Why do women talk | Arthritis Information

 

and talk and talk..

Since joining this board it has become obvious that a lot more women seem to suffer this disease more than men, well at least they want to talk about more than men.

In my personal experience with male sufferers they will talk for a short time and then just get on with it and do.

Women on the other hand seem to want to internalize the whole process and talk untill they are back where they started, ........  and then start it all again.
From this blokes perspective I can't understand how anyone can feel better while continually keeping ones ailment at the forefront in their minds.

I know one bloke who is in difficultly but all he will say is "bloody hands up the creek today" or the foot, whatever, and then ask "hows your day going".
All that might take 5-10min before getting back to doing what ever we were at.

With women, that situation seems to signal it's time for a natter and would still be going strong a few hours later.
I was guilty of this myself at the beginning.

Yes, I have seen it and read it here, but would like to point out that I am also generalizing and know that would not be the same with every situation.

I can understand the newbies wanting to talk, they need to, they need answers.

In short, women internalize where men externalize.
IF you think it, breath it, talk it, you are it.

I have had one contact from a member on this board who has stated that she finds this board very depressing when she herself is not up to par.
Wheres the good news..



The day that a man understands a women and a women understands a man. Well probably won't happen. But usually i am more prone to talk when drinking alchohol. LOL Men i have read are more prone to keep there health issues private. You were probably rasied that way. And thanks it's been at least weeks or days scince a man has said i talk to much. LOLGee, what can I say? I guess we're just inherently inferior creatures. The women I know are such open kind of ladies . We talk about

[QUOTE=maimi]T [QUOTE=milly]The day that a man understands a women and a women understands a man. Well probably won't happen. But usually i am more prone to talk when drinking alchohol. LOL Men i have read are more prone to keep there health issues private. You were probably rasied that way. And thanks it's been at least weeks or days scince a man has said i talk to much. LOL[/QUOTE]

AMEN My oldest son cannot stop talking.  Once when he was 3, and we were about 2 hours into a long car ride, I asked him to please stop talking for a while because his brother was sleeping.  Very indignantly, he said he could not stop the army of words that was marching out of his mouth. [QUOTE=SnowOwl]

I know a lot of males who will talk openly, willingly and at length about themselves, their lives, and even their problems.  Especially if the person listening is a sympathetic woman. 

[/QUOTE] TheLa2008-03-14 16:03:03

It is not that RA is always in the forefront of my mind, it is that I just keep getting let down or realize I still am not to the point of being my own person again. I still have to depend on others to help me, I am not so independant, like I once was.

But he brings up a good point.  Let me give a different example - sexist tho it is. Pip!2008-03-14 16:37:48I think a lot of it is the way society tries to mold us into certain roles.  Men are supposed to "buck up and be a man about it"  while society gives women permission to be more vocal and inquisitive.  Plus, that's the way we're wired.  It's just who we are, in general.  I agree with Bodak's observation that it sometimes seems there is too much focus on talk and not enough action.  There's a real danger in getting too mired in the whole RA thing.  Discussion is good, research is good, communication is good, venting and whining is good as long as it doesn't become the main focus of our lives.  Because most of us don't talk about what we do with the time we're off-line, there's no way to know what/if we're doing anything except thinking about RA.  I think most of us live pretty full lives once we log off.  Actually I do go through phases where I talk a lot, but usually in the form of poetry or "musings"...rather than talking about myself.  Sometimes they are very personal and revealing though. Truely the allergy post kept my mind off the RA pain for a while as i am pretty much experienced in that subject. Just chatting was helpful. And hearing how everyones day is going. I know alot of men that all they do is talk and gossip. But probably more about other people than themselfs. I have had trouble getting a word in edge wise with some men i could not keep up. Most women are good listeners too . We are not afraid to hug a friend I used to be a talker, sorta, depending on who you asked. (grin) I am  not a talker  anymore at all. Some would find that amazing, ebbing on a miracle!lol   This is the only place I talk about my JRA, my family can't handle it. Anyways I live life as much as I can and have never let JRA stop me, NEVER! I try not to focus on it too much its depressing, but I have enjoyed being around you all lately, you all understand, and you don't get depressed when I talk to you. Men should learn to talk, but they have a different psychology. Their brains aren't hooked up like us..Mmmhmm this is the only place I really talk about it too. I mean, I talk to Lizzie and Shannon and Karen and a few others outside the board, usually for more intimate details and questions that I don't want to share here. [QUOTE=arriscolwell]Mmmhmm this is the only place I really talk about it too. I mean, I talk to Lizzie and Shannon and Karen and a few others outside the board, usually for more intimate details and questions that I don't want to share here. Yup. Why can they not move the milk out of the way in the fridge to see the OJ jug right behind it? "I don't see any" As they stare like a deer in headlights into the fridge. LoL Stephen I wonder how you feel about being on this forum with so many more women than men? I can see why you asked this question. Of course i thought that sounds like something my ex would have said, Stephen is brave to say this on a forum that has more women than men. LOL But of course you did not hurt my feelings any i was just kidding i want you to know this. So what is it like for you and Allen being some what of the minority as RA effects more women than men? I have always been interested in sociology. [QUOTE=arriscolwell]Yup. Why can they not move the milk out of the way in the fridge to see the OJ jug right behind it? "I don't see any" As they stare like a deer in headlights into the fridge. LoL Ah yes...I call those phenoMENons "born with servants"..(.aka Mom).OK, and I must confess... whenever Tom Dart, Cook County Sheriff, is on the news, I am frozen like a deer in the headlights.  OMG I think he's hot. Oooooohkay....I admit I get doe eyed when I see cupcakes.Way to go, Stephen, I think for opening up one of the real issues here.

I do know Alan, that you talk a lot, through your writing too but I just found it an interesting observation that your response and Stephen's to your RA was action oriented primarily. Pick up camera, and/or take dog and get outside in the fresh air. Both of you use that as a tool for coping with this disease. And it has made me look at myself and think, "Well, what can I use as tools to cope with this thing?"

I too, am angry, Pip. I am so, so angry that I have to deal with this thing but I do and I can either stay angry and stuck or use that anger to get my life back.

I think we do get bogged down in the nastiness and negativity that is RA. We do need to find ways to haul ourself out of it for sure.

I am not interested in talking about how bad it is all the time. We know that. And yes, sometimes all of us need to vent but at the same time I want to find ways to overcome this thing and live a great life regardless.


And this is where we'll start into the conversation of "off topic posts"