Hell Night!!! | Arthritis Information

Share
 

Yesterday and last night I discovered levels of PAIN I had previously not found. Wonderful!

From about midday until 10pm last night I literally felt I might die my pain level was so awful.

Now, let me preempt this with what I am already taking here...50mg of Pred at the moment, 100mg Fentynal patch (a serious amount of narcotic alone), 4 oxycodone and yesterday some paracetamol with 8mg of codeine. Did it touch it??? Not until about 10.30pm did any of it kick in and take the edge off the pain.

YOU HAVE TO SERIOUSLY BE KIDDING!!!!

I mean, most of you know I had done this disease with NO pain relief at all for a long, long time so it's not like I haven't tried both ways.

And when it's this bad...the feeling that comes with it is..."I feel like I am dying."

So about 9pm I got up and walked around my house a bit and washed up unable to sit for long in so much pain. All my usual ways of taking my mind of it fell by the way side as the intensity just grew and grew. The movement seemed to help somewhat but who knows really.

Thankfully, about 11pm it was like the pain meds then decided to kick in somewhat and it settled enough for me to take a wheat bag to bed and manage some sleep until 5am this morning.

I am somewhat better this morning but not really. I have already taken a oxycodone and paracetamol/codeine and it's 9.30am here. Geez.

Honestly, last night I could have begged someone to shoot me. Just to put me out of my misery.

And I am so so tired of this whole thing. Meds not working, pain killers not giving relief, flares going on forever. I am exhausted with the whole thing.

Now, I suspect that much of this pain has come from some serious stress over the past few weeks. Stress up. Pain up. So I am attempting to reduce some of the stress, of course but it is not just simple stuff. I wish it was.

So basically, you can see I needed to vent here. Thank you for listening.

I really don't see any other solutions than what I am working on, it just not coming together here yet.

I loathe flares. They such a nasty spiral of pain/stress and emotions it seems.

So soon I am off to my 40th birthday lunch with family and friends. Now I just  have to manage to drag myself into a shower, get clothes on and drive through this pain.

                                                                                                                                                              
Aw Cordy, that's just awful - I hope you have a much better day, it stays that way, - and --Cordy, I'm so sorry to hear it.  I hope you feel better once you get yourself together and out of the house for your lunch.

 
Is it worthwhile to go the ER when it gets that bad, or do they not have much to offer you at this point?  I know it's not easy because you'd have to find someone for Neve, but to have so much pain on so many meds is really scary.
 
And please be careful driving.  I know that meds can affect our reponse time, but I've found that pain is what really distracts me and causes trouble.
I am sorry, Cordy hope tomorrow is better for you.
 
When I am having pain & problems that are just unbearable.... I usually think to myself and some times if some one asks how I am, I will say "I am dying!" I guess it is a certain panic mode we get into when we are in a lot of pain, that makes us feel as if we are slowly but surely dying from the pain we are in. Well... that is how I think of it anyways.
 
Much hugs to you Cordy. Sorry the prednisone is not working for you. Do you have fibro, too?
Thanks so much everyone. I so needed to vent this morning. It was just so bad last night.

It's hard, always deciding whether to go to the ER or not. There is not anything they can do for me and then there is the difficulty of thinking out what to do with Nevie. Is it worth it all when they will probably say, well, there is nothing else we can give you.

Joonie, do I have fibro? Well, probably, the docs response to that questions a while a go was, 'probably but who knows with all your RA.' For me all my joints and all my muscles have always hurt. I know I am polyarthritis which just means many but who knows what is which.

Oh, Cordy! I'm so sorry you're in so much main. That's just absolutely terrible and there should be something someone can do for you. I worry about you taking so many medications to make the pain disappear. Please be careful. I hope things get better for you quickly. *gentle hugs*

AND... HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 
I hope all your wishes come true.
  Happy B-day Cordy, and I wish you better days ahead! I hope your pain lets up soon!ya know what i love about ya cordy, is your sarcasm,
your strength, your vents, and sense of humor.
 
Those are all things, i use to deal w/ this. gawd f. i hate that you have this much pain..i do..
 
Can you get a Provider/ Caregiver???
Theres Got to be some services offered, that are hidden deep in the crazy beaucrazys vault, seriously!!!
 
i know about the er, bc its like what can they do?
 
and i hope i said happy birthday, i think i did email you ... see brain detoriation slowly or fast, who knows? LOL
 
hugs babe,  you've got people who care and people who can vent to, thats huge!!!
 
and do the gratitute list, tho its rough, sometimes, just thanking for the soft bed, the pillows,  5 small things, every night before you go to sleep.. it helps, thats all i know..

