Anybody else feel this way? | Arthritis Information

 

I was just thinking about my RD appointment next Wednesday and came to this realization~ One of the things I really hate about RA is that I hate being someone's patient.  I hate going to the doctor.  I hate sitting there being evaluated and not knowing what's the outcome going to be.  I hate the knot I get in my belly being under someone's microscope, I hate not having the same knowledge so that I can never be sure what's coming.  I hate having someone else know and I don't until they tell me.  I mean, I know I can be informed to an extent, but I don't have 12 years of med school and another 20 years of practice  behind me.

I felt like that the first few times I went to my Rd . I know how you feel,I'm just sick of always going to the Dr. always seems to be some Dr I need to see, I was going every 6 weeks since last Aug before they put me on remicade, hopefully these drugs we take will control this monster. it is hard to accept this Dx, I'm still in somewhat denial........That is one possible viewpoint. Now I probably know more about FM than my doctor and I get just a bit annoyed that he doesn't know what I do.  Linn - I feel exactly the same way - I hate it.  Just a couple of years ago I went once a year, now its constant between tests, appointments, insurance, pharmacies.  I hated it when my last rheumatologist came into the room and read me certain parts of my blood work.  I was not allowed to see it at the same time as him.  18 months of visits, and at the end of each visit I would ask "And I need a copy of that blood test".  Not once did he give one to me at the start of the appointment and I always walked out with a copy made by the check out person.   I replaced him with my great primary who brings in two sets (voluntarily) of test results, one for her and one for me.  She writes notes and groups tests together and explains the results, and I walk out with this document about ME.  I felt that way for the first time when I was pregnant.  All of a sudden, the inner workings of my body seemed to be everyone's business.  Prior to that, I only went to the doctor for the occasional injury or URI.  It kinda blew my buffer for a while!

I think the overwhelming feeling of not being in control of your own body because RA controls it, is what's causing you such feelings of resentment.  Totally understandable.  It's displaced anger.  You're mad as hell at what's happening to you and you can't stop it.  So, even though the doctors, tests, etc. are there to help you, you feel anger toward what they represent.  How's that for an armchair analysis?  I could be totally off track, but that's what it sounds like to me.  Maybe once you fully accept your diagnosis (I'm thinking you may still be in denial to a certain extent) you won't look at the medical side of this as the enemy.  In the meantime it's important for you to understand that your feelings are valid. 

Jesse882008-06-08 18:29:29

It isn't my doctor really.  He doesn't treat me badly, he seems like a nice guy.  It's just the fact that I have to go.  I don't like sitting there while someone knows more about what's going on with me than I do, or even that someone gets to know (not that it's some great thing to know about me and RA).  I feel so wide open and in someone else's control.  If I don't go, I can't have meds, which means I end up a swollen mess living in a reclining chair.  I guess I just hate being dependant in this way. I can't opt out.  I don't think I'm saying this very well.

I hate the fact that they seem to keep info from me--such as the tests--I am just told the numbers are good.  Then we the RA dr and myself chit chat about what I am doing---art shows on the side--I resent that I am paying a co-pay and the insurance company is paying the rest for chit chat.  Yes, he renews my rxs but . . ......  However, the insurance company has the results as well ad I just found out the drug company.  My GP actually sends me a copy of any tests--I realy appreciate that.  Money makes he world go round. Jesse, I'm going t have to think about your post.  Some of it's true.  Just today I was thinking that maybe I'm over "whatever I have/had" because I felt really good for  three weeks straight.  Almost a year and a half later I'm still trying to angle myself out of this.  And even though I don't wanna go, I'd hate to think of where I'd be if I didn't have a doctor. So, I don't know.  Maybe their's some truth to what you're saying. Linncn. I've been feeling this way since this diagnosis. I get angry about it and some days just cannot get past the fact that I am dependent on medication to make me feel OK. I just want to live a normal life. I try to remember that there are so many people out there worse off.I actually look forward to my appointments. I might be a little weird. I also have been getting positive feedback from the doctor when I go so that's probably why. In some ways I feel the same, but other circumstances caused me to hate going to one more doctor.  LinB2008-06-08 20:11:15There are so many things I'm frustrated about.  One being the lack of credibility I seem to have, b/c doctors don't want to believe my pain.  But another complaint is the fact I am constantly catching their mistakes!  I mean constantly.  Whether it's the doctors themselves or the staff. My husband freaked out big-time a few months after his heart attack.  For the first two months he denied ever having the heart attack or being in the hospital (8 days intensive care).  He wondered why my father and I made him take pills every day.  When we explained to him over and over again that he had a heart attack and almost died, he laughed at us and told us we were crazy.  Finally as his brain recovered from the reboot, it slowly sunk in.  He had never been sick in his life, other than an occasional man-cold (we all know how devastating an illness that is!).  Now he had to take 6 different medications every day and go visit the cardiologist more frequently than our newborn baby had to go to the pediatrician.  It's rough. [QUOTE=wanttobeRAfree]I actually look forward to my appointments. I might be a little weird. I also have been getting positive feedback from the doctor when I go so that's probably why.

Nori

I haven't been to the dentist since my youngest was in the womb.  He turns 8 this month. As bad as having lymphoma was, and that was plenty scary, even after the denial, you knew there was a logical sequence and you finished chemotherapy and you became a survivor. It's 99.9% a done deal. With a chronic illness, you are like a car constantly going into the repair shop. It's never over.   I know Mike.  I mean, I have to do this for the rest of my life????  This is annoying to me.  But it's like Lori said, it could be a lot worse.  I should be glad that if I have to get an incurable disease, it's a treatable one.  And I am.  Guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself today.  I'll get over it.LOL Linncn, I'm having a feel sorry for myself weekend. I have to work the next two days, 12 hour shifts. I'm not sure how I'm going to pull that off. I'm gonna get up and go in and drag myself through the next two days. I then have off till the 27th (vacation) so I'll get through it. Yes, i hate going to the doctor too. I feel like most of my RD visits are a waste of money. I just think... if I did not have this I would not waste 6hours of a day for my hubby and would not waste money. I know it is not a waste of money, but to me it is. Because if I have not had this crap... I would be able to work, I would bring in my own money and not sit at home a run up utilities. Oh and then there is I seem to always walk out of a doctors office with a new RX for some new meds to try out. Which that seems to be my biggest waste of money. Yep... I have about 4 bottles of meds, that I do not even take anymore, and one of them cost !!!! I probably will never be able to take that med that I only took at most 5 of them and spent on... it was Panlor DC... pain med with caffiene in it. Says not to take if you have high blood pressure and well... here I am with HBP! Joonie, that makes me sad that you think money spent on you is a waste.  Maybe you don't understand how valuable you are to the people that love you.  But you're more valuable than money.  No matter how much.Linncn, Linncn you are entitled to feel that way. We all do from time to time. I get in a funk and I get sick of myself. I know it's not as bad as I am making it out to be and then I feel guilty for behaving like a baby.