Help from strangers | Arthritis Information

The other day I went into Ulta to pick up a few things. There was a 40ish woman in line in front of me holding a bunch of boxes and she had her arms full. She turned around and took one look at my swollen wrists and orthopedic shoes and said you go ahead. I said oh, thanks, I'm fine go ahead and she said no you go first. I wasn't having any problems, but I went ahead rather than stand there arguing. I was embarrassed, and it was just a reminder that I look like h*ll. I realize that she was just being kind, but it really hurt. I know I should have appreciated the gesture, and if I was suffering I would have. I guess it is just that I am trying to retain as much independence as I can. If she hadn't been carrying such a load maybe I would have looked at it differently. Has this ever happened to anyone here and am I wrong to feel this way? Well I can understand it making you feel bad because you don't want to be in the position of needing help or looking like you need help. You are not wrong to have feelings. But thank goodness there are people like her who are compassionate. She did it with the best intentions in her heart. Like you said at another time you may be in need of running into someone like her.The other day I was at Sams and a woman cut me off in a wheelchair/scooter. I only had a few things but I was mad! Anyway, I thought about it and decided, 'what the hey, I'm doing good and obviously, she's not, so let it go'. After a bit, she looked back and said, 'you go first, you only have a few things' and because I was in a hurry, I did. But not before I emptied her cart for her and made sure they would get her to her car OK.

What goes around comes around. We ended up helping each other.

Pip

[QUOTE=anniemax] She turned around and took one look at my swollen wrists and orthopedic shoes and said you go ahead. I said oh, thanks, I'm fine go ahead and she said no you go first. I wasn't having any problems, but I went ahead rather than stand there arguing. [/QUOTE]

I'm going to toss out another thought, because of how you described it and the briefness of the encounter/exchange.

If you weren't having a hard time, like she noticed you struggling throughout the store or something, I don't think she could assess how much your wrists were swollen or what type of shoes you prefer from a glance. I mean, maybe you might have a job that requires you stand on your feet all day or something.

She might not think you looked bad at all, let alone like hell! If she had a ton of stuff, she was probably debating whether or not to put something back and didn't want to lose her place in line. I think this was more about her than you.
I think it was just one of those small kindnesses that we do for one another.

Try not to make too much of it. I'm sure she didn't mean to insult you or make you feel bad. I'm sure she was just trying to make your day a bit easier.

And I bet she didn't think you looked like "hell" at all.

Be well.

Hugs, Nini

When the boys were infants and I took them to the store with me, I would occasionally have strangers offer to lend me a hand at the store, or take my cart back to the corral, or pick up an item one of the boys tossed out of the cart for me. I welcomed the help. I try to return the favor as often as possible.

Maybe it's just that she had a lotta of stuff and didn't want to hold you up since you had a few things -- she's just one of those rare thoughtful strangers. And, you're independent -- you are out there shopping and driving too I'm guessin. RA pain and inflammation can mess with our head, like Nini said don't think too much of it. Hope you feel better soon, take care.

you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.. and I'm glad that woman was kind..

the thing about RA is.. we don't look bad at all!! usually no one knows we're not well.. or hurting.. so we don't always get the kindness of strangers..

I'm glad you found a good soul.. and she gave you kindness

Thanks all, I think I am being too sensitive. I was in denial fcr a year after I got RA. I have the most wonderful friends. They pull me up and help me in and out and generally look out for me. I am so grateful for them. I know that lady was being kind and I appreciate that. If she hadn't been balancing a load, I probably wouldn't have felt that way.

Have a great day.

I love helping others! It makes ME feel good and I am sure it makes them happy too. And, I always smile at others too and it's surprising how many smiles I get back. Plus, it doesn't cost a thing to be nice to others. What goes around, comes around. I think you were reading too much into her kind gesture. Around here it is common to wave the person in back of you forward in the checkout line when that person only has a few items. I do it all the time and have it done to me often.

Ann

I agree with Suzanne's assesment and that your condition may not have influenced her at all, or that she was even aware of it. I think there was something else going on and whatever it was, it was a good thing. Ya know, maybe she thought she would be slowing you down. You didn't say if you had many items, so that might be way of. But if I have a lot of stuff and the guy behind only has a couple of things, I always let them go first.,
Copyright ArthritisInsight.com