don't feel good. If I am quiet and looking to be by myself it's obvious I don't feel good. I've learned to manage a great deal even in a great deal of pain. I'll have to admit it's hard for me to put up with whinning from other's. I try to be patient with it; but I can only take so much of it myself. I sure don't want to be like that for other's.

Jas~You sound like SuperWoman my friend. Your family has no idea how lucky THEY are. No idea. Maybe I should come be Momma at your house for a week. Maybe then they'd appreciate you. Ever watch wife swap? Maybe you could sign up for that show. Let them see exactly how good they've got it.

[QUOTE=JasmineRain] [QUOTE=Linncn]Jas, he probably really thinks that. You know what big babies men tend to be. I mean geez, they get the sniffles and it's full bed rest for a week![/QUOTE]

Soul sister- you sound exactly like me and our husbands should knock heads!

Recently we were at the airport and our plane was broken so we had to walk clear across the airport to the other side, up and down ramps, dodging people, etc. There he is wheeling a suitcase with wheels and I am lugging my carry on (AND I can NEVER travel light) on my shoulder, legs & feet all stiff, shoulders screaming falling farther and farther behind him & my son. He's 6' 2" 260 lbs. I'm 4' 11", and I'll be damned if I ask either of them for help. I'm just waiting to see if either of them is going to be a gentleman enough, to be respectful enough, to help out this arthritic woman. My husband never even turned around. My son did- walked back and traded his lap top for my bag. I love that kid- thank God he takes after me.

YES!!! Jas, do wife swap. Great idea, LovieOh my gosh!! Ya know, my husband is only in his 40's, he's 6 ft, and in decent shape. The way he babies himself you'd think he was a 90 year old man. I never complain to him about how I'm feeling because he always has to out do me. [QUOTE=Gimpy-a-gogo]Well, I guess I can count myself as one of the lucky ones. Haven't you ladies ever heard of going on strike? Or sit down and budget how you're going to pay for the housekeeper if he doesn't start doing his half. It's one thing if he's working and you're not, but when you're both full time it's time to redistribute the household responsibilities.

I knew a lady once that took out one dish, one bowl, on set of cutlery and one coffee cup, and said "These are my dishes, don't you dare touch them". She only washed "her" dishes and the rest of her family were on their own. According to her it worked.[/QUOTE]

LOL - I have gone "on strike" in the past. It's usually good for a few months of compliance from all three of them. [QUOTE=Linncn]Either way Jas he sounds like a good guy in general and anyone can tell (even on a message board) that you're crazy about himAfter weeks of getting no help from my children, I cut the cord off the television. It took them a while to figure out why it did not work, lol. This was a few years ago and it worked like a charm. Eventually we got it fixed, but I still threaten to do it again on occasion and they straighten right up.Going on strike really does work . I'v done it a couple of times for 2 weeks at a time .

But of course we do not have any kids to worry about .

Sometimes it seems like the ladies are the only grownups in the household . ( not all of them but most )

You really need to put a time frame on the x boxes and get their stinky butts outside .

Ummm yeah... I would have punched him really hard in the arm and then asked if he needed to go to the hospital to get his poor 'ittle arm seen about. My hubby claims I have boney knuckles and when I punch him in the arm it hurts. I just tell him "It didn't hurt me so how could it have hurt you?" Then he just sits there rubbing his arm.

I hate when mine says stuff like that to me. It really pisses me off. I just usually hold on to knowing he told me that for when he hurts himself and then I throw it back in his face while he is still in pain.

I gotta go with Kelstev on this one Kelly...

"buttnugget"

LMAO Really? Really Kelly? Did you really just call someone a BUTTNUGGET???

Man I love you.

I was diagnosed last May, 2007. I have recently had increase in my pain and being tired all the time. My husband finally admitted in our marriage counseling session that he thinks I'm a hypochondriac. I came unglued..... I was completely overwhelmed with that tidbit.

Hi zashin, I would have come unglued also with a remark like that. I will never go to councelling again after a bad experience with one. I had suffered an asthma attack ,emergency chopper ride, intubation, induced coma and 3 mths rehab. When I came home I had post traumatic stress dissorder and clung to my hubby panicking about being left home alone. The councillor told me to get over it and stop smothering my partner. I never went back and gradually over time my marriage has grown strong. But no thanks to that councillor. Its only others like us that can really know what pain and fatigue we suffer. Welcome to the board. If you are a hypochondriac then I must be also. [QUOTE=arriscolwell]I gotta go with Kelstev on this one Kelly...

"buttnugget"

LMAO Really? Really Kelly? Did you really just call someone a BUTTNUGGET???

Man I love you. [/QUOTE]

Listen buttnugget.... My husband is one of the "i'll take care of you honey" ones. I have been sick for quite a while and he tells me that when we were married, it was a vow for sickness and health. We just didn't think the sickness would come so quick.

For the past, almost 3 years, he has done all the cooking, cleaning, dishes, errands and took over running our entire home business, and not once did he ever get mad, frustrated or complain.

I apologised before becasue he had to do it, he just said he is the husband and that's his job. He knows i would do the exact same for him.

He also feels bad when pain comes. He doesn't want me to know he is in pain because he says his is nothing like mine. I always tell him that pain is pain and even if it is a paper cut, we still sometimes need mommy to kiss it and make it better :)

I baby him the best i can when he is sick, get him a soda etc. when i can too.

One thing I do know is that you have to stop talking about your arthritis all the time, but he should be able to handle you going "ow this is a rough day today" and then stop at that. If he asks questions, then talk more. That's what i do. He usually asks if i need something etc. and if i say "ow my hands are bad today" he knows not to ask for any help that uses my hands.

I know it was frustrating for him at first with all my learning of this disease and constantly talking about it, but the longer i did, the more he learned about it which is what i think allows him to understand more.

Plus, i always take him to the doctor with me so he understands what is going on. I also need the ride lol