OT - Kentucky Joke | Arthritis Information

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A young  Kentucky  man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist:

'I got a hot date tonight, an'I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a' them rubbers gonna cost me?

 The pharmacist responds:

'A three-pack of condoms is .99 with tax.'

'TACKS!' the shocked redneck says. 'Gawd a'
mighty, don't they stay on by themselves?

ow lolLMAO
 
I just got one in my email from my bro.  It isn't about KY though it's for those in Michigan.  I think Linn is there if so this is for her.  (btw I live in KY now but was born and raised in MI)
 
MICHIGAN POEM

It's winter in Michigan
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At twenty-five below.

Oh, how I love Michigan
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Michigan
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground
You could be a Minnesotan if...

You measure distance in minutes.
Down south to you means Iowa.
Snow tires came standard on your car.
75% of your graduating class went to the University of Minnesota.
People from other states love to hear you say words with O's in them.
You hate Fargo but realize that a lot of your family has that accent.
You assume when you say "Twin Cities" people know to where you're referring.
You know what uff-da means and how to use it properly.
You own an icehouse, snowmobile, and a 4-wheel drive vehicle.
You know that when it comes to AM, there is only WCCO; besides, what else do you need?
Everyone you know has a cabin.
You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by.
You are proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation.
You have refused to buy something because it's too "spendy."
You're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU.
Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February.
You have no concept of public transportation.
You instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of the year.
Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.
You know more than one person that has hit a deer.
Your dad's sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead.
You have apologized to a telemarketer.
You may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk.
You know what Mille Lacs is and how to spell it.
Nothing gets you madder than seeing a Green Bay sticker on a Minnesota car.
You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
You have either a pet or a child named "Kirby."
Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
You have had an entire telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
The only reason you go to Wisconsin is to get fireworks, to fish, or to buy beer on Sunday.
You know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee.
You grew up thinking rice was only for dessert.
You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.
You drink POP, not SODA.
You always believed that vacation meant "going up north."
Every January, from age 2 to l3, you let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post.
You consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when filled with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert when topped with Dreamwhip.
You never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue.
You call highways freeways.
Your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit, vegetable, or ethnic food.
The first time you saw "Grumpy Old Men," you thought it was a documentary.
You can recite, from memory, more than a half-dozen "Ole and Lena" jokes.
Every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and sing, gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters.....Hamm's the beer that's so refreshing..."
Your dog dies, your spouse leaves you, you lose your job, and your car breaks down, all on the same day, and your first thought is, "It could be worse."
You've gone trick-or-treating in 3 feet of snow. ShyThose were great!
However, I feel quite ignorant...I don't understand some of the Minnesota things.You assume when you say "Twin Cities" people know to where you're referring."
 
 
When I moved here I drove by the "Twin Cities Hospital" and asked my friend "why did they name it THAT?" she goes "you know, the twin cities? Valpraisio and Niceville!" I'm like.....noooooo don't you know the REAL twin cities?!?!?
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