Sad week in our home | Arthritis Information

 

About a year ago I found out I had RA and have been on prednisone and Plaquenil for ever since. I found out approximately a month ago that I was 4 weeks pregnant. They immediately took me off Plaquenil saying that it can be very detrimental to the baby. About a week later the baby's growth was great, the heartbeat strong. This last week, we went in and there was no heartbeat. We had lost our baby. There are so many things I am going through right now, but more than a normal person would with the same situation. I feel like I am damned because of this stupid disease to never be able to have a normal baby. I am not even sure if I should try again even though I feel as if I would really like to. If I go without medication, I could be in pain for quite some time, then when I have the baby, I could have days where holding a bottle or even the baby could be next to impossible. This disease SUCKS! And I know I sound very selfish, but please forgive me. These are things I can't expect anyone to understand, but this group. Also, if you are planning on having a baby, PLEASE let your RA doc know so that he can make sure your body is clear of any possible medication problems! It could save you heartache later. Thanks for listening.Oh I am so sorry. You must be hurting awfully bad. You are right- losing a baby is hard enough but to know RA robbed you of your baby- that just plain sucks. It robs you of enough already.

I'm sorryI'm so sorry, this is so sad. prayers being sent.My deepest sympathies, Schell, how awful to lose a baby. I'm so sorry. This disease does suck! I feel so bad for you. Hang in there girl. We're always here to listen. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry.

Each and every situation is different, but I did have a healthy baby with RA. I was diagnosed at 19 and was started on MTX from day 1. Before becomeing pregnant, I talked to the OB and the RD. We made up a timetable of meds-when to be on them, and when to stop. Most people go into remission while pregnant and it usually lasts for up to 6 weeks after the fact. I chose to bottle feed so I took my RA meds that first day in the hospital.

You are not selfish...don't even sound it. I'm sure your mind is all over the place right now. I am very sorry for your loss.  I had a miscarriage also. It was with my first pregnancy.  I did not have RA at the time.  I wasn't diagnosed until my sons were in their late teens.  I know you are hurting now but don't let this disease give up your dream of being a mom.  Hi Schell, I had RA during pregnancy but didn't know it, I miscarried the 1st also, nobody knew why, so who knows?  I did go on to have 2 gorgeous little boys and the first one I managed well physically, I still hadn't been diagnosed but was quite ill and had many surgeries for different things, ie; Spinal surgery, appendix out, fracture fixation, fibroid removal etc etc, by baby no.2, like you said, I couldn't manage feeding, dressing, holding etc without help, so as long as you have good family and friends around who understand, if the need arises you can ask for help, don't give up, it is possible and the kids grow up very good little understanding compassionate little beings.  If you need to talk or any more info, feel free to PM me, lots of luck and prayers, from Janie. I'm very sorry for your loss.  I had a miscarriage (before RA) when I was almost 6 mos. pregnant.  It doesn't matter how far along a woman is, it's a loss.  Again, I'm sorry.  My prayers are with you.I feel so very sad for you Schell, I didn't get RA till later in life and my kids are grown now with their own children, I do babysit my grandchildren which I must say is very hard managing them with painful wrists, but I do manage, and I couldn't be without them.

 

Yes RA does suck!!!! I still can't believe I have RA, I have so much to do, and I feel for all those young mums and mums to be with RA its a very hard road to travel, and you do need all the support you can get. Eventually time will heal your loss Schell, and if and when you do decide to have a baby, you will manage too!

My thoughts and prayers go with you. 

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  I had a miscarriage years ago prior to RA and it's a painful experience.   Allow yourself to grieve and know that prayers are being sent your way.

Take care

Cathy

schell, I am so sorry about your loss.  You are very brave and strong to let us know as I know we are all pulling for you too.

 

I had to choose not to have children because my DES exposure is passed on.  It was very hard to miss out on the having children part of life, but it was the best decision for the unknowns that would have happened.  You will sort this out and your doctors will help you through this.  I really do understand, as I miscarried once in the very beginning too, before I really knew what was going on.  Big hugs and prayers ~~ Cathy

My heart goes out to you Sweetie; That's a heavy burden to bare. I'm so sorry.

