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Newest Chemical Element Discovered - (UNCLASSIFIED)

New addition to Chemistry's Periodic Table:

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to
science.  The new element, Governmentium (Gv),has one neuron, 25
assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant deputy neurons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which  are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact.  A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years
to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
more morons to become neurons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of
moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed
whenever morons reach a critical concentration.  This hypothetical quantity 
is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium,an element
that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many Morons.



 
  

  
  
 
 

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