Complaining | Arthritis Information

 

I am a whiner and I make few apologies for it.  I prefer to spread it around, complaining both here and to people in my life.  The difference is that here, when I complain, people understand why (or at least I hope they do!).  So as a result, I believe I leave the more generic whining ("oww I hurt") to people in my life and the more specific whining ("why do I suddenly feel better than worse again"), which needs to be understood, to the board.I use to "complain" to my mom about the daily deals of RA. Only person that seemed to care since I was a kid. But then one day she said she blamed herself for me having J/RA, and I stopped telling her stuff. joonie, I know what you mean.  I have stopped calling my mother as often as I used to, now that I realize she literally stays up all night worrying if my symptoms are bad or I'm arguing with hubby (and these days, at least one of those is going on most of the time).  It's getting to the point of affecting my relationship with her, so it's "on the schedule" to talk with my therapist at our next session.

 

And my hubby doesn't seem to get tired of listening, but also has trouble with the acknowledging part, like a simply "that really sucks" or "I'm sorry today's so bad".

 

PS - My therapist gave me a book, which admittedly I haven't gotten to yet, called "We Carry Each Other" by Eric and Sharon Langshur.  As I understand it, it's about how to support others when they are suffering with illness or loss.  I was kinda hoping hubby would see it lying around and take a look, but no such luck yet.

I'm not big on complaining in general. Whether it's about life in general or my health. It seems to just keep it at the forefront of my mind when I do. There's another thead here started by Stephen where he makes this observation. I've found it to be very true. Yeah I'm not much of a complainer either...when I do feel the need, it's usually to my husband.  I don't complain at home, my family doesn't understand, and they honestly wont listen. So I don'tI'm not  much of a complainer either . I let my husband know when I i complain mainly here.  aren't ya'll lucky?  I just don't complain.  My husband, family and friends know when I don't feel well or having a flare and reach out to help me.  Complaining keeps the issues alive.  I try and use all the energy that complaining would take and put that energy into feeling better or at least staying stable in the flare.  That's how I manage my personal life and the disease.  We're all different and people that talk more about their disease are handling it by talking about it and I handle it by not talking about it.  We're all different when it comes to the disease process and how we communicate about the disease.  LindyI dont' complain, but i do come here to talk about what is going on with others who would know what it is like.

I learned real quick in life that no one wants to listen to complaints - so I don't bother.

I try not to complain too much. IF I do complain, it's here cuz' I know every one here is pretty much in the same boat. I complain to my mommy. My hubby and kids know by looking at me if I feel good. They say it's my eyes and I'm reall pale. They know if it's hot and humid, or cold, rain, snow, sleet any precipatation, I don't feel well. I'm in recliner with heating pad on and blankie, so they got it figured out. Joonie I am with you, mum always thinks her pains are worse,or that I survived a near death I shouldnt complain. And my hubby is the same as yours he thinks I am a druggie taking all the meds I take. But certainly doesnt complain when I am having a good day and can give him the attention all men like!!!So opening up on this board is very benneficial for those that need to get out the emotions.I typically do not "complain" or talk about the physical things that bother me.  It is easier for me to push them aside in my mind and move on.  It brings me down if I focus on them or talk about them. [QUOTE=wonderwoman]i complain mainly here.  aren't ya'll lucky?  [/QUOTE] I used to as you all know....but can no longer use this as an outlet cause my sis reads here then screams at me for writing.  Someday I will be able to position myself in  an "independent from her "situation. ( can't wait for her to read this!Rolls eyes.... So if you do not hear from me for awhile, it means she talked mother into disconnecting the internet again).

I am a senior with RA.  I've been divorced for many years so I have no one to complain to but it sometimes gets depressing knowing no one is really there for you.  My daughter and/or grandson don't really understand not feeling well and also  I don't want to complain to them when I do get to spend time with them.  I mostly just try to stay confident and upbeat - kinda like I try to pretend I don't have RA but that's a little tough when you're having a flare.

RA person, I know what you mean. It makes such a difference when you have a spouse or family that is supportive. Now I know why some people are so "grumped". They are in pain and have no one to comfort them.RAperson, talk to us!!! Let us hear more from you.  We do understand.  You need to be able to talk about the things that bother you.  That's a medicine in and of itself.  RAPerson, come back and talk.  There are senior members on the forum - I ARE ONE!  Sometimes I don't act like it.  Just hop right in and talk to us.  LindyI don't know if I would want to call it complaining but I definitely should be talking here more. My family can only understand to a point and my mom was the one I really could talk to. However since RA took her from me it's been alot more difficult to deal with, as I am more aware than ever of how serious this disease can get. My problem is I don't know where to start as it always feels like there is to much going on. Hammerstein, Joonie,
It's nice to hear from you again. My life has been consumed by kids and school, doctors appointments  and this RA. As always for me so much always going on and it feels like it's
too exhausting to figure out where to start so I just don't. I know what you mean. Sometimes I just get tired of thinking of everything I am suppose to be doing. It just makes my mind feel overwhelmed and then I am not sure what I should do first. I am still sitting here trying to decide which Dr appointment I need to make first on Monday. I have quite a list and they all depend on what the other Dr says and puts me on for what the other dr will do for me. It is just a never ending cycle I tell ya!Joonie,
I can relate I have a GP docs appointment tomorrow and I have to let him know how everything has been going for me for the last 3 months. Seems overwhelming to me considering that I have been seeing  an OT for my wrists and elbow,and my knee surgeon who since Friday has now sent me for special physio on my knee that I didn't even originally see him about,(he's holding me off on a knee replacement on the other knee as he says I am too young). Then after I get to set up an appointment to see my RD and let her know how everything is going! Mine is not as bad as yours... meaning mine is not much of worrying about like you do. I just have the needle phobia going on, so that is why I worry abou tit.

 

I just have to get scoped to confirm if I have Interstitial cystitis. That is what is really putting me behind. Because RD wants to put me on something more for Fibro, but I am stuck on Nortriptylin until I get the Interstitial cystitis confirmed or denied. And the other appointments are just to find out what else is wrong with me. I am by nature an optomistic person. The problem there, is that people expect that from you at all times. I am known as the "goof" amoung the 7th grade teachers by kids and coworkers. It is hard to keep that front up, can get very tiring. However, I have found that laughter makes me feel better.

When I do let loose, it is usually on one of three people. One is one of my closest friends. Her husband is an Ortho so she knows how it is. She will also ask him questions so I can get some "free" advice. His copay usually ends up being a margarita when we go out. Another is one of my coworkers. About once a week we leave the school to go grab lunch and just vent in her van. We both just let loose and by the time we get back to work-we feel better. What is said in the van stays in the van.   Last would be a close friend who doesn't try to solve problems. I hate it when people have a "quick fix". She just listens and tries to help if she can. All three of these individuals have been great. They have offered to take my little boy when I am run down. One even took him to Chuckie Cheese's (that is a good friend!!).

To everyone else, including family, I try to hide most things. My students have no clue that there is anything going on. Sometimes I think it would be easier to tell them cause then I could have a down day but, it is my business, not theirs. They are 7/8 graders so they are old enough to understand. One day, when things get really bad-I might let them know.Rebecca,
Hi, I agree with you, it is hard to be optomistic and positive all the time especially when you're in a flare. As far as your students are concerned, I think that they would definitely understand. I have 2 boys, one is soon to be 15 yrs. and the other who is 12yrs. They have always been there for me and help me when I am unable to do things.(Sometimes they complain but they do reluctantly do it.)
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