just whinning | Arthritis Information
Thank goodness we have this place to come and just let out how we feel amongst those who truly understand.
I get so frustrated after a good nights sleep, to wake up more tired than when I went to bed. Then I go through the self test of "did I forget my mtx? Did I remember to take my shot? Did I over do it yesterday? Whats wrong today?" That's when I want to cry and climb up on my pitty-pot. Cry in frustration, anger at my body, the feeling of "its not fair!". Even reminding myself just how bad it *could* be, reading through some of these threads knowing that some of you suffer much worse than I do, that I should just suck-it-up. Some days I can just suck it up, some days I can't. I hate days like today. I persevere to the point that I have had to take very little of my saved sick leave at work. But it's not because I want to be a "martyr", I just want to be "normal" like every body else. I don't want people to look at me and think "poor mel".
I'm getting worse. I've been ignoring that for a while now, but it's true. I'm not what I was just a year ago. Damn this disease! I'm so tired of going home everyday from work, and getting into bed with the remote. But by the time I've worked all day, I'm am so tired I can barely see straight, and all the energy I have left, is just enough to get undressed and get in bed and watch tv. But it's EVERY day now! I can't do chores during the week, so I have to save those for the weekend. And because of that, I haven't been able to go to church in two months, because If I don't finish my chores and get the laundry done, then it will be the NEXT weekend before I can get back to it, and at the pace I move it takes the full 2-day weekends to get it done. Hubby and son do *some* stuff during the week, but they could care less about clean toilets and dirty floors. Call me OCD, but I happen to be quite parcial to santized toilets, so if it's to be done and done right, then its left up to me to do it. I'm tired of sounding like rice krispies when I walk (snap crackle pop). I'm tired of my hair falling out. I'm tired of taking drugs, and shots. I'm just plain tired.
oh aren't I just the whiny baby today!! But it sure feels good to let it all out.
I understand everything you say and I was right where you are just a few years ago. Have you told your doctor all this? Is there another med he could try you on? How about the family leave act at work where you can take an unpaid leave and still protect your job and benefits? Have you discussed with your doctor applying for SSDI? Maybe you could work fewer hours or one day less a week? Think about some options for you to get you through this bad place. Good Luck.
Anni understand everything you say, except the saniation, thankfully i have an OCD wife that does that and so much more. But i too cannot remember the last time i did anything during the week except work and lay down in bed. I am sick of it. and now my weekends are shot as i have just started back on MTX and it just kills me for 36 hours. I am at work right now, its almost 2:00pm and i am just wondering how am i going to make it through to 4 when i can go home, and get in bed. My company does have options, reduced work week, and others but since i have only been here for 8 months i don't want to go that route.
Can I join the pity party? The fatigue gets to me too - the aches and pains I get are nothing I can't handle although it does get old tolerating them. Pre RA I just felt SO GOOD! I resent losing that. At the same time I thank my lucky stars I am not disabled like some are from it. Then I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself.
The fatigue has led me to be inactive coupled with prednisone -this has caused weight gain and I hate the way I look.
My hair is falling out too and I got a "layered" cut Saturday and now it looks even worse. I shouldn't have touched it.
I'm so tired of swallowing pills it makes me want to gag lately. Especially those jumbo calciums.
What else can I whine about?
I understand that. I remember pre-RA. I had all the energy one could stand. If I'd known what was coming, I'd have enjoyed my health more, and not taken it so forgranted.
I sometimes feel like less of a mom and wife because I go home every day and go to bed. Every day when I walk in the door my son asks, "Whats for dinner?" And I cringe because I just can't fathom the thought of standing in front of a stove. Oh how I used to LOVE to come home and cook for my family. I was always trying new recipes and new ways of preparing old recipes (I come from a long line of southern cooks, who defined themselves by how good the food was). I feel guilty because any activity after 6:00pm is just not happening (like little league), I miss out on a lot. I did manage to make it to all my son's band concerts this year, but what torture sitting in those hard auditorium seats for two hours.
Well, I guess my whiny day is over. Chin up stiff upper lip and all that. Thanks for understanding.
Can you cook in a crock pot(s) that is my favorite new helper right now. Just throw the ingredients in and turn it on. There's a lot of southern things you can cook in the crock pot and also the oven, throw things in a pan and turn it on, no standing over the hot stove cooking for hours that way.
You're not alone Melissa. I find myself watching other people and being jealous that they still look like they have life in them after 6:00 pm at night. I've also tried very hard to not miss any time from work - I hate it when someone else tells me I should go home. I don't want to be someone who can't make it thru the day, but the reality is that sometimes it's the best thing for me and I give in a few times and go home early (happened today and I just woke up from my nap) I'm a little proud and don't want help from others, so I'm my own worst enemy at times. Whine whenever you need to - it helps us all in knowing that we aren't alone in these feelings.All of you, bless your hearts, you deserve a good whine now and then. (A good wine too, but that's out or limited for many of us). Dealing with RA is hard enough. Add a job and family responsibilites and it's just overwhelming. It would be nice if those around you could truly understand what you're feeling, but if you don't walk with a noticable limp and at least a few crooked limbs, many people just don't get it. We do get it here, so feel free to whine and cry and moan and groan. It's true that no matter who you are, there will be some who are worse off than you, but that certainly doesn't mean your pain and frustration is any less valid than those with worse conditions. If you hurt, you hurt. If you're exhausted, it's just as debilitating no matter who you are. At the very, very least, you have to allow yourself small luxeries and one of them is being able to whine without feeling guilty about it. Go for it. meldozRA - great whine :) Huggles ~~ CathyGives her a 10.1 !!!Yes I remember me pre RA. I had tons of energy and didn't mind using it. I get so depressed about the things I can't do. I'm a neat freak and can't stand it if I can't clean my house the way I want to. I also look at my flower garden and whine because I can't get out there and pull weeds and plant things like I use to. Everytime I stand at the stove it feels like forever before I finish cooking and i use to like to cook. Every morning I wake up and dread getting on my feet because they are so tender. I also feel guilty that I am no more fun for my husband because I can't walk well so it makes it difficult to go out and have fun. I too know that others have it worse than me but it still makes me break down and cry at least once every two days.Sorry you guys, it sucks, it really does! You all deserve a gold star on your forehead and a cookie. May tomorrow be a better day!All whine and no cheese? Oh that's probably 'cause of dairy allergies.
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