OT Dealing with death | Arthritis Information

Sorry to raise this subject,but I'm so shocked by the news reports that Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and found out through the press that depending on how he responds to medication he might live for 5 weeks to 2 years, as this is one of the most lethal forms of cancer. Like Pavarottio who died last year.

Its really got me thinking about how short a time we have on this earth and how we all run around in a stressed out frenzy without appreciating how good life can be.

Walking the dog today in the London sunshine, I just thought thank god I have this day and this sunshine and spring flowers....

Just wondered how anyone else deals with the fact that death has a 100% success rate???
Is the best way of dealing with it ignoring it? Or being aware of it and appreciating more of what we've got???

Anna

Anna...I was shocked as well to learn about Patrick Swazye. As seeing first hand what pancreatic cancer can do to someone (my grandmother was dxd in the beginng of Aug of last year and passed away Oct 25), it is so sad to hear that that is what he has. Tho I wouldnt wish cancer on anyone, pancreatic cancer is one of the worst. I read an article yesterday about him and it said that most people do not know they have it untill it is to late.

All we can do is like what you did...Thank God for the day that he has given us and for those that he has put in our life. We all need to learn to be thankful for what we do have instead of complaining about what we do not have.I don't dwell on death at all...but like you, when reading or hearing about someone's situation like PS, I appreciate life and how good it really is.

My father died at the age of 60 of pancreatic/liver cancer. Way too young to die, but two things happened to me when I was with him when he died. The first is I found it to be a very peaceful/magical experience. It's really hard for me to explain, but there certainly was something magical about it. And at that moment that he died, I was no longer afraid of death. Now, I must admit, that as time has gone by, some of that fear has come back. But at that moment, I dunno..it's so hard to explain. The other thing that happened to me was that I now knew that life was way too short and I wanted to make the best of what I had left. It was this experience that made me leave my first husband and want more for myself than what I had with him. He wasn't abusive or mean, I just knew I wasn't in love and I wanted that so badly. I'm now in a marriage that has brought me so much happiness that I didn't think was possible.

Interesting topic, Anna!

I guess it depends on the angle I happen to be thinking of. I am fully planning on Heaven, so in that sense it's exciting and something to look forward to. If I'm thinking of the actual process of death it's not so much. And it seems so weird to think of everything just going on like it always does only I'm not here to know about it. Having cancer myself it is hard not to think about dying. This summer when I went thru chemo treatments I really felt my days were numbered even though the Dr. told me "this is the best cancer to have because it is treatable" I'm in remission but I do worry it will come back........ but I don't dwell on the dying part as I think I would go crazy. I get up in the morning and thank God I am still here, ok it's a little tough on rainy ugly days I was sorry to hear about Patrick Swayze.

Laura

Great topic Anna! This is definitely one that effects EVERYONE.

When I die, my family has been given very specific instructions about my funeral, because I want it to be party, a celebration of life. I'm not in any hurry to go, don't get me wrong, there's still so much I want to see and experience, but I view death as graduation, not an ending, and I look forward to it. I know there is much more to do and enjoy on the other side, so I happily anticipate my crossing over.

As the saying goes, I will make sure that I put the FUN in FUNeral. I have found a coffin I want --- it looks like a plain brown wrapped package, with the words "RETURN TO SENDER" appearing to be stamped on it. The songs I want played are all upbeat and will be done tongue in cheek - like "ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST" or "ENJOY YOURSELF, IT'S LATER THAN YOU THINK", and of course in particular homage to me, there must be "FAT BOTTOM GIRLS" !!!

The important thing to remember is what a spectacular gift our time here is. It is up to us to take control of it, and grow and learn, love and laugh every day in spite of the many challenges life gives us. I am determined to absolutely fill this life of mine with as much as I can!

Thinking about the death of those I love is harder to wrap my head around. My mother now has a recurrence of metastic breast cancer, and she has chosen not to take chemo for it, wanting to enjoy the time she has left without being sick. I admire her decision, and I would probably do the same if I were in her situation. It is hard to anticipate her death - for me I fear more what her final days will be like - will she go quickly, or linger and suffer. It it humbling to accept that none of that is in our control, and both she and I will have to take it as it comes. For a control freak like me, that is really hard to accept!

You know you could live till your 110, or tomorrow you can walk out the door and get hit by a falling slate or a speeding car. That's a blessing I think.... we don't know.

I remember seeing my Grandad's dead body laid out (we had a wake for him) when I was 13 years old. It was so strange because it wasn't my Grandad at all.... that's the only way I can describe it. His spirit had gone and all that was left was the casing. I was so sad, I had wanted to see him one last time and it was too late. He was a hard drinking, smoking, womanising, wild man.... Now when I remember him, I like to think he had some good happy times being a naughty boy before the big D got him.

Still distressed by Patrick Swayze though.
Anna
on days like today where my lungs and heart are acting up, it reminds me. But, that's all. I accepted the idea that with how bad i am, i might not live to 50, but i will live for today.

I'm going to be cremated in the cheapest cardboard box (eco friendly) they can buy and I'm going out to star trek enterprise music

That is sad about Patrick Swayze. He seems like a good guy, especially in this day and age of "anythng goes" Hollywood people. My husband and I lost a good friend to pancreatic cancer. He lasted a while after his dx. Not long enough though. It's just so sad.

