Ups & Downs | Arthritis Information
It seems we all have our ups & downs with this disease. Some have long downs and some have long ups.
Remember last year when I was down about my daughter liking her granny more than me? That was during a time when the disease was running rampant and it was really wearing on me mentally & physically. It was not that I really thought my daughter liked her granny more than me, it was more of that her granny was able to do more for my daughter than I could at the time. It made me feel worthless, because I could not change what I was going thru because I was already doing the best I could med wise and was waiting for the good meds to be approved. I do not believe I was depressed at that time, it was a down time for me. It was that I wanted to be able to do what I needed to do, but could not physically do the things I needed to do. Then to add the constant pain in with it all and it just made me misrable and want to die. I know your thinking "depressed". But no I can tell you I was not depressed... I was misrable and wanted to be put out of my misery. It is one thing to be in constant pain, have chronic inflammation and body parts not work like they should, and then when you add that you cannot be there for your family like you should be able to, it is just very upsetting and messes with your mind. Most times when I am in a down stage, I feel like I am stuck in my body. You know like you are mentally able and you think "Hey, I should be able to do that!" or you want to do something so bad, but cannot, because your body will not allow you to.
My up times are like now. Nothing really bothers me mentally. I can handle most of what my body throws at me, and I try not to let the disease get me down again. I do not really have positive thinking... never have.... I just go with the flow. I am not much of a complainer in person, but I do like to be able to talk about what is bothering me, other wise I dwell on it.
Sure I am bummed about not being able to have another round of Remicade until my pulse crap gets straightened, but I have not been dwelling on it, because right now I am mentally stable to deal with the returning of symptoms and physical limitations. I am sure after a couple of months of having to deal with it all, I will break down mentally, always do. But it is easily fixed when I get to have a few good days or even okay days. It is like needing a much needed "vacation" except it is for to help me deal with it better.
I normally do not get upset about any new health problems. I mostly just think... and I needed to know this why? or I think... good to know. I do not really have many good to know's. Most times I think I am better off not even knowing, because most times it never really "bothered" me in the first place and it seems to be a new discovery, like they were to be fixing something else, and the happened upon the new discovery. I just think if I am not complaining about or not even seeing the dr for that problem they discovered then, just now worry about it. UNLESS... it is life threatening.... then of course, point it out and fix it.
Well... it is 6am, I need to go to sleep. I just thought I would give ya'll a heads up for a down time for me in the near future probably.
Joonie - I go up and down too with my mental health, as does everyone. I think its magnified by our disease though, and some days I handle a typical day's blow okay, the next day I cannot. The roller coaster of this disease I think is the hardest part. No consistency, every day a different part hurts or is acting weird. And I thought everybody was like this LOL ~~ take care Cathyjust like you and JSNM... different day.. different level of capability...across the board..not just physically.. but emotionally... and mentally.
hang in there, Joonie... *hugs*
I can completely relate. My girls are always wanting to spend a lot of time with my mum. She's constantly on the go, much more energy than I have!
Because I've been doing tremendously better the last 2 months, I've been the 'new favorite'.
It feels awesome, but I know it probably won't stick around when I get sicker.
It's amazing what one good day does for us!! I'll be on cloud nine for days after a good day, just basking in the memory of it!
I hope your able to get back to the Remicade, and that you'll have way more good days than bad days!
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