 

Cordelia,

The codeine may lessen the effects of the stronger narcotics.  They all target the same receptors, so if a codeine molecule gets to a receptor first, the more-powerful fentanyl molecule is blocked.  Just a thought - you might want to talk with your pharmacist about it.
Oh, Jas, cool. I didn't know that. Got through the lunch. Will update you all later when I have gotten need to bed and have a moment. Thanks for all your wonderful thoughts.  Hang in there!!!!!!  If it were possible, I'd have you send some of that pain over here for a few days so I could babysit it for you. HI Cords, you sound better today, sorry you had to go thru last night, what a nightmare, I understand the pain, I am polyarthritic too with FM, OA and OP, just unbelievable and noone can help us only our friends on here, so have your rest, I hope the party went well, sorry I could not make it, it would have been lovely to meet you and we could play "my pains bigger than yours" na na na na na lol.  Keep strong girlie, love to Nevie.XX  Janie
I hope you are feeling better for your B-day party. you have been going through so much. Jasmine had an interesting solution.  Happy Birthday. Let us know how you made it through the party. Then maybe you can get some rest too.
Thinkthinn2008-05-10 04:04:02Hope you had a very happy birthday and that you are now feeling better. Hang on!oh gosh Cordy you sound so pittiful.
 
do they have any kind of respite programs in OZ?
 
do you have a sister or friend who would be willing to let Neve stay with them for a few weeks?..
 
 I'm wracking my brains here.  could you  offer a room to a Uni girl in exchange for  daytime care for Neve?
 
there has to be a way to help you with Neve, your pain and your stress..
[QUOTE=kathy_in_wlsv] Yeah, SnowOwl, I agree. Good medicine.

I am hearing you all. I get that I am not in a good place. Am going to email my rheumy later, call my GP tomorrow and I am just preparing Neve that we might have to find somewhere for her to go and stay. This upsets her, of course, as we have just been through the Rituxan treatment process where she has had to be away from me a lot so she doesn't want to.

SnowOwl, you talking about yourself and your Mom with RA, has been helping me a lot. I would love to hear more about her and how she coped.

Tea is brewed. Love you all. Don't know what I would do without this forum, probably not survive nearly as well. Thanks, SnowOwl. That would be good.  I don't know what to say...I have no magic potion to ease the pain or drag your mind from the melancholy this disease can drag us through. Although my experience is certainly different I can certainly relate to the despair that constant, unrelenting pain can bring.  I have often found these words from John Keats soothing and hopeful.   I hope they might bring you some comfort.
 
From Endymion
 
A THING of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.
Therefore, on every morrow, are we wreathing
A flowery band to bind us to the earth,
Spite of despondence, of the inhuman dearth
Of noble natures, of the gloomy days,
Of all the unhealthy and o’er-darkened ways
Made for our searching: yes, in spite of all,
Some shape of beauty moves away the pall
From our dark spirits. Such the sun, the moon,
Trees old and young, sprouting a shady boon
For simple sheep; and such are daffodils
With the green world they live in; and clear rills
That for themselves a cooling covert make
’Gainst the hot season; the mid forest brake,
Rich with a sprinkling of fair musk-rose blooms:
And such too is the grandeur of the dooms
We have imagined for the mighty dead;
All lovely tales that we have heard or read:
An endless fountain of immortal drink,
Pouring unto us from the heaven’s brink.
 
I pray that "in spite of all,
Some shape of beauty moves away the pall
From our dark spirits"...a cool breeze in the early evening twilight, the innocence in a child's sleeping face, the fragrance of a flower adrift in the morning air...something that has special meaning for you and gives you hope and peace.
 
Alan
Very nice Alan

And I to hope that something can move each and every one of us to another place that offers some respite, even if small. Thanks, Alan. I melted into tears, of course, but that is so beautiful. You always try and bring comfort through words...something I so relate too.

SnowOwl, I think you maybe supposed to share your mother to help others. She has helped me already, simply that she has walked this road before me. It's tough getting that kind of information anywhere. Medical info, yes but not info on "how" we manage to do life and this disease and raise children yada yada...so thank you.


So sorry to hear how bad your pain has been.  It's amazing that you are taking that much medication, still having pain, but still moving around.  Sounds like you are pretty tough.  Yep, Flamingo, definitely would say I am pretty tough. I have not had a life where I could just ever cave in because it was all too hard to go on.

Of course, many close to me would say I am also determined, pig headed, stubborn and tenacious,
Copyright ArthritisInsight.com