I can't seem to pull myself together, I give up | Arthritis Information

I still feel like crap, every joint hurts, but I am holding fast to staying away from Pred. and my Rheumy agrees. He stopped my MTX, but it's only been a week and it usually takes 3weeks to leave my system. Rheumy said to call asap if I have an increase in pain, at all and we'll deal with it until I can start embrel again.

I couldn't deal with Hubby for another minute, so out of the blue I suggested to older son's gf that we take a road trip to Ca.Talk about being spontaneous, we were packed and out the door in like an hour. It was 18 hours of me driving, but my torn hip is my driving leg and needless to say, I Hurt. My parents are sooo worried about me, so I am really downplaying my pain. What I haven't downplayed is the crap with hubby. I filled them in completely. All his yelling, name calling, blaming, etc. They want me to leave him, but #1 I am still going to be responsible for his bad investments, poor money management, and bills he let us get behind on. #2 I need medical benefits - selfish I know, but I have 6 specialists and lots of meds. #3 older son thinks hubby's behavior is my fault because I provoke him. He has no idea what really goes on behind closed doors. I've tried my best to shade them from it all. I guess that was a mistake.

I thought I had landed my dream job at the new hotel, however, there has been more delays and the guy who hired me called one day two weeks ago and said the owner was there and wanted to re-interview everyone the next morning. We all went back for our 3rd interview and they said I was #1 on their hiring list. Before coming down to Ca, I called him to let him know I'd be out of town and he said they were doing a 4th interview with all of us. WTH is that about??? Anybody ever heard of a co. doing 4 interviews??? I need this job, but I give up. I am not going to waste a single moment of my energy on hubby or the job. I am giving it all up to God, because it all is more than I can handle. Whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen.

I am still having major anxiety attacks and my primary upped my ativan to 3mg. 3x/day and I am thinking I should tell him what is happening with hubby, because I cannot seem to stop crying and maybe I need an increase in my AD? He asks what is causing anxiety, and I tell him about older son's surgery not healing, younger son getting into the college that is ,000 a year and we just found out based on last year's taxes that we dont qualify for any financial assistance and we cannot get a loan because of hubby. Only 2 students from our town got accepted, so this is a big deal for him. They have 100% hiring record for Pixar making a huge fortune after he graduates.

Sorry, I am crying and just rambling now. Hard to believe I used to be a law enforcement officer, and now I am a blubbering mess who cannot eat. I have now lost 70lbs since Nov. Not good. My docs want me on boost or ensure now, ugh!

sorry for the whine, I'll be better soon, I'm sure.

I am so very sorry that you have so much to deal with other than your RA right now. Taking time out sounds like a really good idea but driving 18 hours doesnt!!! I do hope you are going to feel better soon. I understand about not wanting to start with Pred ( its been a Godsend to me) but how about one of those Medrol packs I see other members talking about? Seems like it offers some respite, maybe enough to give you some good thinking space? I cant imagine having to cope with all you have on your plate at the moment....I send heaps of prayers and good thoughts your way. Express delivery.

Dont give up Owiemom. It does seem odd about 4 interviews for the Hotel job.

And everyone else will have to wait in line, at least thats the way I see it. And I mean that in a gentle way!

Sounds like you may need to increase your anxiety meds just to see you over this wee hump in the road. Things WILL get better, its just the waiting that seems interminable. You hang in there and keep telling us how things are, we will help hold you up.

Take care, I will be thinking of you.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Cheers.....Lyn xxx

Owiemom- you just made my problems seem like anthills to your mountains. So sorry you have so much to deal with all at once- you know -you must be a strong woman no matter what you feel like to be still walking around functioning with all you are going through.

Hang in there and you'll be in my prayers for strength and change for the better in your situation!

Sometimes getting away can be a good solution if you can find some peace and quiet to focus on solutions. It can be ovewhelming to try to solve everything at once, so try to take one at a time - Your health needs to come first. Can your doctor recommend a counselor to help sort through everything? While a little odd to have 4 interviews, you are their #1 pick. You must have a good relationship with your son. While my sons enjoy my company, I'm not sure either would enjoy 18 hours in a car with me.

Hope things look brighter for you this morning.

Owie, I am so sorry for all your pain (physical and mental) Maybe you could get a Medrol Pak, it does help, dont know for how long, but its good for a few days anyway. Please try not to cry and know we are all thinking of you.

OMGoodness...you have alot going on... no wonder you feel poorly!! I think our mental outlook has alot to do w/ our pain ....

I'm sorry you're having problems with your relationship.. it's top on the stressor list!

As far as fourth interview... alot of companies aren't even hiring with the economy this way.. hopefully you'll be hired even without being available for this round...

top stressors are relationship, finances, and health..... you got them all going.

finding outlets for those stresses is tantamount to feeling better...

Here's an interesting link: http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/05/05/17/the-top-six-stressor-areas-in-life-how-to-recognize--amp-handle-the-stress.htm

Stop and "do nothing." (Give yourself a chance to calm down!)
Take a deep breath.
Exercise!
Make sure you're eating healthy.
Meditate, do yoga or perform another relaxation ritual like prayer or journaling.
Lie down and rest for a few minutes (it's refreshing!).
Stretch! (Simple stretching can really do wonders.)
Get enough sleep.

I know exercise is very difficult right now.. but stretches may be good for you..........do things for YOU.. take care of YOU.. you need to be most important in your life right now...

I'll be thinking of you.....

Thank you for your advice. I'm a very take charge person, so for the time being, I am going to get a journal and write down all your wonderful suggestion as my checklist for feeling better. All my financial independence is riding on getting this job. I get almost ,000 in chid support I never see. He took all our income tax return - I didn't get a dime. We got our stimulus check and he kept all of that as well. I started selling on E-bay to try to earn a b my own income and things just aren't selling. money must be tight for everyone, because what I sell is beautiful Liz Claiborne clothing - it's pretty much all my parents buy me... Since I have lost so much weight I went through my clothes and am selling about half of each size I no longer wear and keeping the extra because I know I will be going up and down with this disease. I have no money of my own and can't even buy milk when we need it is wrong. I think hubby is doing it to keep me with him becasue I cannot afford to move out and also he needs every penny for bills. He bitches every time I buy something for the kids, but ,000 child support is partially for clothing too. I buy all my clothes at Goodwill and have found some real gems there -lot with the tags attached and only on 99cent day. For son's high school graduation, I got a goregeous dress for .49at Ross. He gets mad, because he doesn't want me buying ANYTHING. How can I go from a size 14-16 to a 2-4 and not buy clothes? I'm going to GOODWILL for pete's sake, not Macy's which we are used to.

I'm bitching and rambling again......sorry

oh and thank you. I do fill a bit stronger today to take on the world. I think last night was my meltdown. Man I hurt!Hi Owiemom,

It sounds as though you got some great advice here. I just want you to know that you have cyber buddies who are willing to support you emotionally. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It is a bit of a pain that the company is having a 4th round of interviews but hang in there. Please keep us posted and most of all....TAKE CARE OF YOU! Hiking_gal

Owiemom, I caught your post late but it seems like so many here on the board have given you some great advice. I am truly sorry for all your struggles. I can relate somewhat to the husband issues you are having as I struggle with so many of the same things with my dh (not so dear). Just this morning we had a blowout. *loud sigh* At times it can be difficult to deal with just the RA stuff let alone the other things that get thrown into the mix.
I hope your get-a-way will help you get some rest and get your mind and body back to a calm and peaceful place. Sending prayers and all the positive vibes I can muster your way.
{{{{hugs}}}}
Mom2

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