Subject: 3 Minute Management Course Training
Welcome
to 3 Minute Management Course training in preparation for the
first quarter of 2008 in 5 easy lessons.
Lesson
1/5
A man is getting into the shower as his wife is
getting out, when
the doorbell rings. She quickly
wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. She
opens the door to Fred, the next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Fred says, "I'll give you 0 to drop that
towel."
After thinking for a moment, she drops it
and stands naked in front
of Fred.
After a few seconds, Fred hands her 0 and
leaves.
Wrapping herself in the towel, as she gets
to the bathroom, her
husband asks: "Who was
that?"
"It was Fred the next door neighbor" she
replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say
anything about the 0 he
owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information
pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders (and
Management team), in time, you may be in a
position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Lesson
2/5
A priest offered a Nun a
lift.
As she sat in the car, she could not help but
reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an
accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily
slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?"
He removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg
again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember
Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but
the flesh is weak".
Arriving at the convent, the
nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church,
the priest rushed to look up Psalm
1:29.
It said,
"Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story:
If you
are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson
3/5
A sales rep, an administration clerk and their
manager are walking
to lunch when they find an
antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie pops
out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just
one wish".
"Me first! Me first!" says the administration
clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a
speedboat, without a care
in the
world".
Puff! She's
gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I
want to be in Hawaii ,
relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply
of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life".
Puff! He's
gone.
"OK, you're up", the Genie says to the
manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back
in the office after lunch".
Moral of the
story:
Always let your boss have the first
say.
Lesson 4/5
An
eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small
rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you
and do
nothing?"
The eagle answered:
"Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground
below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of
the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high
up.
Lesson
5/5
A turkey was chatting with a
bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of
that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're
packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump
of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to
reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next
day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally,
after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched
at the top of
the tree.
He was
promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullsh*t
might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there.
This ends the 3 minute management course,
now get back to work.
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