Where do you put the most effort? | Arthritis Information

Do you spend more time thinking of the bad things associated with RA? Is your primary focus, "this hurts, that hurts, nothing is good"

Or...

Do you think about the things you can do, read a book, talk to a friend, etc. to get

your mind off of the pain and negative thoughts?

Although I am so happy this website exists, sometimes it can be depressing as hell. It's great to talk to people on here that are in the same boat. It's great to get feedback on what has worked for this one or that one. It's great to have a moment or two to be able to do nothing but whine about the situation. However, sometimes it seems as though you open up a thread and it's nothing but this hurts today, that hurts too, etc., etc., and help me rate my pain etc etc etc.

Do you think that if you focus so much on the pain, the pain becomes overwhelming?

I don't know, perhaps I'm rambling, but I know that if I'm in a boatload of pain, and I do something else to get my mind off of it it helps. Does it take it all away, NO....but If I spend a lot of time and energy analyzing how bad my pain is, it seems worse......just a thought.

Hi Deb, I understand your reasoning, I guess I do feel that way sometimes, but on the other hand, it makes me feel better to realise I am not alone and there are people this happens to as well as me, and sometimes I get wierd symptoms that I might not mention cos I think it has nothing to do with RA and then someone will post about it and I realise I am not mad after all!!!! Regards Janie. Hi Deb, I have done training through the Arthritis foundation to lead the moving toward wellness courses and yes distraction is one of the ways to help with pain, along with lots of other ways. I find it can be good for for short lived intense pain or medium chronic pain but when I am in a lot of pain there is no way distraction would work.while I do have my moments I do normally focus on the 'can" do not the "can't" do. What good does it do to focus only on the negative. I have found some of those "negative" posts to be very helpful for me. In one, a suggestion was made to help the person. I was having the same problem and tried it myself and found it helped me tremendously. Even though the post started as a negative focus on a health problem, it helped me, and for that, I'M THANKFUL.

While I hate that anyone has problems, I too feel better knowing I'm not alone. Misery loves company, I guess. I feel some comfort knowing that if I'm having a bad day, I can post it here and the other's on this board will know exactly what I'm going through. Sadly, most of my family and friends have no idea and are not supportive.

After all this time I am still surprised when something hurts, or I drop a hot cup of coffee because my hand is too stiff to hold it.

I forget from minute to minute that I have RA..so I guess I don't focus on it. Yeah when I hurt, I hurt, and may say something, but usually I'm just doing something.. I keep busy, to the extent that people comment on the fact that I never seem to relax..

I am probably the most upbeat person you could know, but when I need to vent, when I need to whimper and cry sometimes about the things I can't do I need to do it here in a safe place.

I don't get depressed by this place, at times it really cheers me up, because it can get sooo silly.. other times because I can help someone else it takes my mind off me..

Debra,

What a great question! I definately have days and weeks where I focus more on my pain. For me, I don't have time to do a lot of focusing on my pain because I have other things that I HAVE to do, such as work, etc. I do know that if I was home all day, every day, I would be miserable. I think sometimes people get into a rut and worry themselves over every little ache and pain. BUT, I'm not in their shoes and can't begin to know what they go thru daily.

I'm glad this board exists because there is a lot of compassion, knowledge and caring on this board. I do agree that sometimes it is depressing as hell though.

PhatsI think I tend to focus on more of what I can do also.

When I come here- I really count myself as lucky because I don't feel as bad as what I am reading about it.

However- I do sometimes get depressed at what I read or maybe actually scared because I think OMG is this is what to come?

For the most part I find this site to be helpful because you can draw from people with experience and when you do need to feel a little sorry for yourself like we all need to do from time to time- everyone is so supportive and there for you.

