OT-I'm Really Ticked Off | Arthritis Information

It happened again. I have a neighbor who every once in a while likes to drop in unannounced to take care of some business with my husband. I'm one of those people who appreciates a quick call beforehand. Something like, 15-20 minutes before you want to stop by. But it aggravates me no end when someone appears on my doorstep and expects to be invited in. I like the house to be presentable when people come over, and I like to be wearing something other than my ratty old sweater and I want to be sure my hair is combed. Usually, as today, the house was OK, although I hadn't gotten to my daily vacuuming of the floor and there was dog hair here and there. If you don't have a dog that sheds constantly, you probably think daily vacuuming is excessive. I used to think so too until we got this dog. Anyway, my husband doesn't want me to drop any hints, even friendly ones, that he should call first. He doesn't want to offend the neighbor. I pointed out that the neigbhor isn't worried about offending us. If I've had a bad couple of days and haven't cleaned the house properly, I don't want that to become common knowledge. If I'm feeling ill from the MTX and just don't want him here, especially if my husband isn't home, I want to be able to say, "Now is not a good time. Can we make it later today or tomorrow?" Or I at least want to know he's coming so I can hide in the bedroom. I think he's very rude. Geesh!!!OHHHHHH H do I know what you mean. I am a neat freak....used to be anyway. Even when building, everything, and I do mean everything was vacummed each night, the floor, always swept and mopped each night after supper, dishwasher was loaded and done washing before I crawled into bed, unloaded right after morning coffee.

THe bathrooms spotless, and so on. I enjoyed it, I took pride in my home. I took pride in our goal.

When soemone would just bop in ( other than the kids) it would truly upset me, especially when unannounced, especially when my hair was a mess....or if I had been painting and I managed to get more paint on me than the wall itself!lol

His close friends, his family, it wouldn't matter, it was all those guys wanting computer advise, this and that........oh well.

THen the town begins to chitchat, we lived in a small town. I heard more stuff about me that i never knew before than you can imagine. Oh...and at the H.S., it was worse cause bfirends ex wife's best friend worked there and all kind of crap got around that was sooooooo untrue. SO I became known as someone I was not. If, IF I didn;t get my hair situated or had a smudgin of this or that from working in the house or yard.....I was a slob, I was crazy, I was a bitch, I said this, I said that.......never happened. Just a small town with nothin' else to do but talk about "his girl" or "her".

Oh and wait till you break up........I have heard unbelievable stories from the kids my daughter keeps in touch with. Unbelievable stuff about him and I, mostly me.

So I can identify. It hurts, talk always hurts.

Yep, I guess that would be annoying. I am glad I do not have neighbors who like to drop by LOL! My living room always looks like a toy hurricane has been thru. Thanks to my son. I only have 2 neighbors and well.... I know one of them cannot talk bad about my lack of tidiness, as I have been over there and it also spills out into their porch and front yard. At one time the town council told them to clean up their front yard and if they could not do it they would do it for them.

And the other neighbors, well she knows of my limitations and she does not care if my house is a toy danger zone, she has 2 kids herself.

I still do not like the thought of being the talk of the town. Maybe why I am a hermit crab, minus the crab part. Oh you and me both Joonie......when I broke my arm......"I was abused". I broke it from falling off a stool being a klutz! That is how I broke my arm! THe kids were in their rooms.......

Of course nobody believed me. When I went to take my daughter from school, the entire staff was listening outside the door and all I said was , I need to take my daughter from school. The principle ....yes the principle the jerk that he was, asked if it was domestic abuse....what the hell? Noooooooooooo.

THen all the whispers at my daughter's ball games, night after night. I had one woman come up to me and stated....." your kids are the biggest druggies at this school".......what???What?????

It goes on and on. Then of course he knew everyone. It is certain they were not going to be speaking of me kindly. He was "from those parts". Oh and then.......and then......when ever I would go to pick my daughter up....if I went into the school...it was whispers....."that's her" or "that is the one, he's cheating on her". And on and on and on.

At the time, I knew all I had to do is get my daughter through high school and in college and perhaps then I could just live and be happy, maybe even "hermit like" sounded good to me.

People can destroy reputaion when YOU NEVER have done a thing. Lies and gossip. And yeah, I have feelings too. Not that it mattered to any of them. I wasn't "from there".

Now, I am just the opposite. We have a great relationship with our neighbors. I love it when they drop by to chat. My house is usually a mess but I don't really care. Nor am I always showered and looking by best but that doesn't bother me either. Take me as I am!!! I have 4 kids and it would take to long to keep the house orderly for visitors. Plus, that of the dog.

I know I don't examine my neighbors or friends houses to see how immaculate it is. I am there for the social aspect, not health inspection!

Be thankful your neighbor feels comfortable and friendly enough to drop by. Many people have really crappy neighbors!

