Don't it figure | Arthritis Information
After wanting to be fawned over for the past 5 days because he has been "dying" of a cold...
Yesterday after working from 8 to 5 I did my grocery shopping. Arriving home at 8:15- no one was there to help carry in the bags. I did it all myself and put it all away. You can imagine how many bags there were given the length of my trip.
My shoulders, wrists & knees started killing me. Husband comes home and starts telling me how crappy he feels, charley horses and back spasms all day- yadda yadda yadda. I tell him he certainly has been having a lot of problems lately. Then for the first time since forever I make a complaint. I say I don't feel so good after carrying in on those bags of groceries. He says in a grumpy voice GO TO BED!
I'm so mad I'm not even talking to him.
Hindsight is always 20/20. Been there and done that! If your hadn't been hurting so bad you probably would have said something like this, " Guess we have to admit we are both getting older cuz our bodies are giving out on us." (Corny, but you get the idea.)
It's actually quite rare to see me pop-off but when I do it's short and direct when I make a point. When in reality it's always the soft-approach that gets the wanted response.
Oh- you mean you think he thought I was trivalizing his problems? I didn't think of it that way. I figured I had fawned enough and it was my turn to get a little sympathy since I never ask for it.....Guys usually are "talked out" by the time they get home. Sounds like he really was having a completely lousy day and was at the end of his rope. No room at all for you or your pains at that point. Doesn't excuse his being short with you, but it is understandable. An apology seems in order from him. Best if it comes out from him on his own.
I would have done just as he suggested. My room is my haven....and to be honest; I'd just about prefer to be in my room, in my bed watching TV than anywhere else when I don't feel good. You never have to ask me twice! lol
I understand what you are saying wannaberafree. I have days where I feel my hubby is mad at me or being mean to me or even that he "yelled" at me (when he did not yell). But those are mostly the days when I am just mentally & physically wore down and needing someone to just comfort me. But my hubby is not one to comfort people when in pain.
That is why I mostly stay in my room, so I do not get "yelled" at to go to bed. Yeah... it always seems like my hubby is yelling at me or being mean to me when I am not feeling well.
joonie2008-05-01 13:59:13Fawned
fawned - soothed; babied...
I just realized it was all my own fault. I knew what I was going to do to myself by carrying in all those heavy bags. I should have brought the refrigerated/frozen stuff in and left the rest in the trunk- I'm stupid.
It takes a long time for us to learn our new limits, darl. Yes, you should have left the stuff that wasn't cold/frozen in the car and delegated it to the rest of the family later. These new limits take a lot of trial and error and realising that we can no longer do what we used to. Don't blame yourself, just use it as a way to 'do it differently' next time. Try and be honest with yourself about what you can really manage and then convey that to your family.
You do work full time. You have RA. You shouldn't be also doing all the household chores - the family need to pitch in as a team here, I think or you will get overwhelmed and come unstuck.
Spouses don't always really understand what we go through. Your main priority though needs to be your own self care or you will not have anything to give anyone else, nor will you be able to continue what you manage now if you aren't taking care of yourself and your health.
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