I agree with much of what you said and it really is a fine line between reading and posting about RA and becoming too absorbed in the whole thing. It's better and healthier to limit the amount of time reading and thinking about all the negatives associated with RA and go out and get involved in life. I find I feel much better and feel the pain much less when I'm out doing things, even if it's just going into town to pick up some groceries. Having said that, I also believe that this forum is the most amazing, valuable tool for those times when we need advice, information and/or support. How much harder it must have been for RA sufferers before the internet. We're very fortunate, especially those of us who may have a hard time getting out. This is a great lifeline. This sight was the only I had to get my mind off of the pain when i was swollen everywhere and was alone and couldn't do anything else. I was terribly scared. I would some days worry so much about others that I thought the sight was to much for emotionally some days. It did get my mind off the pain. Knowing that others had this worse or as bad as me gave me hope. That if they are strong enough to make it threw this I would be strong enough to make it threw this. I am a caretaker by nature and my only problems with the sight are that i get so emotional wanting to be able to fix everyone and I can't. Or that it gets adicting to me and I should maybe be doing something else. This sight has been a God send to me. I do not ever think it made me hurt more except for I just got a cramp in my wrist from typing. LOL Honestly lately I have been so busy and by the time I have any free time to get on the computer I have been to exhausted to get up off the couch and go to the computer. I need to get a lap top. So I had been telling the kids to go ahead and use the computer for an online game. We have four computers in the house but one is older and could not support the game I hate to say no to the kids, they were having so much fun as they where on the same team as my son and it was fun to watch them all playing together. The kids had free trials and now they have to earn there money to continue playing or else use my sons account and play his character. Right now they are sitting watching over his shoulder as he plays and when he gets tired he will let them play. But I think it's good to have an 18 year old boy and a 15 year old girl being able to have so much fun at home in the family room and you know where they are and what they are doing.

A good question. There are so many levels of pain, nobody knows what it is like until they step in another's shoes.

Don't let our bad days get you down. We can still handle them, but need time to vent when things aren't working quite right. I was having a bad bad time lately, but stopped eating bananas and am slowly getting back on track. So my vent wasn't to make anyone scared, it was just to vent so i could move on.

At the beginning, all i could think about was my pain, even when they put me on prednisone cuz it didn't take it all away. I didn't want to go anywhere, do anything etc.

After almost 2yrs, i realized it was dumb of me to do that. When i have a day that i hurt a ton, but can move, I go out, have fun, and do what i can. Sure i have to sit in a riding buggy at the store, or use a cane or walker if needed, but i do it anyway. I do it for my family and mostly i do it for me.

I don't want to waste my life. So i don't let my RA run me anymore. If i have horrible days, i vent, but i don't let it get me. I keep positive that it will get better even if it takes a month or two to do so.

Having NOTHING to do with the RA itself - I used to struggle with seeing the good in *anything*

Spent the vast majority of my highschool days in a pretty deep depression. Did the usual "cries of help" to everyone I knew, but it all fell on deaf ears. I cannot remember what exactly "did it" for me, but at one point I just kinda "snapped" Decided life was better living on the "up side" of everything.

Now, that's not to say that I DON'T ever get down. Boy howdy do I. RA *sucks* and there's no ifs ands or buts about it. At the moment, I'm in a *whole* lotta pain and I would really prefer to crawl into bed and forget today happened. But I knew I couldn't do that.

I post my "woes" partly to ease my mind, and partly to learn new things, etc etc. I gave it a shot posting about my back, cause you never know who's going to have some great tips for you.

And then lovely mona posted, and distracted me from my pain! Yay! The group of people here that know how to "let loose" I just LOVE. I don't know what I'd do without them. Distraction is *wonderful* and I try to help distract others when they need it.

Is something else on your mind lately? *hugs*

I'm just fine Katie! I'm more of the glass half full than empty person and when RA is interfering with life I try to focus on something else. I enjoy coming here, and appreciate the feedback and help that others have given, and hope that I've helped others along the way.

I was just curious though, as it seems that sometimes people focus so much on the pain and the need to rate it, etc., that I just don't get it. I think that when I'm focusing so much on RA or my pain it makes things worse. Not that picking up a book or watching tv etc., can take the pain away but it does seem to help put things in perspective. Sometimes life just sucks and people live in pain. It certainly isn't fair, but life isn't. Know what I mean? I guess I chose not to sit around and constantly bitch about it, but I do have my days and for that I'm very thankful I can post them here.....

I understand.

I think, for some of us, rating the pain is more an attempt to decide what is and isn't acceptable to live with, and helps us communicate with our doctors better.

You know, I grew up with this disease, but I didn't really KNOW that much about it, and I was never the one to speak during my doc. appts.

So here I am, this 20-something year old who's sliding into a flare and I'm just lost! But I SHOULDN'T be, ya know? And I have no clue how to explain to my doctor that sure, I've lived with this, but this time it's different.

So a lot of posts that seem a bit "down" are more helpful than they may seem on the surface. And some aren't! That's the truth! This board is such a mix of people, you know?

Debra, hi babe, i totally get what you're saying..