The little kids next door come by with their mom on occassion if "MISS JODE" hasn't been by for hugs, reading a book to them or to play with them outside. THey are a joy to see, and the house is usually always partly a mess. lolI was raised that it's a simple, common courtesy to ask if it's a good time to stop by. I don't require anything like 24 hours notice. A few minutes beforehand, less than a half-hour even, would suffice. Just enough so that I can beg off if I'm not feeling well, or can pick up, if my lack of energy has left the house unpresentable. I'm not saying the house has to be squeaky clean, but even that should be OK if that's my preference. Kid stuff, I wouldn't mind. When my grand-daughter is here, the house is a mess of toys, and if someone wants to come then, I say OK because I think it's understandable that the house will be cluttered with her things. Dust, or dog hair is something else.

I have the right to have my home and myself looking the way I want when people are here, because it's supposed to be my safe haven, my private place where I can be relaxed. I wouldn't dream of going to anyone's house unannounced and I appreciate that same courtesy. In a perfect world, people would never talk about the state of your home or how you keep yourself, but we all know this is not a perfect world and people talk, especially in a small town. Some people don't care about that and I wish I was one of them. But I'm just insecure enough that it bothers me what people think.

Oh, I forgot to mention that originally the plan was for my husband to stop over the neighbor's house instead and HE asked that my husband give him a "quick call" before he comes over. Why can't he do the same for us, especially since we weren't expecting him at all?

Jesse882008-03-29 13:14:55I don't blame you for being mad, I would be too.ohhhh sweetie, you're in the south , now!! lol

I'm totally like you, i like at least some notice!!

(i'm partially deaf, so i always have a good excuse!) Lol

when i lived in those parts..

I remember when my bf, moved in, i wanted his family to call before they came by.. see in his family you were EXPECTED, to drop in, NOT call!! faint.. in fact, even calling ahead of time, was almost considered rude!! lol

I did find out, the furthur out, i lived, the less likely it was for people to drop in!! lol

I would talk to the guy, let him know you're a women, and as a women you need 15-20 mins notice, you really like having him, as a neighbor, but you would appreciate a call.

ps: sweetie, he probably has No idea, he's being rude!!

this is common, in the south, to just drop in... he feels he's a friend and friends don't need to call.. (southern thing)..

so don't judge him,, too harshly, he doesn't know he's doing anything wrong, unless you ask him nicely.. :)

If he comes over, w/o calling, Don't answer the door!

or.. if he's really a good guy, just learn to accept it.. harder, but might be easier..

ok, and i'll admit this, i like to be called ahead of time, but i'm very impulsive and love dropping in on people! LOL..

but.. saying that.. i have learned to call.. tho its more difficult for me..(can't hear on a regular phone)..

just learn to make southern sweet tea, and you should be fine, lol, hugs! :)

ps: soooooooooooo homesick!!!

its got to be beautiful there, my friend there, said everything was starting to bloom.. sigh.. so enjoy the countryside!!

and the great area, you live in!

Bascially tho, the area, you live, in people are really nice, and those who gossip.. ignore them, means they don't have enough of a life!

Whispered2008-03-29 13:49:37Hi Whispered. I too was told that this is a "southern" thing, but then I also heard from a good friend who has lived here all her life that it's not. It's a personal thing. I guess it depends on who you talk to. The way I look at it, it's never rude to ask if it's a good time to visit, but to some people it could be rude not to ask beforehand. I'm with you....I'd like to hint, nicely, that I'd appreciate the same "quick call" he requested. But dear husband says don't. So I'm stuck. The garage door is usually open when we're home so pretending we're not won't work. Unless...I say I didn't hear the doorbell. I'm hard of hearing too, so I guess I could do that. But then he might walk into the garage and into the kitchen from there. Gotta keep those garage doors closed!

Yes, it's getting really pretty around here, although today it's gray and raining. We need the rain so I won't complain.

Jesse882008-03-29 15:05:12

I don't like drop in company either. Sometimes I don't feel like company.

We live in a house all by itself surrounded by acres of land so we don't have to deal with neighbors. However- I've felt bad for my kids because they always had to have play dates.

Ok this might be proof that it is a "southern thing" or that it is just PLAIN CREEPY. You decide.

Every now and then around evening time we get a knock on our front door. I did not know of these knocks on the front door until one day I was in the living room, and heard the knocking.

Hubby went and answered it and there was this guy standing there talking to hubby asking him if he had he could borrow. Hubby told him no he did not and showed him he had nothing in his wallet.

Well... that was not the first time nor the last time. I asked hubby who he was and he said a guy that was in his graduating class. Hubby was never friends with the guy but knew him because they were always in the same grade and classes.

But this guy is always asking for .

Now you decide.

