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Hello,

My mom has had RA for roughly 40 years. She has given up on doctors and medication and is suicidal. Is there anyone out there that can share their experiences and talk about their RA condition so she doesn't feel so alone? Right now she feels like she's the only one with this disease.

Thank you.

The Arthritis Foundation is always a good source to turn to in a situation like yours.  They have a website.  Best of luck to you and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  Cathy

Hi there, you might set her up and let her read some of the posts on the forum.  Also, Cathy's suggestion is good.  Many times there are chronic illness groups that meet for support and usually they're run by one of the local hospital employees.  You might check with the hospital.  How old is your mom?  What's her status - can she get around, housebound, etc.?  Lindy
The suggestion is good to let her read some of the posts on this site; and to link up with an Arthritis group if there is a branch in her area. 
lorrie2008-11-23 23:17:50Hi, sorry to hear about your mom. I think you need to get some medical advice if she is suicidal and get it NOW! There's lots of people in this world that have ra and lots on this website. When was the last time she went to a rheumatologist or primary dr? There are lots of new treatments that may help her. Tell her not to give up. It will get better. Seek some help from someone. Like someone said, let her read some of the posts here. Some people here have had ra for years and years or since they were very young. I'm glad she has you to be there. Please keep us posted. I am very concerned and feel for her.
fmm, I certainly feel for you and for your mother.  I agree with CinDee though, that if you believe she is suicidal, she needs help right now.  If she is tired or distrustful of doctors, find a psychologist, licensed counselor (their credentials vary depending on where you live), or clergy member for her to talk with.  In most places there are centers that offer counselling for free or on a sliding scale, so don't let that hold you back.
 
After that, definitely take us all up on the other suggestions.  Besides the potential new RA treatments, make sure she has adequate pain relief and whatever aides she needs to function.  Sometimes when we're in too much pain, or simply in pain for too long, we have trouble even looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.
 
I'm glad you found our community and I hope you will stay around, whether or not your mother is ready to join in.
Formymom...I am very new to this disease and have a hard time imagining someone having it for 40 years when the meds available now were not there for her at her beginning. How very sad.
I totally agree with what everyone above has said. Your mom does need to talk with someone qualified if she is feeling suicidal. And there WILL be meds I am certain, that can help. Has she always had the same Doctor or Rheumatologist? If so, she may need a change. But please send her along here somehow. If she has no computer is there a way to get one to her or vice versa? Just talking about my RA has helped immensely and there are so many people here who would give your precious mom good advice/opinions.
 
(((Hugs))) to you and your mom.....you have started another journey for her and I am positive it will be good one.
 
Lyn  formymom........
I've had this disease for 40 years too.... the worst was at age 10 and now at 50... I had many many good years in between with very little damage... but I know how your mom feels..  I have felt that way at time too... but, aside from my family, friends, and the members here who have touched my heart ... my RD is very important in my life... and I turn to him alot for support and encouagement about my medications... as well as explanations and ideas.
I'm going to PM you..
I haven't had RA long enough to be of much help but I will offer up prayers that your mom finds new strength to deal with this and gets some relief.[QUOTE=babs10]formymom........
I've had this disease for 40 years too.... the worst was at age 10 and now at 50... I had many many good years in between with very little damage... but I know how your mom feels..  I have felt that way at time too... but, aside from my family, friends, and the members here who have touched my heart ... my RD is very important in my life... and I turn to him alot for support and encouagement about my medications... as well as explanations and ideas.
 
[/QUOTE]
 
Oh Babs....40 yrs?? I hadn't seen/heard/read that about you. What an inspiration you are!!
A wonderful, positive person to keep a close eye on ie: follow that gal!!
And at 10 yrs old it was at its worst for you. That is hard to come to grips with, for me anyways.  Such a young girl experiencing such pain. And here you are!!!!
Bright and beautiful and full of life.!!
Like I said, you are an inspiration and thanks from me, the latest gorilla owner! xx
 
Formymom....you keep in touch OK?
 
Love and hugz to all
 
Lyn  
 
 

If she knows how to use the computer or you can teach her to use it; she would get a lot out of daily visits here. We have a large group of friends here that only know each other by visiting here. We range from early stage RA to advanced, crippling RA. Not a day will go by where she won't find a person here that has also faced the struggles that she has faced.