I've tried lighting up the board, like w/ daily doings, but not too many seem interested in that... or (maybe i've offended people, too blunt, lol

I think its about BALANCE... so if we want it to be more sunnier.. then we have to make other posts, to help.. more OT posts ...

the other hand, Thank goodness for this place!!!!!!!!

we all need to vent and scream and ask ?'s.. that makes it also Fab..

and has been a lifeline to me!!!

I had no clue, as to how many different ways this Illness tends to affect us.

Been learning a lot .. and very grateful, but i also agree, we need some lighter topics , here and there.. plus of course, talking about Ra.. balance

so i get what you mean...

blessings and joy

Whispered~

I would be insane to focus my life on the pain with RA because most days it isn't very bad. I would have to looking for something to be bummed out about and I guess if I was that sort of person I would find something RA or not. However, last winter when every joint was gigantic, when 4 percocet would barely take the edge off the pain, when I could hardly even walk or even lift my arm, if someone told me I shouldn't focus on the pain I would have thought they were crazy. Pain was in my face 24/7 unless I was sleeping which was rare.

So for the Cordy's and the Joonies and the Shelly's, and those in that boat, I think it would be very very hard to not focus on the pain and I'm glad they have this forum to come to to express their frustration, fear, and just being sick of it.

Amen to the Link! Summary: I don't dwell on the pain, but it helps remind me that I have to take care of my joints and health (not that I always do!). Here's the philosophical part ... While I find relief in having a name to the source of my pain, knowing its name has its own consequences on my thoughts. Before I knew I had RA I wrote off each ache and pain as strain and aging. Now they remind me that a disease inhabits my body.

Interesting question and interesting replies from all.
Wow man, that's deep Joy....but oh so true! Great replies!

PAIN!! WHATS THAT???????????? Well, can't say if I have RA or anything yet! But, waiting for the inevitable DX.

I can say that on my bad days, I do not dwell on it (usually). I will not do things I will pay for later. I'll look at a chore and say "should I or shouldn't I?" If I don't do it there is always tomorrow, or my husband...LOL.

On my good days, I do whatever I would have done anyway, just with a little more care.

I realize that my pain isn't nearly as bad as many people on these boards. Coming here gives me a good idea of what I could possibly have to deal with in the future, and it helps to read everyones responses. Good/bad/blunt, whatever they may be. They are very helpful.

I have to work through my days either way, I'm a full time hairdresser and I sell Avon part time, I have two kids, a husband, lots of pets, and a home that all need me.

Okay, I think I may have gotten a bit off topic...oops...Deb is rambling again!!

Great question, Deb. I believe these kinds of issues, talking about them, are more important than a lot of the other stuff we discuss. This stuff is where people learn from each other, we you may find new ways to do old things.

So please, Deb, ramble any time because you say good stuff.

I also believe that these sorts of things are what we don't talk about nearly enough as we should. We still all have a level of denial about issues like grief, loss, anger, stress, focus etc. They are still kinda a bit hush hush. I get the feeling many of us would like to discuss them more but feel it is NOT done. Stiff upper lip and all that which is not a very useful response when faced with a chronic disease where pain never ends.

Lately I have been making a conscious effort to let go and relax. I had become very uptight in the past year and a half due to external stressors and the stress RA brings into my life. I have noticed when I am relaxed within myself my pain levels literally drop.

As one of those who Link mentioned as living in amazing levels of pain, here is my take on it.

Up until six months ago, I never touched a painkiller. I had this disease for ten years getting worse and worse and had gotten so good at tolerating my pain levels that I coped fairly well but I have been in a flare for a year and a half now and six months ago, |I just got a point where I was in tears from the pain and it was wearing me out. As constant chronic pain makes one so tired.

Shutting the pain out at m level takes so considerate level of skill. I have that skill but can also only do so much. I am not super human here.

As you noticed, I don't get on here and whinge everyday. That's just not me. No offense to those who need to do that. I post every couple of weeks giving people an update of where I am at.

Instead I try to focus on other people, especially the newbies and newly dxed as they really need some support. By doing that and taking the focus off myself and onto others, helps me get through.

One day someone on here pointed out to me that I was sitting here in worse pain than many I was support. I laughed out loud because I realised it was true. Cordelia Thank you for the reply! You seemed to have written what I was trying to say. "Live life around RA, regardless of RA".....A conscious choice on how you spend your time focusing on your desease, pain, etc.I'm a writer, Debra, writing exactly what other people are trying to say is what I do.
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