Definitely creepy. I must be as old as dirt because, I was never taught to call ahead, for years we never had a phone...we have come a long ways...now we even have a cell and I do call ahead, the only reason is everyone is so busy, you have to make sure they are home. My husband is from the south and I remember when our car broke down and a farmer come and got us and took us home with him, his wife feed the kids cookies while the men found someone to fix car, they had no idea who we where but wanted us to stay for supper. that was not the only time over the years that someone welcome us in their home. In the old days when you went to visit someone out of town, the kids went to the floor or shared a bed and you got their room, if someone show up and you were eating, you would just add a plate, if there was not enough food the lady would give up hers, them just fix something else later. It use to be an insault to go to a hotel, It was the same as telling someone that their home is not good enough for you. Well enough about the good old days.....I would be afraid to welcome anyone into my home...but if I know you, come anytime...just don't conplain if my house is dirty....or I let you know what I think...LOLI've got a few classmates (we graduated in the late 80's) who have been "down on their luck" ever since graduation. It doesn't happen often, but I've had classmates show up at my door in need of a few bucks, something to eat, etc. These were never people that I was close with in school - just passing acquaintances. I think they have mental and/or substance abuse problems. I do what I can to help out, but I'm not going to have them crashing on my couch.
I've become increasingly annoyed by drop-ins, mainly because my children are 3 and 1, I work from home, and there is never really a "good time" to just drop everything with no notice. I am a lifelong southerner and when we have planned company I am all about hospitality... but drop-ins, eh, it shows a lack of consideration and thoughtfulness, especially if it's a constant thing. I am new to the south and dropping in is weird! Not to mention everyone having to know your business. I am from a big city and now live in a city with less then 6,000 people. I am going crazy! Because everyone knows everyone and EVERYONE knows every detail of your life. I wanna go home! *cry*Ginger, I'm glad to hear from another long-time southerner that you agree it's not really a southern thing. I was also told it shows a friendliness that should not be denied. I think some people just say that to make others feel guilty when they request a courtesy call. I also am very hospitable to anyone who is a guest in my home, even if they've just given me 15 minutes notice. It's not about how much time they give me, it's that they had the consideration to give me a heads-up at all, so I have the option of inviting them over or asking for a better time. It just seems so simple to me.

ShaDucky, I also moved from a heavily populated area to a small southern town and everything you say is true. It takes some getting used to, but I just love it here, gossip-mongers aside. Nothing is perfect so I just have to keep my nose clean at all times and make sure my house is in good shape when someone comes over.

Jesse, I absolutely HATE unexpected company and can totally relate. I refuse to answer the door when these rude people show up. I don't care. If you cannot let me know, don't expect me to answer my door. It is simple as that. jesse, you know how much I like you, i think the problem is your husband, lol.

See if you can get him on board, i put your hair up in curlers, chew some tobaccy, put on your worst robe, don't shave your legs, and see what hubby thinks.. LOL

and ask him, if he wants his friend, to see you Now! lol..

Its pretty easy, the guy understands, he likes the phone call, just tell him, you feel the same... i think for your own sake, hubby or not, you need to do this.. so you won't have all these pent up anger feelings.. which are valid.. but the neighbor doesn't know, how you feel!!

In general, speaking to all, I think its up , to each us to set boundaries..

People are NOt mind readers.. I too think, its rude, but.. I also understand some people may have been raised different..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am NOT a morning person, never have been, never will be..

People know never to come over, before 10 or 11 .

My friends also knew, if they had an emergency at 2 AM, they could call me and i'd be there, lol.

We all have to learn to Communicate w/ each other.. My sister recently invited me to visit, and was hesitant , but let me know i couldn't drive their cars, when visiting.. the thought hadn't even entered my mind, to even ask, and she was worried about offending me, didn't offend me , at all.

The more we talk, become open and honest w/ each other, in a polite manner.

The happier, we'll all be.

I LOVE small towns ... prefer them anyday... ohh yeah, i'm a slob, always have been, always wil be, tho slight improvements, lol.. I don't care what people think.. that helps a lot!! lol

If you want a great, loyal friend, then that mes, or if you pick a clean house over that, well to my mind, you're losing out!

I understand what you're saying Whispered, but my great, loyal friends and I respect each others' space and boundaries. That isn't to say that I'd be mad if they stopped over unexpectedly because of some sort of urgent matter. I'd make allowances for special circumstances as they would for me. But this neighbor....not a friend, this was a business issue and there was no reason he couldn't call first. But you're right, communication is key. He'll never know how I feel if I don't tell him. I have to admit, I wasn't very friendly and when I answered the door chewing a banana and holding the rest in my hand, he said, "Oh, you're having lunch." And I said, "Yes we are." The more gracious side of me would have hastened to add, "But that's no problem at all. Would you like a sandwich?" But I was annoyed so I didn't say it. He may have already gotten the message, but some people are dense, so I don't really know. I'll work it out one way or another. OK this isn't my story (I'd never do it) but someone I know had a friend who simply couldn't understand courtesy and where boundaries lie. Said friend (former as the case now be) decided to show up one day. No call and certainly unexpected. My acquaintance had just exited the shower and was attired in birthday suit. Didn't have to do more to get the point across than simply opening the door.
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