 

I would suggest telling your doctor you want to have a baby. Let him put you on the safest medication possible. Beginning trying as soon as possible....as soon as he thinks it's safe.

 

Being a young Mother myself when I was dx'ed with RA I know what a struggle is was....but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Having a child (2) was one of my greatest accomplishments that I have. They have brought me so much joy; and physically I managed. With help from friends and family it is possible to live with RA and still be a good Mother.

 

Don't give up. This wasn't your fault....try not to be over whelmed with guilt. It just wasn't the right time and the good Lord knows what he's doing; even if we don't always under stand it.

 

Thank you, ladies. Your compassion and encouragement is overwhelming and I cannot tell you how good it was to read. God has been so good to me that I cannot be mad at him or question what I know he knows was best at the time or for that baby. I do have two other children, but now I feel as if there is something missing. I can't explain it better than that. Many people live with so many different and many times much worse diseases, that it sounds so selfish and weak of me to feel sorry for myself because of the burden of this one. . My RA did not go into remission. They had to pump up the prednisone and for the entire 7 weeks, I worried about that as well. Maybe it goes into remission when you are further along. I can't thank all of you enough. I knew this would be the place to vent as you would know exactly how I feel. I know that if I should be blessed with another one day that I will know I am exactly that...blessed. I am so sorry for your loss.  My heart is aching for you.  I want to have another child and I have been torn between starting my medication and waiting to have another child, my husband doesn't really want another right now.

If you still feel in your heart you want to have a baby talk to your doctor, don't let this disease rob you of the greatest joy of life!  Don't get me wrong it is very difficult at times, I have 2 boys ages 4 and 2 and they aare VERY active and it is hard.

I am praying for you to get through this difficult time and please remember we are all here for you to talk to anytime.

I'm so sorry for you loss.   I felt the same way when I married that this disease would rob me of motherhood.  I felt I could not hold the baby some days or run after a toddler and was very depressed for a while.  Now I am past my childbearing years but I have a friend who has RA and she said during her pregancy all of her symtons dissappeared and she is still doing fine and managing well.   There is hope, don't give up.I am so sorry for you loss. I had a miscarraige before my two successful pregnancies.  I purchased a ring that I still wear to memorialize my baby, and we also planted a tree in our yard.  Both helped with the grief.

 

I also have two children and would like a third.  Because of my profession we need to wait a while anyway (we are thinking 3 years) but I am also worried about the effect of discontinuing medicines.  I breastfed my first 2 but I'm thinking that if we go for a third, it will be wise for me to just bottlefeed.  I hate that but I would also hate to risk not being able to hold my baby because I didn't get my meds started soon enough.

As for remission during your pregnancy: because this pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, it might have been that your hormones (hcg) never got to the levels necessary to put you into remission.

so sorry for your loss I am so sorry, I've been there, too.  After my first pregnancy, a lovely boy soon to be 11, I lost two babies, both around 4 months.  After testing, it turned out I had Hughes Syndrome, or Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome.  Who would have thought it was a precursor for me to RA.  It's another autoimmune.  Daily blood thinners kept my next two pregnancies after the two miss'es viable and now running thru my house, ages 8 and 7.  Loss of a child, born or unborn, is horrific.  No one know unless they KNOW.  I had to see an infertility specialist for the tests to determine the cause of the miscarriages, and the LOSER told me, "well, at least you have one child.  Many people I see don't have any.  Count yourself lucky."  HMMMM.  Not very great bedside manner.  No one should suffer not having a child, or losing one, whether they have one or five already.

 

Good luck with your journey.  You are not alone, but as someone told me, the baby was just an angel not ready to be born.  I lost two.  I had two more (only one of which was "planned")  .  Maybe some validity in that theory, at least for me.

 

Lisa

Sorry for your loss too. Like others have said, there are many causes for miscarriage but most of the time the cause is unkown. They estimate that a third of pregnancies are lost before the mother even knows that she is pregnant. I've been in your shoes, I've been pregnant 3 times but only have two children. The first pregnancy never grew an embryo, just grew the stuff to support a baby. At first they thought I had this really rare cancer called a molar pregnancy but luckily the results came back negative. It's really hard, I know. Just know that this was NOT your fault.  Hugs to you.

schell, I am so sorry for your loss and for your grief...do not feel that you are selfish and do not lose hope.  When you are ready, talk with your doctors and make a plan.  Or maybe even consider whether you'd want to adopt.  But give yourself time, and I will keep you in my thoughts.