The thought of my own death has never bothered me, and in fact I always felt that was better than a life of terrible pain. But like others have said, it's a different story when I think about those I love.

Pancreatic cancer is such a terrible thing because of the speed and severity. My grandfather had it and for those few short months it was a terrible thing. But with my grandmother having died the year before, it was his time and he was more than ready.

I think it's much different when people seem to die "before their time". I have always accepted that I might not be here tomorrow, and those around me have often heard me say "if I get run over by a beer truck tomorrow...". At least I used to say that. Then on my commute to work I found that the majority of the time, not one, but two beer trucks were along my commute and I figured I'd better stop saying it!!

Hubby's Grandpa has been coming over the house to eat dinner everyday. Since February, the anniversary of his wifes death 7 years ago, he has been talking about death. It is really starting to freak me out. He is 78, and his mind is not all there. He repeats stories or what he is saying like 2-4 times depending on who he has told, within the 1 hour he is here.

Here is where it has been freaking me out. My son is only 3... hubby's grandpa will tell my son things like... "Yeah Mark, he came and fixed my leak a month back, and now he is dead from a drug overdose." Then like last night, he told my son twice about it was the anniversary of one of his little brothers that died when he was the same age as my son, and that he went to his brothers grave and dug a hole and talked to his brother thru the hole in the ground.

I mean... he has done this every since I have known the man, he is getting worse. It use to really bother me when after hubby's grandma died that, his grandpa would always try to tell my daughter that she was named after his wife and how, when, why she died and asks her if she remembered her. My daughter was 2 at the time, of course she does not remember his wife.

Oh and he keeps telling my son to leave my cat alone because son is going to kill her. I have heard him tell my son this since we first got the cat. And he raises his voice at my son, and yells "Stop doing that you are going to kill the cat, and then your daddy will have to bury her in the yard somewhere." And then that usually sets of a spark for son to realize Peter, daughters dog that died, is buried in the ground outside and son starts talking about the dog cries.

I told hubby last night, that his grandpa talking about death all the time when he is over here, and putting a jinx on my cat every time he is here, is really wearing my nerves thin and really starting to bother me. Hubby just said there was nothing he could do about it, because grandpa will talk about whatever he wants to talk about.

Ok I feel better now that I have gotten that off my chest.

MiL 74, widowed for 3 years is the same. Frequently mentions she'll not be around long. We've all (Hubby, SiL, BiL), decided the best way to deal with that is to take the mickey out of her when she starts and she's actually starting having a laugh with us now. We think its because all of her friends seem to be popping off or getting there and she's lonely and her mortality seems to be around the corner.

However if she was behaving in the manner your FiL is I would just have a quiet word with grandpa and tell him that his constant talking of death is not appropriate and that from now on he's not to mention death in front of the children, and its their cat and if they want to play with it they jolly well can..... sorry off soap box now!

Thanks, wills. See... most of the time when he is like that MIL will take care of it, but that was back when we were all having dinner at her house. Now that he is having dinner at our house... we were not thinking of what comes along with him having dinner at our house.

He would not be a lonely old man if he would just move to the old people projects in town. He is stubborn and he will not leave where he lives now, because that is where he and his wife lived for decades. Me, if I was as lonely as him and having some of the problems he is having... I would move to where there were people were alive.

I had mentioned one time to him a few years back that maybe he needed to look into moving to the old people projects and he about flipped his wig. He yelled at me and all kinds of stuff and then went home and called all of his kids to fuss about me mentioning that to him.

I mean if he moved there, his life would greatly improve. My mom lives in an old people project and she loves it. She has friends, they all do things together, and help each other out. It is quite nice, and I am glad that she decided to move there after I got married and moved out. Because I knew me moving out would hurt her and I did not want her to be alone, because she had never been alone since I was born.

Ok... I think I will talk to MIL about it this weekend and maybe she can put him back in his place. He is a fiesty, stubborn old man... I can tell you that.

I hope to be composted, if possible, or be disposed of in some other "green" way. I'm not so scared of my own death, but the death of people I love terrifies me. That said, I'd like to live a lot more than I already have.

"Live life like you're going to die, because you are going to die"---William ShatnerGimpy
Great quote from Shatner!
Anna
Anna, check out the link---you can hear him sing the song! Gimpy I love that one. Now watch mine!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSm2llQLCH4

See, Shatner IS the greatest.

I *will* live to be 100. At the minimum. I have things to do.

The rest is all stuff I need to talk about with my shrink. Death causes 99.9% of my panic attacks. SUCKS!
The sad thing about pancreatic cancer is that by the time the symptoms get bad, it is fairly advanced. I have never seen a person live more than a few months/several months once diagnosed. I do know there is an experimental treatment in Salt Lake City that is showing some promise. Lets hope his has been caught at a more treatable stage. It is sad and I always hate to hear this diagnosis.Yeah Lorster, I heard a doctoron the radio say that very thing. He said it would be a pretty treatable cancer except that symptoms show up too late.
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