OT - SERENITY OR SENILITY | Arthritis Information
Reporters
interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you
think is the best thing about being thing 104?' the reporter
asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications that make me dizzy, winded,
and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with
dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85
or 92.
Have lost all my
friends.
But, thank God,
I still have my driver's
license.
I feel like my body has
gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an
aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated,
jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
But, by the time I got my
leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman
decided to prepare her will and
told her
preacher she had two final requests.
First, she
wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her
ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why
Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
week.'
My memory's not as sharp
as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as
sharp as it used to be.
Two elderly
gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one
turned to the other and said: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of
aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim said, 'I
feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a
newborn baby?'
'Yep. No hair, no
teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
Know how to
prevent sagging?
Just eat till
the wrinkles fill out.
A man was telling his
neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars,
but its state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the
neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty', he
replied.
It's scary when you start
making the same noises
as your coffee
maker.
An elderly gentleman had
serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the
doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to
hear 100%. He went back in a month and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied,
'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the
conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
These days about half
the stuff
in my shopping cart
says,
'For fast
relief.'
Grant me the senility to
forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the
good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the
difference.
Thanks. Very good.
Jan
Those are so funny!! Thank You!!!This is sooo funny. I'm going to print it out and send it to my mom who turns 80 soon. I know she will get a big kick out of it!Watchingwolf, thanks for a great laugh today!Thanks for the laugh - do we have to wait until we're senile to start following the senility prayer? I think that one could be applied earlier and I'd be happy.Great jokes! And, some are true! LOL
Thanks!
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