Many thoughts and prayers are with you during this trying time.  Schell,
So sorry to hear about your loss. I know you must be devestated. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Don't give up on year dreams of having a baby. Don't let RA rob that from you. I am very sorry, I know from personal experience that no words can comfort you.  I lost a total of 5 babies, all chromosomally normal female babies, two of them were identical twins.  I went through the whole fertility work-up and drugs.  It was while I was going through all this that I started having symptoms.   It took the docs 4 years to figure out that I have a chronic, progressive form of sarcoidosis.  They thought for the longest time I had RA but I don't.

They never determined the cause of the miscarriages.  I was recently treated for 2 pulmonary embolism and 3 deep vein thrombosis (all types of blood clots) and although I have been worked up twice now for blood clot diseases, I always test negative.  They have told me if I ever try to get pregnant again, I would be put on blood thinners.

However, like you, I now find myself too sick to care for a baby.  I have talked to several people though that did use humira through out there pregnancy.  When I was researching, I didn't really find any concrete info that humira is good or bad for baby but it seems that some rheumys feel its safe.  I am now getting remicade infusions and the nurses they give it said that they have seen pregnant woman get it as well but I haven't really checked into it too much.

For the time being, I am happy with the two dogs that I am mommy to!  I will always miss my babies and still cry for them.  I am 38 so my clock is ticking and until I feel better, I can't even consider it.  I wish you well.
Oh Schell, I can't tell you how sorry I am.  Your post broke my heart.  Having had a miscarriage of my own (before the RA drugs), I know the pain you're feeling.  But your loss is greater because of the complications of RA.  Take heart, many women have successful pregnancies with RA and with your doctors' help, I'll bet you can too.  By the way, you're not being selfish at all.  Your pain and grief is valid and we understand what you're going through.  Schell, I'm so sorry, I know the hurt I lost 2.  Its very hard I know.  I will remember you in prayer.Schell, my thoughts are with you.  We suffered a miscarriage (12 weeks) a few years back.  It was an unplanned (but not unwanted!) pregnancy, and I was taking large doses of naproxen and also soaking quite a bit in the health club hot tub, because I had a knee injury.  We will never know if the naproxen, the hot tub, my "advanced age" (36 at the time) or just a random event that caused it.  It doesn't matter - it was still a major loss.  My boys were really looking forward to a new baby - we had just told them of the pregnancy the week before I miscarried.

Take care. Oh and another thing regarding the plaquenil... millions of women of childbearing age all over the world take plaquenil for the prevention of malaria; the vast majority of pregnancies that happen while taking plaquenil end with a healthy mom and baby.My dear Schell, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

You have every right to grieve the loss of your child. Every baby is precious and the loss of one is devastating. You have received a lot of very compassionate responses and advice... Please know that you can always come here to talk and cry and be received with open arms.

 

Take care, my dear.

Gentle hugs and much love,  nini

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart ached to read your post. RA takes so much from us and it seems so unfair. I know it's hard, but you shouldn't feel guilty, you didn't do anything to cause it. I too have heard of many women carrying babies while on RA meds. Your Rheumy can help you to decide when and what meds are best if you choose to try again. You are not being in any way selfish. Allow yourself as much time as you need to grieve. I will pray for you.

 

I have only been diagnosed with my AI diseases in the last couple of years, but I know I've had them for years and years, even before I had my children. When I was pregnant with my first child, I found out I was actually carrying twins, but one grew and developed and the other didn't. I never did get support from anyone and grieved alone, and still do. Everyone (including now ex-husband) said "thank god you don't have twins" Nobody understood and I wanted to scream, but remained silent and focused on the one I was still carrying. I'm surprised at the no. of people here who have miscarried.

Wow! You guys are so supportive and have so many experiences to share, I am overwhelmed! What a beautiful group, and I so proud to be a part of it. What a blessing you all have been to me! I cannot thank you enough and am so happy to have come here to share my emotions! I can only hope that my words will comfort even one of you one day.
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