I can't think of any better theropy than a forum such as this for someone like your Mother.

I encourage you to intoduce her to us. We'd welcome her with open arms.

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your well-wishing.

My mom IS suicidal, but she is too weak to carry anything off. She is no longer on any medication... she took herself off about 14 months ago. And of course her condition has become much worse because of it. She is bedridden and unable to sit up herself. She is 69 years old and has had the disease since she was around 26. She was diagnosed very quickly and went to the Mayo clinic. She's been through every known medication devised through the 70's. She has had multiple joint replacement surgeries... many of them unsuccessful.

She is just at the end of her rope with the disease. She is unwilling to try new medications, although she did try 2 treatments of Remicade about 3 years ago. She said it made her skin crawl and it wasn't worth it. So anyway, I thought it might help her to hear that there are other people out there that are struggling with this. That is the reason for my writing.

Again, thank you for your comments.Hi For,
 
Your Mom has gone through a lot, RA can be real tough, but one cannot give up.  Could you possibly get a laptop for your Mom to use while in bed?  That way we all could communicate with her.
 
I was diagnosed when I was 25 and am now in my 50s.  I've had 4 joint replacments and foot surgery.  There are others here that have had RA since they were kids, and others that have had more surgeries than me.  We've all had hard times with this disease, and talking on this forum helps us cope and get through rough periods.  And people here don't limit their posts to RA but post about a bunch of stuff, including jokes and funny stories, cuz we all need to laugh -- it's good medicine.
 
Your Mom has been off meds for 14 months?  Does she see a doctor?  There are some new meds, like Orencia, that might help her.  There are places with pools with lift chairs that lower and raise folks out of the pool -- moving in a pool isn't too painful and it would be a way to stretch and exercise.  Should could get a wheelchair, so she could get outside and go places.  With all the combined experiences of everyone here, we'd have endless ideas.  And if she just wanted to chat about whatever, there are many here willing to listen.
 
Do you think she'd want to chat with us?
 
Hi
unfortunately your mom is committing suicide...she is just doing it slowly instead of quickly.  Does she still have a doctor? if so does she see him at all?  Since she has had this for so long I suspect she may have been on long term prednisone.  If so there is a real possibility that much of her mental attitude and overall weakness may be coming from malfunctioning adrenal glands.
 
I can tell you love your mom and desperately want to help her...I'm afraid the best way to help her may be to have her get extremely angry at you.  You described her as suicidal, depressed, and extremely weak.  Call and ambulance and get her hospitalized.  You may have to go to court and get medical guardianship first (maybe just threatening her with it will get her motivated). Right now she is not capable of making decisions for herself.  Your local senior services office should be able to help her.  But you have to do something
 
 
I probably had RA for a couple of years without it being diagnosed. I had lots of pain and knwe what it probably was but I didn't want to hear the words "You have RA"  To me it was like saying you will always be in pain and soon will be crippled. As soon as it was diagnosed and I started treatment for it, I didn't get better. They've had to change this that and the other around to find me some relief. At different points during this time, I've thought that I would be better off dead. My life insurance would pay off all the bills and the kids would have some leftover to do whatever they want with. But ya know that is really a selfish way to think. My kids love me and they want me around, even if they werer forced to take care of me, they wouldn't want me to die. I'd watch TV and see people in situations where someone was threatening to kill them, holding a gun to their head etc. I thought if I were in that situation would I tell the man with the gun to go ahead and shoot me? No, really I want to live I just don't want to have this pain or be dependent on someone else to take care of me. So, I told my doctor how I had been feeling. He prescribed  a few different things.... pain meds so I wouldn't hurt so much, antidepressants and something to help me sleep. Since I've gotten the pain and the sleeping situation taken care of, the depression is also lifting. I kinda agree with Buckeye, make her get help. Being a threat to yourself or others is usually all it takes to get someone in the hospital. I really feel for your mom, I hope she can get some relief soon.

Hi 4MyMom-

Has your mom tried antiobiotics to control her RA?

Pip


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